


Me, Myself, and Him

by TheBean170



Series: Grayscale [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Body Horror, F/F, First time writing, Insanity, This won't be pretty, Violence, lapidot - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-08-16 22:43:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 27
Words: 50,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16504187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBean170/pseuds/TheBean170
Summary: Lapis Lazuli and Peridot are both honorary Crystal Gems after countless missions and numerous victories. Both are starting to fall for each other, and life couldn't get any better. However, one day Lapis comes across a strange substance leaking out of a corrupted gem. Soon, she becomes more on edge, her emotions flip on a dime, and she claims to see a strange figure that no one else can. Now, Lapis and Peridot must work together to figure out what is wrong with Lapis, before something even worse happens.





	1. The Figure on the hill

**_ Lapis POV _ **

This is it.

This is how I die.

I knelt on the hilltop high above the ground, the ocean stretching out as far as the eye could see. Storm clouds had formed, stirring up the wind and causing rain to pour down hard around me. The strange figure still stood before me with his hand outstretched, his words still lingered in the air:

**If you help me, I won't hurt the little pipsqueak you seem to care _soooo_ much about.**

Those words ignited a fear I had long suppressed for so many years. The fear of hurting those I was close to. The fear of becoming what I refused to acknowledge existed.

The fear of becoming a monster.

I still didn't understand how I got into this situation. I managed to hurt all my friends, almost shattered the only gem who I cared about, lost control of my mind and body to something sinister inside me, and I still felt the worst was yet to come.

**You don't understand, you never could. They took away everything from me. My life, my family, everything I worked to create and preserve. They don't care. They never did. So I'll take the one thing the care about, the one thing they swore to protect.**

The storm seemed to pick up with intensity. I was practically shivering, but not from the temperature. I was so weak at that point. At that point, I wanted to curl up in a hole far away from anyone I cared about and just rot away. Far from Steven. From the Crystal Gems.

Far from Peridot.

But I couldn't run away from this. I could wake up from this nightmare swirling around me. This is the cruel reality I lived in. The one I made.

"Please..." I begged, "don't make me do this, I can't do this again. I can't..."

**There is no way out of this, Lazuli. You can either help me and I won't hurt those who claim to care about you, or I take back control by force and destroy everything in sight.**

He won't let me be. No matter what I chose, someone will get hurt. And I will have to live with that for the rest of my existence. It doesn't matter. Did it ever?

How did things get so bad... How did they get so out of control?

I know how.

I started with a simple mission.


	2. A Simple Life

**_ Lapis POV _ **

As you might have guessed, my name is Lapis Lazuli. I'm a gem, which is to say, a species not from Earth. I had a pretty simple life. I was friends with a human-gem hybrid named Steven Universe. I also belong to a group of rebels called the Crystal Gems, who help protect this planet from Homeworld, the place where I come from. The Crystal Gems consisted of Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, Steven, Me, and... Peridot. I lived in the countryside in a redecorated barn, and for once I actually was happy about my life and how it was going...

And then there was Peridot.

Peridot, another member of the Crystal Gems, just so happens to be my roommate in the barn. She's small, she's funny, she's green and to be honest... I think I'm kind of falling for her.

Everytime we're together, I get this fuzzy feeling in my head, and my face starts to heat up whenever we started talking. I chalked it up to trauma or maybe a problem with my gem at first, but I slowly started to realize I...  _liked_  her.

I actually really enjoyed how my life was going. Everything was really starting... click, you know? I was finally happy with where I was

And then Peridot had to go and invite me on that stupid mission.

It was a warm day at the barn and I was in the middle of a book Steven had lent me, when suddenly, Peridot burst through the barn doors.

"Lapis! " Peridot screamed, "The Crystal Gems and I are going on a mission to fight a bunch of weird corrupted gems we found by this abandoned scientific lab in the Prime Kindergarten. Care to join us?"

"I don't know. I'm kinda in the middle of book right now, and I don't feel like doing much else." I replied.

"Come on, please?" Peridot begged, "It'll be fun, I promise!"

"The last time you told me that, I almost shattered and you almost got crushed under a pile of rocks, and we didn't even catch the corrupted gem." 

Peridot blushed and let out a nervous laugh: "Okay, so our last mission didn't go  _soooo_  well, but this time will be different!" I was still reluctant. "Come on Lapis, please?" Peridot looked up at me with these puppy dog eyes.

Stupid small gem and her small gem charm.

"Okay Peridot, I'll go on the mission."


	3. A Simple Mission

**_ Lapis POV _ **

\--WARP--

Me and Peridot warped to the Temple, the place where Steven and the Crystal Gems hung out. It was strangely empty, though.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Oh, they already left. I told them I would catch up with them after I asked you if you wanted to go." replied Peridot.

"Oh, then why are we here and not where the mission is?"

"I Just needed to get something before we went. I've been meaning to try it out for a while now, but I haven't got the chance." Peridot said, before running behind the kitchen counter.

After a while, Peridot came back out with a big, clunky... object attached to her wrist. It looked complicated, so I had no idea what it did.

"I see that you're staring at my brand new, corrupted gem detector, made by yours truly!" Peridot said with a slight bow. "With this device, I'll be able to detect any and all gem material corrupted in a five kilometer radius! Now what happened on our last mission won't happen again"

"That's actually really cool. Good job Peridot." I complimented.

The little green gem blushed a little. "Yes, well... uh, th-thank you Lapis. Shall we get going?"

"I guess."

"Alright, to the Prime Kindergarten!" yelled Peridot as she hoped on the warp pad.

I stepped onto the warp pad right next to Peridot. 

"Okay then." I said.

\--WARP--

Soon, me and Peridot warped into the Prime Kindergarten, a place where gems were made on Earth. However, as soon as we warped in, a gigantic hunk of rock was thrown at us.

"Peridot, look out!" I yell as I pull the green gem down, avoiding the bolder.

"Peridot! Lapis! Are you guys okay?" yelled a small child in the distance. It was Steven, the leader of the crystal gems and a good friend of me and Peridot.

"Yes Steven, we're fine." Peridot replied, slowly getting up. "Anyways, what caused that rock to come flying at us?"

"Oh, the corrupted gem did. They're usually really strong, but this one is really, REALLY, strong. It's also acting really weird." Steven said.

"Well Steven, you're in luck. I, the great and lovable Peridot, have created an amazing device that will allow me to scan for any and all corrupted gems along with their weaknesses!" boasted Peridot.

"Woah, Really?!?! That's  _super_ cool!" yelled Steven.

"yes, thank you Steven" Peridot replied.

Suddenly, a loud crash came from a far off corner of the Kindergarten.

"That must be the corrupted gem. Come guys!" yelled Steven as he sped off towards the loud noise.

"Come on Peri, we gotta go help them." I said as started to walk off with Steven.

"Yes, you are quite right Lap- wait, what?" stuttered Peridot. "D-did you just call me P- _Peri?_ "

Crap. I never called Peridot anything but her normal name. Peri just seemed like a cute nickname, but then I remembered that Peridot both hated being called "Cute" or anything that related to the word.

"Uh... yeah..." I stammered, trying to think up an excuse. "it's easier to c-call out during b-battle... right?"

"Oh yeah. I guess you're right." said Peridot.

We started walking towards the fighting and noises when all of a sudden, the floor beneath me caved in. I fell so far down that when I hit the ground, I immediately blacked out.

I kinda wish I never woke up.

 


	4. The Goo

**_ Lapis POV _ **

When I finally came to, I looked around the place I now found myself in. It looked liked to be some sort of lab, but it was so broken down and desolate that it was hard to make out. Well, it didn't matter where I was. What matters is where the exit was.

As I started to make my way towards the door at the other end of the lab, I heard a loud crash and looked up to the hole I fell through. To my utter suprise, I saw a corrupted gem being thrown at me at full force. I tried to duck out of the way, but instead slammed myself into a desk, causing a bunch of old papers and broken machines to fly up into the air.

As I got back up, I stared back at the corrupted gem in front of me. For some reason, it hadn't poofed yet, despite the force that was used to throw it into the wall. I got up and started walking towards it, when suddenly I heard a familiar voice from behind me.

"Lapis, you're awake! Thank goodness, I was beggining to worry. Are you okay?" Peridot said, looking down into the lab I was stuck in.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm guessing you guys were the ones who threw the gem down here. Did you mean to hit me, or was that only a lucky shot?" I joked.

"No, the gem just charged at us, so Garnet made a quick decision and threw her down here. Hey, while you're down here, can you bubble up the gem so we can go home?" 

"I would but there's just one problem."

"And what would that be?"

"The gem didn't poof yet."

Peridot looked at me with a dumbfounded face. "How is that even possible?!? We hit it with so much force so many times it should have poofed hours ago!"

"Well, it hasn't. Do you want me to take care of it?"

"If you could, that would be helpful. I'll meet you by the warp pad when you get out of... wherever you are." Peridot replied.

"So you're not even gonna lend a hand on helping me get out of here?"

"I would, but we're busy clearing rubble off of the warp pad. I'm sure you can find a way out. Seeya Lapis!" Peridot said as she took off.

I sighed and then looked over at the corrupted gem. It seemed to be in a sort of pain. I walked over to it, prepared to punch the gem in order to try and poof it. However, when I did, I noticed something weird around the gem's gem.

It seemed to be oozing and slimy.

I walked over to the corrupted gem. It seemed stuck under some debris,  so I didn't have to worry about it getting away. 

When I got closer to the corrupted gem, I could finally get a good look at what was going on with it. It seemed to be oozing a grey, thick liquid around it. It almost seemed like it was... moving? 

I reached forward to try and touch the weird goo, when all of a sudden the corrupted gem started screeching and tried to claw at me. I stepped back and waited for it to calm down.

"Shhh, I'm not trying to hurt you. I just want to see what's wrong with your gem." I said, trying to calm the corrupted gem.

The creature slowly calmed down. I got closer again and went to touch the substance. It felt warm and viscous, but other than that, it really wasn't much else. 

Then I tried to walk away, and found my hand stuck in the strange goo. It was almost like it was gripping me.

"What the hell?"

I tried to pull myself away again but the goo pulled with even more force. I slipped and fell.

That's when the goo started to make its way up my arm.

At this point, I was freaking out on the inside. "Get off me! Steven! Pearl! Peridot! Anyone please, help me!" I yelled, still trying to pry the goo off me.

The goo had crawled it's way so far up my arm it was practically reaching over my shoulder. That's when the goo stretched far enough to touch my gem.

If I wasn't panicking before, I was now. The goo started to attach itself to my gem and it felt like it was digging into my back. I yelled as loud as I could to try and get someone's attention, anyone's attention. But nobody heard me. The pain I felt in my back was unlike anything I had ever felt before.

And then everything went black.


	5. Emotional

**_ Lapis POV _ **

I woke up in the middle of the night. I looked around and found that I was back in the barn. I tried to get up, but a felt a sharp pain in the back. I winced and laid back down.

I looked around and noticed that Peridot was actually sleeping in a nearby chair. She must have been panicking a lot, because Peridot only sleeps when she's really stressed. It was kinda cute, knowing that she cared so much that she fell asleep watching over me.

_I hate her so fucking much right now._

What the hell was that? I shot back up and looked back at Peridot. Why the hell did I think that? I've never thought about Peridot like that since I've known her. The only time I ever felt angry towards her was when I first met her, and I didn't even feel as angry as I felt right now. What scared me the most was that fact that the thought entered my mind so... easily.

 _Whatever, she deserves it for always being such a bitch._  

Now I was terrified. I've never had thoughts like this before, much less towards Peridot. I needed air, I needed to clear my head. I tried to get up again, but felt that pain in my back again. I ended up screaming pretty loudly. Peridot's eyes shot awake.

"Oh my stars, Lapis! You're finally awake! Are you okay? When we found you, you were passed out, so I was super worried about you!" The little green gem exclaimed.

_Look it her. She's worried about me? She left me down in that lab with that weird shit!_

No, stop that! Those aren't my thoughts! I... Wait, the goo... What happened to that goo?

"I'm f-fine Peridot. Just a l-little sore, t-that's all." I stuttered, trying not to let my weird thoughts influence how I treat her.

"Are you sure? No other strange feelings or pain... maybe regarding your gem?"

_Are you really talking to me about my fucking gem?!? AFTER YOU LEFT ME IN THAT FUCKING DESOLATE PLACE?!?_

"What d-do you mean?" I said.

"Okay Lapis, don't panic. When we found you, you were sweating profusely and it seemed like you were in pain. Then we flipped you over and... Lapis, there's something growing out of your gem..." Said Peridot.

_WHAT?!?!?!?!?!_

"There's s-something growing o-out of m-my... MY GEM?!?!" I yelled.

"Like I said, don't panic. Whatever it is, it doesn't seem to be doing anything harmful to you. Calm down." Peridot said in a calming voice.

_Oh you little shit..._

"PERIDOT, THERE'S SOMETHING GROWING OUT OF THE BACK OF MY GEM, I FEEL LIKE SOMETHING IS STABBING ME IN THE BACK, AND I FEEL LIKE SHIT! SO DON'T TELL ME TO "CALM DOWN", YOU FUCK!"

I covered my mouth as soon as I said that last sentence. I never meant to say that. Peridot looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"I-I'm sorry L-Lapis. I d-didn't mean t-to upset y-you" Peridot stuttered.

"Nonono Peridot, I didn't mean to say that! I... I don't know what's happening to me. I found something down in that hole. It was some sort of weird goo. I think... I think it might be inside of me. Can you tell me what's growing out of my gem?" I said.

I felt so bad. I just insulted Peridot to her face. It felt so... natural though.

"A-actually, I can show you." Peridot then reached down behind her chair and pulled out a photograph. "Steven took a photo of your gem so you could see  it."

I took the photo out of her hand and looked at it.

_Oh. My. God. What is that._

"I-is that an e-eye?" I said. "That t-thing is g-growing out of m-me?!?!"

_I'm going to die. This is it. I'm going to die and there's nothing I can do about it._

My eyes poured over with tears. Tears... why am I crying? I didn't feel sad a second ago...

"Peri, what's happening to me..."

Peridot came over to me, wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close to her.

"I... I don't know. But whatever it is, we're going to figure it out." Peridot said.

I was pretty... comfy being hugged by her. I felt pretty sleepy too. Just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard her say something.

"And if we don't, we can always shatter you and forget you!"

I shot up from the bed I was laying on, the pain from my gem still stabbing me in the back.

"Lapis, are you okay?"

"Why did you say that?!" I asked worryingly.

"Say what? All I said was "I'll be here for you." Peridot replied.

"That's not what I heard..."

"...What did you hear?" She asked.

"Y-you said y-you were going to s-shatter and f-forget about me..."

Peridot looked surprised. She got up, grabbed me, and laid me down gently back onto the bed.

"I would never do that to you, Lapis. I care about you."

I fell asleep next to her a few minutes later.

 

The next day only got worse.


	6. Symptoms and Figures

**_ Lapis POV _ **

When I woke up the next morning, the pain in my gem had almost completely gone away. It was almost felt like a distant memory with how comfortable I felt without a stabbing pain in my back. I looked around the barn and saw Peridot working on some sort machine. I almost thought that last night was all a dream until...

_Oh look, the bitch is already awake._

I sighed and started to get up, when Peridot saw I was finally awake.

"Ah, Lapis! You're finally awake! How are you feeling today?" She said.

"I-I'm doing m-much better. I'm s-still have those w-weird thoughts, t-though." I replied.

"Oh... I've been trying to figure out what's happening to you, but I haven't had any luck. Nor have I had luck in figuring out how to suppress those symptoms of yours." Peridot said, still focused on the machine in front of her.

_So what, the little trinket in front of you is more important than your FUCKING FRIEND?!?_

"Well, there is one solution..." Peridot says, reaching for a blade near the machine she was working on.

"W...What are y-you doing?" I stuttered, trying to back away.

"Shhh... It'll all be over soon, Lazuli." Peridot said, raising the blade above her head.

"NOOOOOOO!" I screamed, my eyes shut and hands covering my head.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of hands shaking me. I slowly opened my eyes, when a familiar voice started shouting at me.

"Lapis, calm down! Whatever you saw didn't happen! It's just me, nobody else! Are you okay?" Peridot shouted worryingly.

"I... I don't what's h-happening to me Peri... I'm scared..." I stuttered.

Peridot looked at me with actual concern. I didn't think she cared so much.

_Whatever, she's probably faking it. After all, she is the worse person on this gem-forsaken planet._

"Whatever is happening, we're gonna figure it out together. I'm here for you..." reassured Peridot.

Suddenly, we heard the warp pad outside the barn activate and Peridot left to see who had warped in. From within the barn, I heard a small, upbeat voice yell.

"Peridot! Lapis! We came by to see how Lapis is doing!" Steven yelled.

I slowly made my way towards the barn door to see Steven run up to give me a hug. Behind him were the rest of the Crystal Gems.

"Lapis, how are you! We were so worried about you. Peridot even cried!" Steven said, hugging me.

"I... I d-did no s-such thing! I w-was simply worried a-about the integrity of the t-team!" Stammered Peridot, blushing like crazy.

I chuckled a little bit, and looked back at Steven. He looked so happy to see me.

_Look at the little brat. She's worse than Peri-snot._

My eyes went wide. No... No, not Steven. These thoughts can insult anybody else: Pearl, Garnet, any other Crystal Gems, even Peridot. But not Steven. He doesn't deserve that...

"Steven... Get a-away"

"What?"

_Look at him. The little shit can't take a hint._

My heart started to beat faster. I had to get him away from me, before I did something to him I would regret.

"You h-heard me Steven. Get. Away."

"Lapis... Are you feeling alright?" Peridot asked.

I could feel my emotions start to rise. I didn't want to feel them, but I couldn't stop them.

Then the worst possible thing happened

"CAN'T YOU JUST LISTEN ME FOR ONE FUCKING TIME AND BACK AWAY, YOU LITTLE BRAT!"

As soon as I said that, my hands shot up to cover my mouth. I looked around to see the damage I had done.

Pearl's mouth was hanging wide open.

Garnet and Amethyst both looked at me with shocked expressions.

Peridot went over to confront Steven.

Steven...

Steven had tears flowing down his face. His eyes looked like they had just had the innocence taken out of them. His hands were trembling and he was taking steps away from me.

"I...Steven..." I tried to say something but instead stopped myself.

I turned around and ran right into the barn, closed the big wooden doors, and locked myself in. I knelt down and started crying.

"What the hell is wrong with me..." I said between sobs.

I can't do this anymore. Hurting people near me, it's just too much. Maybe I could run away. Go to somewhere far and secluded so no one can find me and I can die in peace. That sounds like a good idea, actually...

I got up and went to unlock the barn door to leave, when all of a sudden I heard someone shouting behind me...

**CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?!?! PLEASE?!? I'M STILL ALIVE, I SWEAR!!!**

I whipped around and looked to see who was talking. 

In the corner of the barn stood a mysterious figure. I tried to make out what he looked like, but the shadows of the barn covered him in darkness.

"W-who's there? Come out w-where I can s-see you!" I yelled.

The mysterious figure head popped up and he spoke again.

**You... You can hear me?**

"Yeah, and I w-would appreciate it if y-you could come out of the c-corner and show m-me what you look l-like!" I yelled

The figure slowly started walking towards me.

**You...You can SEE me?!?**

At this point, the figure's body was fully in the light. He seemed to be wearing a smudged white lab coat, muddy boots, and a white t-shirt under the lab coat. His skin seemed to be dark gray and flaking

"Yeah... What, can you not see me?"

**I... You can see me... YOU CAN SEE ME!!!!! I'M NOT DEAD!!!! I'M NOT GOING CRAZY!!!**

Then the figure fully stepped out of the shadows. His hair seemed to be messy, and there was a big smile plastered on his face. But the feature that stood out to me were his eyes.

His eyes seemed to rectangular, and they were gray and hollow. I felt like they were looking into my soul.

The figure ran at full speed towards me and hugged me as hard as he could.

**OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! I CAN STILL BE SEEN!!!!**

I tried to wiggle my way out of his grasp, when all of a sudden he let go of me and held his hand out.

**It's so nice to meet you, Miss...**

"Um.... Lapis. Lapis Lazuli." I said as I shook his hand.

**Well, It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss Lazuli. I would tell you my name but...**

His face seemed to freeze in place.

**But... I don't remember my name, or anything about me for that matter.**

"Oh... I'm sorry..." I said, trying to console him.

**Nah, it's okay. It's not your fault.**

We both starred at each other for a while.

**I guess you can call me... um... Gray? Yeah, you can call me Gray!**

"Okay then. N-nice to meet you Mister Gray." I replied

**It's nice to meet you too.**


	7. Gray

**_ Lapis POV _ **

**So... I heard you yelling some pretty mean stuff to someone outside. Who was that?**

I was still talking with Gray after we first met. We were sitting in the middle of the barn, just asking each other questions about each other. He was a pretty nice guy, as far as hallucinations go. At least, I was still 75% sure he was a hallucination. I mean, he just appeared out of nowhere in the barn as soon as I entered. What kind of coincidence is that? However, the more I talked with him, the more I started to doubt his realness. I did learn some pretty Important things about him:

\- He had no memories of who he was, but he knew a lot of facts and was pretty smart.

\- He was pretty charismatic.

\- He had a fear of heights.

I also told him a few things about myself, like how I enjoy a good episode of Camp Pining Hearts and how I spent thousands of years stuck in a mirror. 

You know, the basic stuff. I also told him a little bit about the Crystal Gems and Peridot.

"Oh, you mean Steven? Yeah, he's a good friend but... I didn't mean to yell at him. I've actually been kinda sick lately. I've been getting weird thoughts and emotions that push me to do... horrible things. I'm actually kind of scared of what's going to happen to me..." I replied.

**Oh... I'm sorry to hear that.**

"Nah, don't apoligize. It's not your fault"

We sat there for a little while till I decided to ask the next question.

"So... when we first met, you were yelling something about 'being heard' and 'being seen' and stuff like that. What was that about?" I asked.

Gray's eyes went wide for a second, and then he spoke up.

**Well, it's actually a pretty long story.**

"I've got time."

Gray looks back at me and then takes a deep breath.

**Well, I guess it all started last night. I used to be in this weird... void-like place. I felt trapped... suffocating... begging someone, anyone to let me out of there. Then all of a sudden: BAM! I pop out of the void and appear in this barn in the middle of the night. I look around and see both you and that small, green person sleeping. I went to ask you where I was and who you guys were, but no matter how hard I shouted and flailed, both of you couldn't hear me. So, I did what any normal... whatever I am now would do in that scenario: I started to panic. What if I was dead? What if I was a ghost? That scared me so much. So when you actually reacted to me a few minutes ago, I got so excited! I mean, not only do I have someone to talk to, but I have someone to help me!**

"What do you mean 'help me?' "

**Well, I don't think I'm dead or a ghost... You're not psychic, are you?**

"what's a psychic?"

**I think that answers my question. Anyways, I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere in between alive and dead. If I just find a way to get back to the 'alive' side of this equations, things will go back to normal. And I think you can help me with that... You will help me out with that, right?**

"I... Uh..."

I thought for a moment. Gray seemed genuinely hopeful I'd help him figure out whatever was happening to him. The only problem with that statement is that 1) I wasn't the smartest gem, and 2) I was still dealing with my own problems.

"Listen Gray, I... I want to help... I really do, but I don't think I can. I'm no scientist and I have no idea what's happening to you. Plus, I'm still sick with something I don't even know what it is. Why don't I just... I don't know... Drop off some science equipment and some of Peridot's stuff and you can just work in here? I mean, I'm pretty sure Peridot could help you more than I can! You guys could talk and work together!" I responded.

Gray looked surprised, then got up and walked to a nearby table.

**While I would love any situation where I can save you trouble, there are a few problems with your idea: 1) You have been the only person who I've been able to talk to so far and I doubt that's gonna change anytime soon, and 2) this:**

He then reached down to pick up a cup on the table, but his hand just passed right through it.

**I can't touch anything physical except for you, and that creates a sort of problem when you need to work with a bunch of PHYSICAL science machines. You're the only person who I can talk too and who can work the machines I need to use to figure out what's wrong with me.**

"Oh... Sorry I didn't know." I said.

**_Sigh_ , it's okay. I... didn't mean to sound mean... **

We sat in silence for another minute.

**Look, you have something wrong with you, right? Well, if you help me figure out what's wrong with me, once I come back to life, I can help you solve whatever is affecting you! You know, a whole "you scratch my back, I scratch your's" kind of deal!**

"Well..."

I don't know why he brought up scratching backs (maybe another Earth saying I don't understand yet), but he had a point. Peridot wasn't any closer to figuring out what was wrong with me, and Gray seemed to be just as smart as her. If I could bring him to life, he and Peri could work together and help cure whatever's forcing those horrible thoughts into my head and making me see and hear weird things.

"Okay... If we work together though, you HAVE to promise me you will help me figure out what's wrong with me." I said.

**Don't worry, as soon as I'm back in the real world, my only mission in life will be helping you get your's back to normal.**

I stretch out my hand. "Okay, it's a deal".

Gray shakes my hand violently.

**OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOOUUU!!**

All of a sudden, there was a knock on the barn door. I jumped and Gray took a step back

"Lapis, it's me... Peridot. Can you o-open the door, please? I just want to talk."

I slowly got up to unlock the barn door, when I realized I hadn't had a single bad thought about anyone while I was talking to Gray. Not Steven, not Peridot, not even Gray himself. Maybe my thoughts were finally calming down.

I unlocked the barn door, and opened it slightly.

"W-What's going o-on, Peri?"

"Well, I explained everything to the Crystal Gems and to Steven, so they calmed down a bit. Steven wants to talk to you..."

"Okay, I'll be right out."

I turned back to face Gray.

"I'll tell Peridot all about you, then we can get to work." I told him.

**Okay.**  

I walked outside when Peridot pulled me over and whispered something to me.

"No one else lives in the barn but us... Who were you talking to?"

"I'll tell you later." I replied.

We got close to Steven when he started getting closer on his own. The other Crystal Gems we're right behind him, and Steven still looked scared of me. He spoke up in a much softer voice than usual.

"So... P-Peridot explained t-to me what's happening. I k-knew you we're s-sick, but I d-didn't think you were that s-sick."

I looked down at the ground. I had hurt Steven in a way I didn't thought I could. I didn't really have that guts to talk to him, but I made in attempt to make things right.

"Yeah... S-Steven, listen I'm so sorry about what happened. I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. I just... can't control my emotions right now. I'm so sorry..." I said, trying my best to apologize.

"It's okay Lapis, I u-understand. Can we just calm down and talk? Like always."

I chuckled to myself.

"Sure thing, Steven."

After that, we talked for a while. Steven and the Crystal Gems managed to calm down, and we just talked about normal things. I tried to keep my mind off of my sickeness, and it actually worked. I was actually... at peace.

After a while, Steven got tired and the Crystal Gems decided to go home. We said our goodbyes and I went back into the barn. Peridot followed right behind me.

"What. A. Day." She said with a sigh.

"Yeah, it was a pretty stressful day, wasn't it?"I replied.

"Well, the good thing is you seem to be doing a lot better than before."

I stopped for a minute.

"Yeah... I am, aren't I"

"Well, it's getting late. I'm going to try to fall asleep for a reason other than stress for the first time this week. Goodnight Lapis." Peridot said, before climbing up a ladder towards a little bed.

"Goodnight Peri." I replied, I saw her look back for a second, blush, and continued climbing up the ladder

I laughed to myself. Everything is going better. Maybe I won't even need Gray's help. Maybe it'll all go away by tomorrow.

Then all of a sudden, my gem started to hurt.

That stabbing feeling came back, only this time it was a thousand times worse. I clutched my gem and tried to scream, but nothing came out of my voice. I tried to cry, but tears wouldn't fall from my eyes. I was trapped.

Then I heard it.

The voice.

_The stupid Peridot and her stupid resting bitch face. Who does she think she is?!?! She's probably plotting some way to embarrass me all over again. Fuck that. Fuck this. We need to do something to punish her!_

The thoughts were back, but this time it was like they were shouting, yelling... I couldn't think straight! I... I need to get rid of these thoughts. My hand instinctively went for a blade near Peridot's stuff. But instead of trying to fight these new emotions, something worse happened.

A smile slowly crept unto my face, my eyes went wide, and I started chuckling to myself.

"You know what... _That's actually not a bad idea."_


	8. Powerful Thoughts

_**Lapis POV** _

I slowly walked towards the ladder leading up to Peridot's bed, making sure not to make any noise and wake her. If I was going to  _punish_  her, I would to do it quietly.

As I slowly climbed the ladder with blade in hand, I heard some movement from behind me. Then I heard a familiar voice call out:

**Lapis? What are you doing up so late?**

 I looked behind me and saw that Gray had reappeared in the Barn. I had no idea where he went when I was talking to Steven, but wherever he went, I couldn't have him ruin my plan. I chuckled and put a finger to my lips.

" _Shhh... We don't want to wake resting bitch face up there._ "

**Wait, what? Who are you talking about? What... What are you doing with that knife?**  

" _Don't worry about it_ "

I continued my way up the ladder until I got to the top and climbed up. Peridot was sleeping on her small little mattress. I loomed over her, staring. 

_Look at her... How can she be sleeping so peacefully knowing we're not even close to understanding what is fucking HAPPENING TO ME!_

I clutched the knife closer to myself. I felt like my blood was boiling in my veins. These thoughts, they're so... overwhelming. I needed to relieve myself of them.

Just one little slash, and I would be able to think clearly again...  _One. Quick. Slash._

Peridot's eyes fluttered awake. She still seemed half asleep, but she seemed pretty confused.

"Lapis... What are you doing staring at me?" she asked.

My smile grew wider. I started giggling to myself.

_One. Quick. Slash._

" _Don't worry, PERI. Just hold still, or I'll make this a thousand times more painful than it has to be..._ "

I started to raise the knife over my head. My giggles became laughter. My smile became even wider.

Peridot noticed my manic face and the knife over my head. Her eyes went wide, and she started to back away.

"L-Lapis? Are y-you okay? Just p-put down the knife, and w-we can talk, r-right?"

I stepped closer towards the now panicking Peridot. My laughter turned to cackles. My eyes went wide.

_One. Quick. Slash._

" _Oh PERI... I've wanted to do this to you ever since I saw you in the barn._ "

I brought the knife down fast.

_ONE. QUICK. SLASH!_

"LAPIS, NO!"

" _GOODBYE PERIDOT!!!_ "

**LAPIS WAIT!**

The knife stopped just about an inch from Peridot's gem.

" _...What do you want?_ "

**Lapis, lis** **ten to me! This isn't you, this is that**   **infection inside of you. You don't need to do this!**

" _You don't understand, I NEED to do this. The thoughts... They're just so painful. Just one quick slash, and I'm done..._ "

**NO, YOU DON'T NEED THIS! Lapis, I may not know you as much as your other friends, but I still know you. And this isn't you!**

" _SHUT UP! You don't know me! You don't know what's going through my mind!_ "

**But I DO know you Lapis! You're a slightly lazy, slightly apathetic, yet kind person! You enjoy a cheesy 80's romcom and you help save the planet from time to time!  You were kept in a mirror AND as a prisoner at the bottom of the ocean for months on end, yet above all else you've become close friends to the people who put you in those situations! This... This isn't you!**

" _You don't understand, I'm the only one who help myself! I NEED to do this!_ "

**But you aren't the only one! You have so many people who care about you! I... I made you a promise... and I'll be damned if I break it... You're not alone in this...**

At stood there, staring at Gray, still looming over Peridot, those painful thoughts still in the back of my head.

_WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?!? He doesn't get me! I don't have any other choice! I... I..._

All of a sudden, the thoughts that were unbearable at one point slowly quieted down, and I realized what I was doing.

I was trying to kill my best friend. The person who cared for me and looked after me even when I wouldn't for her. The only person I... loved.

I could feel my hands shaking. Tears were forming in the corners of my eyes. I turned back to face Peridot and let the knife fall to my side.

" _Peridot... I..._ "

"...Lapis?"

I let my tears flow down my face. I knelt down and hugged Peridot as hard as I could. If I had hugged her any harder, she probably would have poofed.

"P-Peridot... I'm so s-sorry... I don't k-know what came o-over me... I didn't m-mean to... I..."

Peridot pulled me closer.

"Lapis... it's okay... you're okay now..."

I looked Peridot straight in the eyes.

"But it's not okay, Peri! I just tried to kill you!"

"Lapis... I know you didn't mean it... It's that infection that's doing this... not you. We'll... We'll find a way to fix this. I promise..."

*sniff* "Okay..."

For the rest of the night, we just sat there. I was curled up into a ball, not saying a word, and Peri stroked my hair, trying to calm me down.

"It's going to be okay Lapis... We're going to figure this out." Peridot said.

I really wish I could believe her. I really wish I could believe things were going to be okay.

"Peri... thank you." I said

"F-For what?" She asked.

"For taking care of me..."

I started to fall asleep in the middle of my sentence,but not before I heard her say something.

"Don't worry. I'll always take care of you..."


	9. Come fly with me

**_ Lapis POV _ **

I woke up the next morning, still curled up in a ball, when I noticed that Peridot was nowhere to be found. I got up and started looking around for her, when I noticed a note from Peri:  
  


_Lapis,_

_I went out with Steven to look for supplies for a machine that could help your condition. It may be a while before I come back, so try to stay in the barn so your condition doesn't worsen. If you get bored, your books are over by the mattress you slept on. Also, I want you to tell me about whoever you keep talking to when I get back. I have a feeling that it might be a side effect of your infection._

_From_

_Peri :)_

I laughed at the little smiley face. Even when she wasn't here, Peri still managed to stay cute.

_Ah well, every horrible person shows a sweet side to hide their true selves._

Shut up, horrible thoughts. I'm not gonna let you get to me. Not after what happened last night.

I got up and did a quick stretch. I climbed down from where I was sleeping and went outside the barn to get some sunlight. Surprisingly, I actually felt pretty refreshed despite last nights events. I was about to go back inside, when I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

**Good morning, Lapis! Did you sleep well?**

"Yeah, I actually slept pretty well, considering..." I stopped myself before I could say any more. I wanted to try and forget as much of last night as I could.

**Well, I figured that, with what happened last night, we start to work on figuring out what's wrong with me right away, so I can figure out what's wrong with you.**

"Oh, right. That's fine. What do we have to do to get started?"

**I overheard that your little green friend was going out to get some supplies for machinery, so I figured we head out and do a little "shopping" ourselves.**

"Oh... Peridot doesn't have the stuff you need here to work?"

**Well, she does have most of the stuff I might need, but I still need chemicals and a portable nuclear fusion generator to keep the Ion particles from destabilizing.**

"... I feel like you're making this stuff up."

**N-no...**

I raised my eyebrows.

**Okay, fine! Look, these past few days have been nothing but boring and horrible. I just want to get out of this barn and have a look around this part of the world. I want to see things again, you know? After that, I could work in peace with my curiosity satisfied.**

"Then why didn't you say that?"

**I didn't want you to think I wasn't worried about your condition or that I was blowing off work...**

I looked at him for a second. I kinda never thought of that before. He had never left the barn the entire time because he was trying to talk to me and Peridot. Plus, he had no memory of who he was before, so he couldn't have any memories of what the world looks like. I bet he felt... trapped.

"Hey... how about this: You and I go to Beach City. We spend some time there, and you can get any supplies you ACTUALLY need to work. Then, we head back home. At that point, Peridot should be home, so we can all work together to figure out both our problems, deal?"

Gray's eyes widened in excitement.

**R-Really!?! Dude, that's like the best plan ever!!! Thank you so much.**

He ran over and hugged me. I chuckled to myself.

"Okay then, lets head out."

I walked towards the more open part of the field in front of the barn. I did a quick stretch before letting my wings jet out of my gem. I haven't actually mentioned my wings yet to Gray, now that I think about it. They were completely made of water and were the only way I got around places besides warping, and I honestly prefer flying better.

**Oh my god, that's super cool! How'd you make those?**

"I... don't really know actually. I guess they just sort of appear out of my gem."

**So, do you use them to travel everywhere?**

"Just about. It's my favorite way to travel, but if where I'm going is way too far and I need to get there fast, I'll just warp there."

**Warp there?" What's that? Is it like teleportation?**

"Pretty much."

Gray was still awestruck by the wings, but then something strange started to happen. It felt like my legs themselves were made of water, and I started to lose my balance. I stuck my hands out to re-balance myself, but the feeling in my legs didn't seem to go away. Then, it felt like my insides were being turned inside out.

**L-Lapis? You doing okay?**

"I d-don't feel s-so good..."

**Lapis... Are your wings supposed to drip so much water?**

I looked up at my wings and what I saw felt like it could shatter me. My wings were falling apart. They were dripping a lot of water. A LOT of water. Way more than normal.

"No..."

I tried to fly away. I needed to get away. I shot up into the air as fast as I could, as far as I could. Until I started slowing down. Until I stopped.

Until I started falling.

My wings had completely disappeared from my gem, and I was falling back down to Earth,and fast.

I hit the ground with a loud  _thud._ I groaned for a minute and then got back up.

**Are you okay?**

"I'M. FINE."

I tried to summon my wings again, but all that came out of my gem were a few drops of water.

Oh no...

I felt tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. I had lost my wings. 

The wings that helped me return to Homeworld. 

The wings that helped me travel around the planet. 

The wings that brought me to my favorite places, with my favorite people

Those wings were are part of me.  _Just another part that I lost to this awful infection in my gem._

I started to cry. I knelt down and let the tears pour out of my eyes

**Hey... It's okay. Calm down. W-We can go back inside if you want. We're gonna figure this out, don't worry.**

"ARE WE GONNA FIGURE THIS OUT?!?! CAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME WE'RE NO CLOSER TO GETTING MY LIFE BACK FROM THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!!!!"

Gray came up to me and held out his hand to help me up.

**Look, I made you a promise. We're gonna get your wings back. We're gonna get your normal emotions back. We are going to get your life back.**

I chuckled to myself.

" _...Are you so sure?_ "

Gray's eyes went wide. He seemed to recognize this side of me.  _Good. This is the real side of me now._

**L-Lapis, calm down.**

" _What if I don't want to..._ "

Gray paused, then started to talk again.

**I know life looks bad. I know things seem like they aren't going to get better. But they will. You have to have hope. You can't give up.**

_He_... He's right.

I started to calm down, and took his hand. He helped get me back up on my feet.

**We need a distraction from all these bad thoughts... You still up for a day in Beach City?**

"Yeah... that s-sounds like fun."

**Okay, but we need another way to get there.**

"We can just use the warp pad."

**Okay.**

We started to walk towards the warp pad.

Time for a little bit of good in my life.

 

 

 


	10. Party

**_ Lapis POV _ **

\--WARP--

Me and Gray warped to a place near Beach City, by the Temple. Gray was clutching his stomach, and he looked like he was going to be sick

**That. Was by far. The worst experience. I have ever had. Ever.**

I chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess warping is a little weird for anyone that isn't a gem. It's an experience, that's for sure."

**I feel like my intestines are made of venomous snakes right now.**

We started walking towards Beach City. Gray's face seemed to light up when we got near. Then we were walking into the small city. He looked like he was about to pass out.

**Oh. My. God. It's so... beautiful. I feel like I've died and gone to urban heaven.**

"So you really don't remember ANYTHING about Beach City?"

**I'm not even sure I used to live in Beach City, so for all I know this could be my first time actual seeing this place. It's amazing, though. The ocean... The lights... I could spend all day in this place.**

I looked at Gray as he looked at the city with wonder. It reminded me of the first time I visited Earth. I thought the place looked beautiful my first time here thousands of years ago. 

I wish I could've kept the same appreciation for it as Gray was showing right now. But after spending so long stuck inside of mirror, months forcefully fused (Fusion is a sort of... combination of powers and personalities between two gems.) together with a horrible gem named Jasper, and living in constant fear of Homeworld coming to attack Earth, the blue planet simply didn't have the amazement it did so many years ago. It was a horrible reminder of the pain I went through

_And now this infection was just another awful memory in my horrible life on this hunk of rock._

I shot down that train of thought immediately. I knew that by this point, bad thoughts lead to even worse actions. Today, I enjoy myself.

**Lapis! Did you hear my question?**

I guess I had blanked out there for a second, because Gray was yelling a bit loader then usual.

"Huh?"

**I said: Can we go to this party? It looks like so much fun, and seems like the type of thing that could distract you from all the horrible things going on.**

He was holding up a piece of paper with words written on it. I read the paper over. 

_Rave tonight @ 9pm_

_Old Warehouse_

_Sour Cream on DJ_

_Free Glowsticks._

"Um... I don't know. I've never been to a party before. This might not be a good idea."

**Oh. My. God. Now we have to go. Going to a party is a once in a lifetime opportunity. You meet so many new people, and you have so much fun, and there's music to dance to, a-and... wait a minute...**

"That does sound like a lot of fun. You must have been to some good parties."

**That's just it...**

He turned to face me.

**I don't remember ever going to a party. I don't remember anything about parties.**

"So... How would you know what parties are like?"

**Maybe... Maybe I'm starting to get my memories back!**

"But... What caused them to come back?"

**I don't know... Maybe it was the party? OR MAYBE... it's the mention of the place the party's being held at!**

"This... this is good right?"

**Hell yeah, it's good! This could mean we're getting close to figuring out what's happening to me! I'm still a little confused as to what caused my memories to come back, or as to why it was only about parties...**

Then he started to calm down a little.

**Either way, we might get more answers if we go to this warehouse party. And besides, it's still a party! We have to have some kind of fun while we're here, right?**

"You know what... You're right! I've been feeling bad these past couple of days. It's time I made an effort to actually feel good. Let's go to the party!"

**ALL RIGHT! Now we just have to find where this warehouse is.**

A few hours later

After a while of searching, (and I mean a good 3 hours searching) we finally found the warehouse where the party was being held. It WAS kind of obvious, there were a bunch of bright lights coming out from it and a bunch of loud music. Maybe we couldn't find it before because the party hadn't started yet.

"I think this is the place."

**What gave it away: The loud noises or the flashy lights?**

"Shut up, Gray."

We walked up to the warehouse. It was up on a hill, so it was a bit of a climb. When we got up to the front of the warehouse, a male human greeted us at the door. The human took a look at me, and I saw him start to blush.

"Oh... h-hey there. You're gem, right? You here for the party?" he said.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Okay. Just got to m-make sure your at least 21 years of age. T-The drinks in here aren't exactly 'clean' and I don't want to get arrested tonight, y-you get me?"

"I'm at least a thousand years older than you. But no, I don't know what you mean by "clean" drinks."

Gray poked me in the back of the head. I turn my head around to face him.

**He means Alcohol. The drinks here will probably get you drunk.**

"Oh."

I turned around to face the guy at the door.

"Never mind." I said.

The guy looked confused by me talking to Gray. Then I remembered that Gray claimed no one else could see him, and that I probably look insane talking with someone no one else can see.

"Who, uh... Who are you talking to?"

"Uh..." I tried to think of an excuse to not make myself look crazy. "I have... gem... telepathy?"

Gray just smacked his head.

The human looked a little less confused, so I guess my excuse worked.

"Oh... Okay. Well, you can go inside now. Have... Have a good time. Oh, and when you go get drinks, just tell them that J-Jacob's paying for them." He said.

"Who's Jacob?"

"Uh... me."

"Oh..."

Why was "Jacob" buying me drinks? I had never met him in my entire life.

"Wow... thanks." I said, trying to remember what Peridot taught me to say when people give you gifts.

"No... No problem."

Gray started snickering behind me.

I walked inside the warehouse. The lights were flashing some many different colors. The music was a sort of electronic based, and it was uncomfortably loud. There were people dancing near a in the middle, and in the back of the warehouse there was a guy who was pour liquid into a bunch of red cups with a bunch of people crowded around him. I started to get little panicky. I had never been to a party before with a bunch of people I didn't know. 

Gray came up from behind me. He looked like he was stiffing a laugh.

**Okay, 1) What the fuck is gem telepathy, and 2) That guy was awful at flirting with you. It's a shame you got that "thing" for Peridot. That's gonna really hurt him when he finds out. I think he's got a mega-crush on you.**

"Look, I was trying to find an excuse to make myself not look completely out of my mind. So far, no one else can see you, so it looks pretty weird to see a random gem talking to herself. And for the record, that guy wasn't flirting. He was just being nice."

**Uh huh... "Nice." Lapis, he was literally stumbling on his words because of how you looked. This... This actually might not be good. Maybe don't take up his offer on drinks. Don't wanna waste his money then break his heart.**

"Wasn't going to. I can't get drunk. Me and Amethyst tried a while back and nothing happened. Gems can't get drunk, I guess."

**Okay, well... If you do actually go for the drinks, pay for them yourself. ANYWAYS... It's time to party! I've wanted to dance ever since we got here! You go have fun, I'm going to see if I can find a way to change the music to something more... classic.**

"Whatever, weirdo..."

Gray ran off into the crowd of people on the dance floor, he himself dancing with the biggest smile. I chuckled to myself. 

I did a little spin to warm up. It had been a while since I danced. Me and Peri used to dance all the time, but missions with the Crystal Gems stopped that. I made my way towards where all the people were dancing.

I walked past a bunch of people dancing with each other and I started to dance. It was small at first. A few spins, a well placed slide. But soon, I was starting to get more into it.

**Woo Hoo!! Go Lazuli! Nice Moves!**

Gray had somehow made his way up on the balcony overlooking the dance floor. He was standing next to a human with weird things around his neck, messing with some machines in front of him. I laughed at his comment.

I got more and more into the music that they were playing. It was fun, finally being able to dance again. It would have been so much better if Peridot was here. Then I could have danced with her.

_Then I wouldn't be so alone._

I started to slow down a little bit. I noticed people had stopped dancing and were now staring at me.

_Staring._

_Why were they all staring?_

My head started to feel lighter, and my chest tightened up. I stopped dancing.

"Wha... What are you all l-looking at?"

_They're getting closer._

I started to back away from the dance floor near one of the walls.

"Why'd you all s-stop dancing?"

_They're trapping me in!_

"I thought y-you were supposed to dance at this party... right?"

_I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!_

_STAY BACK!_

_I... I don't want to be alone..._

I shut my eyes as tight as I could. What was happening to me? I never felt so... horrible about dancing. I felt like I was gonna cry. 

_Why was everyone staring at me? Did I do something wrong? I... I want Peridot to be here. She could protect me from everyone... right? She wouldn't stare like everyone..._

_Right?_

_Oh god..._

_I need to get out of here..._

_I have to get out!_

_I..._

"Hey there, cutie."

I opened my eyes and spun around to see who was talking to me. It was this group of three humans. One of them had a white shirt on, the other had a blue shirt with no sleeves, and the one I assumed that was talking to me had a green shirt with yellow at the sleeves and his hair was sort of... pushed back.

"Huh?" I asked.  _Why were they talking to me? Were they staring too._

"You looked absolutely amazing out on the dance floor. Why'd you stop?" He said. His voice was... laid back. But it sounded... so forced...

"What?"

"Heh... shy one, huh? You gem people really don't get out much. I said: You're a good dancer, but why did you stop?"

What did this human want from me. "I, uh..." I was trying to think up a response. "I just didn't w-want to dance anymore, that's all..."

"Dang, that's a shame. I would have loved to join you~" The human said with a wink.

I blushed. What was he trying to do?

"Anyways, the name's Adam. My friends right here are Tyler and John. We'd like to invite you for a drink, if you don't mind?"

"I... I don't think so. I don't really drink and besides... I think I'm gonna head home."

**Lapis!**

I turned around to see Gray clumsily fall down from the ladder leading down from the balcony.

**What happened out there? You looked like you were about to have a heart attack! Who... are these guys?**

"Something the matter, baby?" Adam spoke up again.

I turned back around to face him.

"My name's Lapis, not... baby. And no, I just thought I heard something..."" I responded.

**Lapis, I'm literally talking to you right n... oh, right! We're pretending I don't exist! Sorry, it slipped my mind!**

"Lapis, huh? That's a beautiful name. Don't worry about whatever you heard... We were still talking... remember?" He chuckled.

I started to feel uncomfortable. Like... REALLY uncomfortable. I couldn't really tell when some one was flirting, (After all, I only flirt with Peridot and I can't even tell if I'm doing it right half the time) but this guy was obviously flirting.

"No... I t-think we're done talking."

**_ Grey's POV _ **

**_I saw Lapis get a really worried look on her face. This guy was obviously upsetting her. She just said she wanted to leave, so I tried to speak up_ **

**"Hey douchebag, back off. She's not interested."**

"No... I think we're not done quite yet."  ** _The asshole said. I had to say something to get his attention_**

**"Augh, can this guy not take no for an answer? SHE. SAID. SHE. WAS. DONE. TALKING!"**

"I think I'm g-gonna go now."  ** _Lapis turned to leave out the door, but the asshole grabbed her by the arm._**

"Don't turn your back on, hun! We're having a good time!"  ** _He snapped at her._**

"Let me go!"  ** _Lapis yelled._**

**_Goddammit, why can't he hear me? Why can't I do anything to help!_ **

**"LET GO OF HER, YOU DICK!"**

**_I went to shove him, but my hands just phased right through the guy._ **

"Imma show you a real good time, honey..."  ** _He whispered._**

 ** _Lapis finally shoved him away from her._** "I'm. Going."  ** _L_ _apis said, before turning around to leave._**

**_I caught up with her._ **

**"What a dick, am I right?"**

"Tell me about it. Can we go now?"

**"Yeah, I think I've had enough of this party for today."**

**_I turned around to see the asshole on the ground one last time before we left, when I saw he wasn't on the ground. He was up again, running at full speed._ **

_**Running at full speed towards Lapis, with a fist clenched... aimed towards her head.** _

**"LAPIS, LOOK OUT!"**

**_I spun around and tried to punch the douchbag back, anything to try and protect my friend. I knew I couldn't interact with anyone physically besides Lapis, but I had to try something. She wouldn't be able to react in time to stop the punch._ **

**_I pushed my fist out as hard as I could, closing my eyes to hopefully dull the pain of my fist hitting this dick's face... If I could even TOUCH his face, that is. I knew in the bottom of my heart that it wouldn't do anything, but I had to try..._ **

**_Maybe that's why what happened next surprised the shit out of me._ **

**_Instead of hearing the scream of my friend and the sound of fist connecting to head, I heard a large CRACK, then a deep groan, and then a slam._ **

**_The entire party went silent, and the music stopped._ **

**_What just happened?_ **

**_I slowly opened my eyes and looked down to see the douchebag laying on the ground, blood pouring out of his nose, while his friends just stood back in shock._ **

**_Did I actually hit him? Then why didn't I feel his face hit my fist..._ **

**_Then I looked over to my right._ **

**_Standing next to me, with the most shocked and worried expression on her face, was Lapis Lazuli, in the same exact awkward fighting stance as me, with the same hand clenched in a fist as me, pointed in the exact same direction as my fist, and facing the same direction as me._ **

**_She slowly looked towards me, and realized what I realized._ **

**_She had copied my every move. To the point._ **

**"What.** **The.** **Fuck."  
**

 


	11. Making connections

** _Lapis POV_ **

I'm having a mental breakdown. That's the only possible explanation to what just happened.

Okay, let's just recap tonight's events.

1) I just got a panic attack after going to a party in an old dingy "Warehouse".

2) This random group of guys start flirting with me and made me the more uncomfortable than when I first found out I was living in the same place as Peridot

3) I did a full tailspin and knocked a human's face in... without even controlling any of my movements or even realizing I was being attacked.

If this day wasn't scary enough already, it was completely terrifying now.

I looked over at Gray to see what had happened. Then I saw something that will haunt my memories for the rest of my life.

Gray was in the exact same position as me, throwing the exact same punch as me, towards the same exact person as I was. What was he doing? Why was he throwing a punch if he can't hit anybody? Then it hit me.

The lack of control of my movements, Gray copying my movements. It all made too much sense.

He was controlling my every move. I had lost complete control of my body.

I felt tears forming in the corners of my eyes. This... this was the final straw. I had officially lost all control over my life. I have no control...

_But there's no real need for control is there?_

_After all, when someone else is pulling the strings, the blame falls on them right?_

_I'm free to enjoy every single thing Gray can think up without ever needing to worry about what others will think of me. What I could do to others. It's not my fault, after all. It's the puppeteer's._

_The tears were now streaking down my face. What's the point of crying, though? If anything, this was liberating. It was AMAZING how free and relaxed I felt under someone else's control. Like, the weight of the world had been lifted right off my shoulders._

**What. The. Fuck.**

_Grey had finally spoken up after all this time. He seemed surprised, scared even. Why should he be, though? He's the one who gets to have all the fun now. I'm just here for the ride at this point._

_I started to laugh to myself. I still had control of my head, my voice. So why not use those?_

_"What's the matter, BABY? Can't handle a little rough stuff?" I said, looking down at the asshole that tried to hit me with a smirk._

_He tried to hit me._

_And Grey came to my rescue, defending me like a knight in shinning armor._

_So what if I sacrificed my free will? Small price to pay in exchanged to getting knocked out and used to fill out whatever sick thoughts ADAM had cooking up in his head._

_Grey had taken a slight step back, and my body mirrored the movements. He looked over to me, and I looked over to him._

**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!? STOP ANTAGONIZING HIM AND HIS FRIENDS!!! WE'RE LEAVING LAPIS, COME ON!**

_I stared right passed him. I looked to the crowd of people who had formed around me. My tears were still streaking out of my eyes, but I was still cackling._

_"DOES ANYONE ELSE WANT TO KEEP DANCING WITH ME?" I yelled out in between laughs. Everyone had slowly started backing away._

**That's it. I'm leaving.**

_Gray slowly made his way towards the door, and once again I felt the familiar feeling of my strings being pulled. I felt like a drug. SOOOOO freeing..._

_** Grey's POV ** _

**What the hell was up with Lazuli? One second she wants to leave the party and now she picking a fight with a bunch of guys that tried to molest her? Is she high? Can gems get high? Wait... Her voice...**

_What's the matter, BABY? Can't handle a little rough play?_  

**Oh shit...**

**I go to open the door to the building, when Lapis' blue hand does it for me. It was uncanny to see someone doing the exact same things as I was doing. Once we got outside, I turned around to face Lapis. She had tears streaming down her face, and a crazed smile plastered on. If you'd have seen it like I did, you would have thought she sewed the smile onto her own face with how unnatural it looked.**

**"Lapis, you need to calm down now. We're g-gonna figure out what's going on, o-okay?"** **  
**

**She started giggling to herself. The giggle turned into laughter. The laughter turned into cackling.**

_"I don't need to calm down. In fact, I've never felt better. I've been trying to fight all these new feelings, when all I needed to do was enjoy the ride. You're in control now, Gray. Show me what your idea of a good time is..."_

**SHIT.**

**I can't help her. She's not gonna listen.**

**We need to get back to the barn. Fast.** **  
**

**That little green girl... Penelope... Percy... Peridot? Peridot. Peridot could help. Lapis cares a lot about Peridot, and Peridot cares about Lapis. She might be able to calm her down.**

**Cause right now, I'm 99% sure that the sudden change in management of body movements is what's driving Lapis batshit bonkers.**

**I start to running towards the warp pad. Behind me, I hear a groan of disapoinment.**

_"Aww, what? We're going home already? But the fun just started..."_

**"Lapis, you're not thinking straight. We're going to the barn to see someone who can help!"**

** _Lapis POV_ **

\--WARP--

_Gray warped us back to the barn. Or rather... I warped us back, just under his control._

_Why we're we going back to the barn anyway? The fun was just beginning._

_My body was still mimicking all of Gray's movements, and that movement right now was running at full speed towards the barn. Why was this lack of control so... INTOXICATING? I don't know why or how, but all I know is that I need more. Even if it meant going back to the barn._

_"I" pushed open the doors of the barn._

_"PERIDOOOOOTTT!!!! I'M HOOOOOOMMMMEEEEE!" I screamed. Alright Gray, we're home now. What's the next step?_

_I felt that familiar feeling of being controlled again as Gray moved frantically around the barn. He was grabbing at things that weren't there while constantly looking over his shoulder back at me. Then I realized HE wasn't grabbing at nothing, rather I was being used to find something for him. Then "I" found it. The blackboard Peridot used when she was working on something scientific._

"LAPIS!?!"

 _Grey quickly turned his head, which caused me to turn my head. Sure enough, there stood Peridot, just like I left her, with..._ Tear streaks?

"OH MY GOD LAPIS, I THOUGHT YOU HAD DIED! I WAS S-SO WORRIED! WHERE WERE YOU? I SPENT HOURS LOOKING A-AND I THOUGHT YOU HAD LEFT BECAUSE OF LAST N-NIGHT AND I DIDN'T WANT TO LOSE Y-YOU AND... AND..."

_Peridot ran up to me and hugged me. Tight._

"...please don't do that again."

 _I wanted to hug her back. I really wanted to. But I wasn't the one in control. I was..._ a passenger.

Oh god.

I don't wanna do this anymore.

Okay, fun's over. I wanna wake up from this awful nightmare and be all better. I want my wings back. I want my emotions back. I want my life back. I want to hug Peridot now.

But I can't.

I didn't.

Instead, "I" shoved out her of my way and grabbed the blackboard and chalk. My hand seemed to fly across it as letters formed a sentence that I had no idea what it would say. Now the tears in my eyes made sense.

I was scared to death.

"L-Lapis? W...What are you doing?"

_HelLO PErIdoT_

The letters finally appeared on the board. God, had I always had shitty handwriting?

Wait.

That's not my handwriting.

That's Grey's handwriting.

"Uh... h-hello Lapis?" Peridot stuttered.

"Peridot..."

_ YOu'RE Not spEAKIng TO laPis RighT NOw. _

"Wha..."

_ My NAme IS Grey. I'M thE Person Lapis has been speaking to for the past couple of days. I'm a scientist. _

Grey slowly started getting better at writing. With my hands. Grey was getting used to controlling me.

_Good._

"NO! STOP! I... WON'T L-LET YOU BACK IN! I'M DONE WITH LETTING YOU HURT ME!"

"LAPIS, STOP YOU'RE SCARING ME!"

_ Mrs. Peridot please calm down. We need your help, both of us. I... I think whatever is affecting Lapis is affecting me. _

"Wait... What?"

We both stood there dumbfounded. Well, Peridot stood there dumbfounded. I was still writing.

_ Over the past few days, I've noticed details that lead to the conclusion that both our conditions are related. _

When the hell did Grey get so... scientific? Wait... how did he remember he was a scientist?

"Lapis, what the hell is going on? You're... You're really scaring me..."

"Peri... I can't control it. I don't have any control over my body. Please... Help me..."

"Wha... Lapis..."

_ Mrs. Peridot, please try not to panic. If you pay attention, we can both figure this out. The sooner we figure this out, the faster you can get your roommate back to pristine health. _

"I... You're telling the truth, aren't you Lapis? This is really... someone else, isn't it?"

"Peridot please, I wouldn't lie to you. I have no control over my body right now. Whatever Grey is telling you, trust him. He wants to figure this out too."

"O... Okay. So, Mr... Grey, why do you think my roommate's condition and your condition are similar in any way?"

_ Okay... For one, Lapis seems to be the only person who can see me. Two, I appeared out of the void shortly after she woke up the nights ago with the weird... thing in her back. Three, she's currently mirroring my every move. We don't know what happened but... Whatever it is, we share a connection. _

"I... See. Is there any way you can... give Lazuli control again?" 

_ I... can try. Give me a second. _

Grey then dropped his hands to his side and clentched his fists tight, which caused me to do the same. He seemed to be consentrating on something. 

Then, a jolt of energy surged through my body.

I looked down at my self, and opened and closed my hands.  _ **I**  _opened and closed my hands.

I was back in control.

I immediately turned around and hugged Peridot. Tears were streaming down my face.

"OH MY GOD PERIDOT I'M SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WORRY I JUST WENT OUT TO CLEAR MY HEAD BUT THEN WE WENT TO A PARTY AND THIS GUY TRIED TO HIT ON ME AND I PUNCHED HIM OR RATHER GRAY PUNCHED HIM AND I'M SO SO SO SO SO SORRY I WON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN I PROMISE..."

"I-It's okay, Lapis. You're here now. I'll protect you."

**Ahem.**

I turned around to face Grey.

**Look, we need to begin work on figuring out what you're afflicted with and how we're connected because of it. But... I understand you're tired. So, we can figure this out tomorrow. Get some rest. Tell Peridot that I... I would like her to write up a report on your illness so I can see if there is any key factors that may prove we are connected in some way. If it's no trouble to her.**

"O-Okay." I stuttered. I was still hugging Peridot, clutching to her as if she were keeping me from falling deeper into whatever nightmare I was living.

I turned back to face her.

"G-Grey says you s-should try and *sniff* write a report on me. S-So he can get a b-better understanding about what's h-happening to us..."

I felt really tired. I started falling asleep on top of Peridot's head.

"Lapis?"

"Peri... I feel sleepy..."

I started to slip off the top of her head and almost fell backwards, when Peridot caught me.

"WOAH! Easy, Lapis! Come on, lets get you to bed, that can all wait for tomorrow."

"O... Okay"

Peridot helped me slowly but surely make my way to the little hammock that was in the corner of the barn. I slowly climbed into it and laid down. Peri grabbed a nearby blanket and draped it over me.

"Goodnight Lapis. I'm really glad you're okay. If you need anything, I'll be upstairs."

She turned around to leave, but I grabbed her wrist to stop her.

"Wait!" I shouted

Peri spun around to face me.

"I... I'm really s-scared. I don't want to be alone t-tonight. Can you... Can you stay here and sleep with m-me? Just for tonight..."

Peridot's eyes widened and her face turned a dark green. She was blushing really hard.

"W-Well I... Uh, I g-guess... I don't... W-Wha..." She struggled to find words to respond to what I had just said.

"Please..." I begged.

Peridot slowly made her way to the hammock and climbed in with me.

"O-Okay. If you're r-really that s-scared... then okay..."

"Thank you."

I pulled Peridot closer to me and snuggled her. She made me feel... safer. Like everything I was dealing didn't matter. That she would protect me from it all.

It would've been romantic if not for the situation.

"Peridot..." I slurred, feeling sleep slowly take over my senses. "Did you mean it?"

"M-Mean what?"

"That night... when I tried to... hurt you... did you mean... it when you said... you'd always take care of me?" I could barely form a sentence with how tired I was. I slowly closed my eyes. I honestly didn't think she would answer me.

But she did.

"Of course I meant it."

 


	12. Can't sleep

_**Lapis POV** _

I woke up the next morning feeling more refreshed and at ease. I looked over to see Peridot had gotten out of the hammock and was sitting on the floor writing something. I got up and did a quick stretch. Peridot must have noticed I was awake, because she spun around to face me.

"Good morning Lapis! Are you feeling any better?" She asked

I finished my stretch, walked over and sat beside her.

"Yeah, a little bit. I'm still a little... tense over last night, but other than that everything's pretty okay." I replied.

"That's good to hear. Sorry if I woke you up. I wanted to get a head start on writing that report that your "friend" wanted."

"It's okay."

Peridot promptly went back to writing the report. I just sat watching her. She had her tongue sticking out and her brow was furrowed in concentration. She looked adorable so hard at work.

I need to talk with her about everything that's been happening recently. She's been taking such good care of me. Watching over me when I was unconscious. Sticking with me even when I tried to kill her.

Staying with me last night when I was too scared to be alone.

My cheeks started to heat up when I thought about that last one. She really did care about me. It was a little thought that meant a lot to me. I hadn't really had someone that really cared about me. Well, I had Steven. He was the one who freed me from that mirror I was trapped in. But, he was a human. To know that another GEM cared about me like Steven cared enough to free me was a... comforting thought.

"H-Hey Peri?" I stuttered.

"Yeah, Lapis?"

"I just wanted to say... thank you."

Peridot stopped writing and looked up at me.

"For what?"

"For sticking around for me. I've put you through so many bad things over these past couple days, and you didn't have to do the things that you did. But you did them. And t-that means a lot to me. I wish I had some way to pay you back but-"

I was cut off by Peridot putting a finger over my lips, quieting me. Her face was that of a gentle person: understanding eyes and a small, caring smile.

"Lapis, I'm not doing this out of any monetary incentive or a need to be rewarded. I'm doing this because I care. It... It makes me feel horrible to see you in such a state. I WANT you to get better. So, don't worry about paying me back. I promised to take care of you." She said with a caring voice.

My face was really heating up now. Did she really care that much about me? What did I ever do to deserve such a good barnmate? 

When this was all over, I REALLY needed to pay her back somehow.

"I... I don't know what to say. Thank you, Peri." I replied.

"No problem, Lapis!" She said, then promptly returned to her work.

I looked over her shoulder to see what she was writing. Peridot must have noticed this, because she stopped writing and moved her head so I could see better.

_...The believed point of infection was at the Prime Kindergarten at an old abandoned laboratory. The laboratory did not seem to be gem-made, so it was most likely human, although one wonders why a human would want to station themselves in the Prime Kindergarten. While I did not witness the moment when the infection occured, I believe that Lapis can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_ _can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_ _can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_ _can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_ _can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_ _can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_ _can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep..._

I screamed and shot up from where I was sitting.

"L-Lapis?!? What's wrong?!?" Peridot said, looking scared.

"W-Why did you write that?!?" 

"Write what?"

The room feels like it's spinning.

"T-That stuff about s-sleep?!?"

"Lapis, I didn't write anything about sleep yet... I think it's just another hallucination... Just try and calm down..." Peridot said with a soothing tone.

"O-Okay..."

Calm down... Breath...

Think about pleasant things...

Like sleep...

Can't... sleep...

_Can't sleep._

_Can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_ _Can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_   _Can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_ _Can't sleep won't sleep can't sleep won't sleep_

_"AUGH, SHUT UP! I... I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MYSELF THINK!"_

"L-Lapis?"

...

"Lapis... Are you okay?"

" _C-Can't..._ "

"Huh?"

_"CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!_ _CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!_ _CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!_ _CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!_ _CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!_ _CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!_ _CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!_ _CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!"_

"L-LAPIS, STOP YOUR SCARING ME!"

**Lapis?**

_CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP_ _CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP_

**Lapis, what's going on? Why are you yelling!**

_"CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP! CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP! CAN'T SLEEP WON'T SLEEP!"_

**Shit, I think this is a full blown psychotic breakdown! Lapis, if you can hear me, try to stay calm and focus on your surroundings!**

** _Gray POV_ **

**Lapis wouldn't stop screaming. Something about the inability to sleep. I only just "woke up" and already shit is hitting the fan. Her condition is only getting worse. We don't have time to work on my pressing issue, Lapis needs help. Fast.**

**But how do I get that message to Peridot when the person I use to communicate is barely sane and is screaming at the top of her lungs?**

**I could try and take control like last night, but that would most likely only worsen her condition.**

_"_ _SWEET CAROLINE! BA BA BA! GOOD TIMES NEVER FELT SO GOOD!"_

**I sun around to face Lapis again. Why was she singing 'Sweet Caroline?' That one's not even that good. I mean it's good but it's no 'Just the Two of Us' if you know what I mean.**

**Wait... how do I know those songs.**

_"LOG DATE AUGUST 18! LOG DATE DECEMBER 15!"_

"L-Lapis, what are you t-talking about?!?"

**Wait a minute... those dates. They sound familiar. Why do they sound familiar?**

**Shit...**

**I don't have a choice. I have to take control. Too many questions are arising and Lapis is getting worse.**

**"Lapis, if you can understand me at all, I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. It's for your own good."**

**I clenched my fists and concentrated hard on trying to control. I only needed it for a few minutes.** **Suddenly, a surge of energy flowed through me, and Lapis sort of 'froze up.' But she didn't stop screaming.**

**"I" walked towards a group of papers that was on the floor that I could only asume was the report I asked Peridot to write and grabbed a blank sheet of paper and the pencil she was using.**

"W-WAIT, LAPIS! DON'T TOUCH THOSE! J-JUST CALM DOWN!"  **Yelled Peridot.**

**I ignored her and started to write.**

_ Peridot, this is Gray. I think Lapis' condition is reaching its peak. If you have a lead on where the infection originated, or where to find a cure, I need you to follow it. I'll stay behind and try to calm Lapis down and keep her from hurting herself. I would do this myself but that would require Lapis to be somewhat sane. _

**"I" handed Peridot the letter and gave back control to Lapis. That's when all hell broke loose.**

**She stopped screaming, but then backed up against a wall.**

**And proceeded to vomit.**

"Wha... what do you me... LAPIS?!?"

**Peridot had just finished reading what I wrote when lapis emptied her stomach. The vomit was gray and amorphous, and seemed to be moving.**

**It wasn't vomit.**

"LAPIS! OH MY GOD! H-HERE, JUST LAY DOWN!"  **Shouted Peridot.**

 _"Per... Peri..."_   

**Lapis tried to reach out and grab Peridot, but jerked back and slid down the wall.**

_"It... It hurts... Please... Make it stop..."_

"I... I, uh..."  **Peridot stuttered, trying to find a way to help.**

**"Lapis, calm down. Peridot is going to go out and find a cure. You're going to be okay."**

_"Find... a cure?"_

**Lapis had tears streaking down her face. She looked like she was in extreme pain. She turned to face Peridot.**

_"P-Peri... please... hurry..."_

**Then she fainted and collapsed.**

"LAPIS! OH GOD WHAT DO I DO?!?"  **Screamed Peridot as she tried to help Lapis.**

**Peridot looked back and forth from Lapis and the paper I handed her. She looked like she was trying to make a decision.**

**Then she raced to the other side of the barn. She dug out of the piles of junk a small backpack, a flashlight, and a strange device that fit around her wrist. She then raced back to Lapis and put a hand to her forehead.**

"L-Lapis, I'm going to try and find a cure. Please stay here and try to keep safe. I'm s-so sorry I have to leave you, but we don't have a choice. If... If I don't come back, or if I don't succeed, I just w-wanted to do something before I go."

**She leaned forward and placed a small kiss on Lapis' lips.**

**Damn. Didn't see that one coming.**

"I love you Lapis. I will always care for you. No matter what. When this is over, I promise we'll do something to make up for all these horrible events."

**She then moved Lapis into a hammock and covered her with a blanket. She turned around and shouted out into the barn.**

"Mr. Gray, I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're even real, but please take care of her. I'll be back as soon as I can."

**She then opened the door to the barn and ran out towards the warp pad. I walked over to Lapis and sat down near her.**

**"Don't worry Lapis. Peridot will find a cure. You're going to be okay."**


	13. The Prime Kindergarten

** _Peridot POV_ **

To say that I have never been more frightened in my life as much as this point in time, that I am terrified beyond all repair, is an understatement. And a big one at that. 

I ran as fast as my gravity connectors could carry me, which wasn't as fast as I wanted. Curse my new compact and height restricted form. 

I felt myself get dizzy, the stress of the situation must be getting to my head. I needed to calm myself down.

Let's go over the situation at hand.

Lapis Lazuli, a gem who I've fallen in love with and care about, is sick.

Okay, understood.

Lapis is in extreme pain and the only place that could have a cure is the Prime Kindergarten, which I am going to right now to investigate.

Okay, definitely understood. Primary objective, in fact.

_Lapis could die._

No. Nope. Not understood. Whatever the extreme opposite of understood is, that is the very definition of that statement. I refuse to believe that there is a possibility that Lapis Lazuli will die.

I raced towards the warp pad and hopped on.

I'm going to save you Lapis. Or I'll die trying.

\--WARP--

I stepped out into the cold baren place that was the Prime Kindergarten. The air around this place always felt heavy and metallic, but now it felt like it was full of dread. It was also quite dark at this point, which was strange considering the fact that I had only awakened a couple of hours ago.

"Stupid planet and it's stupid light cycles" I grumbled.

I turned on the light producer I had grabbed from the barn ("flashlight", I think Steven had called it) and continued deeper into the ominous canyon. I would have used the light my gem can produce, but that requires concentration and energy. And I had a feeling that I would be needing those very soon.

As I ventured deeper and deeper, the more I noticed that the Prime Kindergarten seemed more... chaotic than I remembered. Like the holes that filled the canyons were spreading and becoming more erratic.

Wait...

I shined my light producer on one of the holes that seemed irregular to find that it wasn't one of the holes produced by Homeworld colonization. The hole was bigger, and more sporadic, and there were cracks coming out of the hole.

No, this hole was produced by something that wasn't a gem.

I got closer to the peculiar hole and inspected it further. The inside of the hole definitely resembled any other normal hole produced by Homeworld injectors. It appears that whatever created this hole did their research, chemically speaking.

But who in their right mind would want to imitate Homeworld that wasn't a gem?

I shined my light inside the hole and saw a small yellow paper attached to the wall of the hole. It appeared to have something written on it. I grabbed it off the wall and brought it closer to my face to read it.

_Test 225: Gem Recreation Experiment_

At the bottom of the note was something scratched out and a single scribbled word:

_UNSUCCESSFUL_

So someone WAS trying to revive the Prime Kindergarten! And judging by the yellow note, it was a human!

"Who in their right mind would want to do something like that?" I whispered to myself.

Ok, I'll look into this another time. But right now, I need to find that lab.

I kept walking down the the darkened cavern.  The walls kept twisting and rising and falling, almost in an attempt to keep anyone from going any deeper into it. Maybe that's why the Prime Kindergarten looked like it did. To scare others away.

To keep curious clods like me out.

I finally reached the hole where Lapis had fallen down into the lab. I felt guilty just by looking at it. I wished I had been a better friend. If I hadn't acted like such a clod, if I had only gone down in the hole with her... Maybe she would be okay. Maybe it would've been me who got that stupid infection. 

_It should have been me._

I peered into the hole and shined my light down it. The lab appeared to built underground by another human.

It was a long way down that hole.

"Hmm... This could prove to be an issue. Thankfully, my satchel I brought is fully equipped with tools and objects I can use to safely make my way into the-"

_***CRACK*** _

The floor gave way and I fell straight into the lab.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

**_*thump*_ **

"Ugh...*

I slowly got up and brushed myself off. I looked around for my satchel and light producer, hoping that they had also made their way down into the lab with me. I found them (thankfully) and grabbed them, and took in my surroundings.

I was standing in the place Lapis was first infected. The walls were a dirty shade of white, and there were claw marks and chunks of the walls missing. On our first inspection, the Crystal Gems and I assume the corrupted gem we threw in here caused this damage. There was also old papers and apparently "outdated" machinery strewn about. 

90% of all technology on this planet is "outdated."

We had already gone through these papers and machines when we first went done here to retrieve Lapis, so I decided to move on to any adjoining rooms.

I walked towards the door leading out of the room. I'll be honest, it was definitely advanced for a human. I looked for any way to open it when I noticed a small panel near it.  I pulled out a long metal rod from my satchel. Steven explained that this rod helped make the removal of objects easier. A "crowbar", as he called it.

I pried off the panel and looked at the mess of wires that hid behind it. It was a relatively primitive system, so within a couple of seconds, I wired the doors open. The room I stepped into was completely different than the one I was just in

This room was more well-kept, and the machinery in here was definitely more advanced than the previous room. There was a large table with a strange box situated on it. It must have been a "computer." There was also other machines nearby, neatly organized papers, and a board containing blueprints and charts.

But there was 2 glaring details that really stuck out.

The first was a photograph hanging near the board which contained 3 humans: A tall one, a slightly smaller one, and another one the size of Steven.

And the second was a human skeleton, seated in a chair in front of the computer.

"Oh. My. Stars." My voice was low and wavering.

Something killed this human.

Something left this human here.

_That something could still be nearby._

I slowly crept inside the lab, being extra careful on where I stepped and where exactly I shined my light. It was still incredibly dark. I made my way towards the skeleton and looked at it. It was cracked and damage, but the bones themselves were glistening white, as if all the flesh had just... fallen off.

"What happened to you..."

I noticied that the skeleton's hand was placed on a pad full of lettered buttons underneath the computer. A "keyboard." Whenever this human died, it must have been working on something on the computer

Something that could relate to Lapis' condition.

But the computer was out of power, as was the rest of the laboratory. If I could just restore power to the computer, I might have a lead on a cure for Lapis.

Thankfully, I brought something that was meant for these situations. A while back, we had an encounter with a group of Homeworld gems. I managed to salvage an electric-based destablizer from the battle, and re-purposed it to deliver an extreme amount of electric charge. 

Enough charge to, say... power up an archaic piece of human technology?

I dug the destablizer out of my satchel and turned it on. I pointed it towards one of the wires and an arc of electricity shot towards. After a few seconds the arc disappeared, and the computer turned on.

**_ SECTORSET INC. _ **

**_ COPYRIGHT _ **

**_ 1999 _ **

"Finally, making actual progress..."

**_ PLEASE INSERT PASSWORD _ **

**_ ________________ _ **

Crap. A password, I should have suspected.

I looked around in the nearby area for anything that would give away the identity of said password, when I noticed a small piece of paper in the skeleton's coat pocket. I pulled it out and unfolded it.

_password: Clara &John_

That's strange, the handwriting looks familiar...

Doesn't matter now. What matters is getting that cure.

I typed in the password and waited for the computer to load. After about 5 minutes, the screen finally changed and displayed something new.

_**WELCOME, DANIEL ORDAIN** _

_**-LOG DATE AUGUST 18** _

_**-LOG DATE AUGUST 24** _

_**-LOG DATE OCTOBER 31** _

_**-LOG DATE DECEMBER 15** _

_**-**_ ** _CORRUPTED_**    _ **  
**_

_**-LOG DATE DECEMBER 25** _

_**-LOG DATE JANUARY 13** _

_**-CORRUPTED** _

_**-LOG DATE MARCH 1** _

The screen displayed a significant amount of logs. One of these had to have a lead on a cure. All I had to do was search through each of them until I found my lead.

I pressed the key labeled "enter" (something Steven taught me) and started the first clip.

**"Daniel Ordain, Log date August 18, and I've had enough of gem creatures for one lifetime."**


	14. Logs

** _FILE: LOG DATE AUGUST 18_ **

**Daniel Ordain, log date August 18th, and I have had enough of gem creatures for one lifetimes. I work day in and day out, and for what? All the gem recreation experiments have failed. I have no idea why those _Crystal Gem_ fellas asked me to try and recreate these experiments. I may be the top of my field, but this is completely out of my understanding. As far as I'm concerned, these things destroyed the ecosystem surrounding the area. They should stay deactivated.**

**However, the technology I've discovered in my vain attempt to recreate the experiments is astounding! I swear, these creations have put me decades, millennia perhaps, ahead of even the most top scientists! Of course, the Crystal Gems have asked me to keep these technologies a secret, but I've been developing my own improvements to these. I have some of the prototypes stashed under the lab for safe keeping. I plan on unveiling them to the Crystal Gems when the time is right.**

**Anyways... Me and Clara have been going through problems again. We've been to therapy and we've talked about stuff, but... *sigh* I don't know at this point. For all I know, the only reason we're still together is because of John.**

**I need to take a break. Maybe kick back, pop in "Hey Baby", and just sleep.**

**Daniel Ordain, log date August 18th. End log.**

 

** _FILE: LOG DATE AUGUST 24_ **

**Daniel Ordain, log date August 24th. I've been making a lot of progress on the prototypes and very little progress on the gem recreation project. I'm seriously contemplating just ending the project and focusing more on the prototypes. Those things at least have more promise than the Kindergarten.**

**Some of the better prototypes have already been tested, and passed all expectations. The Gravity Suppressor has actually passed all it's tests with** _**flying**  _ **colors, and the Holographic Form Destablizer, or "The Holo-knife", has been shown to be able to affect the form of all gem creatures and has been proven to be able to permanently remove appendages, visible organs like eyes and ears, and is extremely damaging to even the toughest gem. It's probably going to be the most useful and necessary tools the Crystal Gems will have access to when I'm done with it.**

**And then there's the most important discovery:** _ **Corruption.**  _ **As it turns out, all those gem creatures that the Crystal Gems have been providing used to be just as coherent and intelligent as any other person. However, they are being afflicted by a mysterious virus caused by other, more powerful gems, who's identities the Crystal Gems have yet to reveal. The virus seems to cause an increase in strength and vitality as I've observed. The Crystal Gems want me to try and create a cure for the virus, or at the very least a vaccine/suppressant. I am of course, working very hard to revert these people back to their original forms. But part of me wonders if I could modify the virus to only return the strength and vitality, and no remove the intelligence or morality of the creature. This would prove invaluable to the Crystal Gems. However, these thoughts will only stay that: thoughts. The Crystal Gems only want a cure, and they trust me to do just that. I have no intention of betraying their trust.**    **  
**

**In other news, John moved up to high school, graduating top of his class! I'm so proud of him. He's just as smart as me and Clara. Speaking of Clara, we finally got some progress in our relationship, and honestly, things are looking up!**

**Also, a medical update. Recently, I've been feeling tired and it's becoming harder to concentrate on my work. It feels like my bones are aching and my head is in a state of constant pain. I think I'm coming done with a cold.**

**So you know what that means: plenty of rest, "Just the Two of Us" on repeat, and spaghetti instead of cheap take-out.  Honestly, I would eat spaghetti every day if I could both afford to buy the ingredients and find time to cook it.**

**Daniel Ordain, log date August 24th, end log.**

 

** _FILE: LOG DATE OCTOBER 31_ **

***silence***

**Daniel Ordain, log date October 31st. This is officially the worst birthday in recorded human history.**

**I finally showed the Crystal Gems the prototypes I've been working on... And they chastised me for it! They said I had betrayed their trust! That I had taken something dangerous already, and turned it into a far greater danger! What they didn't realize is that I had made those inventions for them! I had nothing to gain in creating those tools and weapons for them, I wasn't gonna use them in my day to day life! But I made them anyways because I wanted to help! They didn't see it as that, of course... It doesn't matter. They still want me working on their cure.**

***silence***

**...John yelled at me today when I came to see him and Clara. Said I was the worst father on the face of the planet. Said that I was never around and that I might as well disappear for good instead of showing up once every 2 months. I tried to talk to him, but he just stormed off to his room. Clara insisted that it would be better if I had left. I wish I could be there for him, spend more time with my actual family. But instead, I have to be stuck in my lab for days on end, working on stupid cures and pointless machines for a bunch of living rock aliens.**

**And, worst off all... I took a trip to the doctor's office a couple of weeks back. The pain and tiredness just got worse, so I wanted to see what's wrong with me. The results finally came back: I have an advance form of cancer, and it's seemingly incurable. I was shocked, but confused. What on Earth would have given me cancer? I don't smoke, no one in my family has had cancer, and I handle all my carcinogens with care in the lab.**

**Then I asked the Crystal Gems.**

**APPARENTLY, all that gem tech leaks a very potent form of radiations that affects a small percentage of humans. Completely undetectable and doesn't affect anyone who's actually a gem, has gem DNA, or doesn't carry the trigger genome. And they just... FORGOT to tell me that part, RIGHT?!? THEY JUST THOUGHT I WAS ONE OF THE _SAFE ONES_?!? THAT I  _WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW IT'S THERE_?!? WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY KEEP SOMETHING LIKE THAT FROM ME?!? I ASKED THEM THAT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAID?!? THEY SAID " EVEN IF YOU HAD KNOWN, YOU COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANYTHING TO STOP IT!" ACTUALLY, I COULD HAVE! I COULD HAVE AVOIDED THOSE TECHNOLOGIES ENTIRELY! THANKS TO YOU FUCKING TINY MISTAKE,  _MY FUCKING LIFE IS OVER!!!_**

***sounds of papers and pencils being thrown can be heard.***

**Anyways, I bought a bottle of Jack Daniel's and a cupcake. I plan to drink the entire thing and sing happy birthday to myself, since neither my wife, nor my child, nor my partners want anything to do with me today.**

**On my goddamn birthday.**

**Daniel Ordain, Log date October 31st. Fuck you.**

 

** _FILE: LOG DATE DECEMBER 15_ **

**Daniel Ordain, log date December 15th.**

**It's been a year since my diagnosis of terminal cancer. I've become permanently bed ridden at this point, using machinery and computers to continue my research. All I can do at this point is research. I tried looking for some sort of hope for a cure, but nothing has seemed to work. I even asked the Crystal Gems for help, but they couldn't heal me. I've looked into every possible avenue: science, pseudoscience, the occult, but nothing turned up. I've given up hope on a normal cure.**

**Clara and John have stopped calling and visiting. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'd rather endure 10 times the amount of pain I endure now than force John to watch his father wither away and die.**

**This... This is it, isn't it? I... I'm going to die... There's no cure. Surgery, Chemo, Pills... nothing's going to save me.**

**If only I had a way to turn back time. Avoid all of this. Avoid pissing off the Crystal Gems, avoid getting in this line of work, even... spend more time with my family. I'd give up all this stupid gem technology and all my research in a heartbeat if I could have seen John get his diploma, or see my next anniversary with Clara.**

**I... I don't wanna die. I'm only 31. I... still have so much to do in my life... I wanted to go to Paris...**

**I would give anything for a cure. Hell, I'd trade cancer for any other virus, known or unknown just for a few more years of life.**

***violent coughing can be heard***

**Virus... Actually... that gives me... an idea. I need to rest. I will... update when I... wake up.**

**Daniel Ordain... Log date December... 15th. End log.**

 

** _CORRUPTED DATA._ **

** _FULL RESTORATION... FAILED._ **

** _PARTIAL RESTORATION... SUCCESS._ **

** _RESTORED DATA:_ **

_**...Subject is one Caucasian male, age 31. Subject is afflicted with an unknown cancer causing extreme pain and degradation of the body.** _

_**I will now be... shit, that hurt... injecting M23 into the subject in hopes of invigorating and upgrading the immune system into targeting the cancerous growth...** _

 

_** FILE: LOG DATE DECEMBER 25 ** _

**Daniel Ordain, log date December 25th. Do you know what the best gift on the face of the planet is? In my personal opinion, it's the gift of life. Life is an amazing thing, a wonderful experience to be enjoyed.**

**And I'm going to fucking enjoy life to it's fullest from now on.**

**M23, or "Grey goo" as I'd like to call it, worked perfectly. I knew that if I ironed out all the kinks, Corruption could be an extremely useful cure for almost any disease. Of course, I can't let the Crystal Gems know I used the Corruption virus without their consent, but I couldn't care less at this point. They're the ones who go me into that mess, I just got myself out.**

**Anyways, I'm experiencing a full cleansing of my body. I check in with my doctor, who was extremely surprised I survived for more than a year, and apparently I've made a "miraculous full recovery!" He said he's never seen anything life it before! Which may explain why I had to sit through 3 hours of medical studies. I just told him that my "faith" cured me, which was partially true. My faith AND my knowledge cured me. I'm also feeling invigorated with a newfound strength, speed, and I even feel like my skin seemed smoother and clearer. This is a wonder drug! Of course, I would never release it to the public. For one, the Crystal Gems are still my friends, and I've already betrayed enough of their trust, and two, I doubt half of this planet really deserves a cure like this.**

**_All they do is waste their lives on meaningless things. I was one of those people. Now, I'm not._ **

***ahem* So... this is probably my last log. I'm quitting. I'm going home to celebrate Christmas with my friends and family, and I even bought plane tickets to Europe for me and Clara. To make up for lost time. I'm not wasting anymore of my life on this... pointless research.**

**Anyways, I got to go. The family dinner is in an hour, and I don't want to miss it.**

**Daniel Ordain, log date December 25th. End log.**

 

** _FILE: LOG DATE JANUARY 13_ **

**D-Daniel Ordain, log date January 13.**

**Something went horribly wrong.**

**I-It all started in Paris. Clara and I were walking towards a cafe when suddenly, m-my head got this extreme pain. I didn't know what was going on, but it was worse than when I had cancer. We quickly raced back to the hotel we we're staying at, and called a doctor to come check up on me. Apparently, they f-found extreme discoloration of my skin on my back, as if it was gray. He also had my blood tested, and found there was a foreign contaminant that seemed as if it were attacking my cells and... r-replacing them.**

**Clara and I flew back to Beach City immediately afterwards. I raced to my lab and analyzed my blood samples. And I found something t-terrifying. The... The foreign contaminant is M23. But it's not just attacking my blood cells. It's changing them. I didn't know what it was changing them into at first, but then I realized what: each of my blood cells are turning into s-single celled organisms. They're all nerve cells, blood cells, muscle cells at the same time... all colored gray.**

**That was a few days ago. Today is worse. My skin is slowly flaking off and turning a dark shad of gray. I'm constantly sick, throwing up this gray, viscous liquid that seems to squirm and move ever so slightly. I've completely q-quarantined myself to my lab and... I think I'm starting to go insane. I'm hearing a voice that sounds somewhat like my own, and I'll black out in the middle of my research and wake up doing something completely different. I don't eat anymore, and on the very rare occasion that I do fall asleep, I get vivid nightmares of horrible things. I'm afraid to even close my eyes.**

**I can't sleep. I won't sleep.**

**Clara told the Crystal Gems what had happened. They were angry, sure, but they were more concerned about whether I was going to survive. I doubt it. The M23 genome was based on the Corruption virus, and if there wasn't a cure for that, I doubt there's a cure for this. The Crystal Gems bring me supplies and machinery I might need, but I told them not to get near. I don't know if I'm contagious.**

**I feel weak, like my body isn't really "together". I feel like I'm barely clinging to myself, and that at any point in time, a breeze could come and knock me over into pieces. I think I'm-**

***sounds of flesh severing can be heard, followed by something small hitting the floor***

**Oh... oh my god. Oh my gOD MY FUCKING FINGER JUST FELL OFF!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!? I... OH GOD MY FINGER IS MELTING!**

***the log abruptly ends there***

 

** _CORRUPTED DATA._ **

** _FULL RESTORATION... FAILED._ **

** _PARTIAL RESTORATION... SUCCESS._ **

** _RESTORED DATA:_ **

**_...Now injecting M24-A into a small chicken. Okay, I think it's starting to take hold._ **

**_*sounds of violent clucking and clanging can be heard, followed by silence*_ **

**_Okay, I think M24-A has taken hold. Christ, this is taking "talking to yourself" to a whole new level._ **

**_Daniel... Gray... can you hear me?..._ **

 

**_ FILE: LOG DATE MARCH 1 _ **

**Daniel Ordain, final log date, March 1st.**

**If you're hearing this, most likely you've gown down into this old laboratory in hopes of finding a cure to some sort of mysterious disease or affliction. Some sort of gray goo infecting you or someone else. If that's the case, I have some unfortunate news:**

**I'm sorry to say, there's no cure.**

**I've been doing countless testing on myself and M24-A, and I've found many terrifying results. If you're looking for a way to cure yourself or a friend, listen closely. This may save millions of lives.**

**I am M24. If you've been listening to the other logs, you know I've been getting progressively sicker. So sick to the point that my flesh is literally falling off my bones and into this gray goop. This goop is referred to as M24-A. M24-A has many different properties, but the major one is the complete rewire of psychological brainwaves and the overpowering of neural connections. Essentially, mind manipulation and control.**

**M24-A seems to contain an organism that has the same personality and intelligence as me, but none of the memories. M24-A portrays itself as a grey eye on the brain of the organism. However, M24-A seems to be drawn towards gem creatures, but I'd be insane to let it infect a gem. I do, however, have a theory that the eye might manifest itself on the gem of the infected gem creature, but I have yet to see it in action.**

**M24-A will cause violent tendencies, hallucinations, possible changes in brainwave activity, and if it reaches complete takeover of ALL motor func-**

***sounds of flesh severing can be heard, followed by something large hitting the floor***

**S-Shit... There goes my arm... gotta hurry this up.**

**If you have only just found and have contained M24-A, DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LET IT TOUCH YOU. This is how M24-A infects people.**

**If... If you or someone else have been infected, I'm sorry to say... There's no hope. M24-A can't even be considered Corruption at this point, so even if you have a cure for that, it won't work. Copious amounts of anti-depressants can be used to quell the symptoms, but that's just about it. Normally, you need a prescription for these kinds of meds, but I have some stashed away in a floor panel below this desk.**

**The... The only way to remove the infection is to remove the eye from the creature, which results in immediate death...**

**I wish there was another way, bu-**

***more sounds of falling flesh are heard***

**Shit... There goes my eye...**

**I... I guess I should start my will now, right?**

**To the Crystal Gems... you were some of my closest friends. You helped me with my research and stuck with my wild theories while other just laughed at me. I'm sorry that I betrayed so much of your trust. I know you may never forgive me, but just think of me in my better days, not how I am now. I leave you guys all my research, my prototypes, and my lab. I hope you can continue and build off of what I started.**

**To Clara... I've always loved you. I have always thought you were beautiful since the moment I saw you. I'm sorry I wasn't around for you or our son. I was too caught up in my work. I hope you don't remember me as a cancer ridden, gray husk, but rather the man who took you to Europe and spent time caring about you. I leave you my childhood home my parents left for me in their will, all my funding for my research, and all my money and assets. I wish I could give something more, but I have nothing left to give.**

**To John... You are my greatest creation. I have never felt more proud and happy in my life than watching you grow up into the smart, good-looking gentleman I see you as today. I'm so sorry that I didn't put away more time for you. I wish I had, every second of my life I wished I had. I have nothing I can give you except this: I love you with all my heart. I know you will do great things in your life.**

**...Oh god... it hurts...**

**I... I'm so sorry everyone...**

**Clara... John... I... love...**

***one large splitting of flesh can be heard, followed by a large thump, and silence for the rest of the log***

 


	15. Facing Facts

_**Peridot POV** _

I... I can't believe it.

I stood in front of the computer after finishing the final log, completely immobile. I couldn't find the will to move.

I didn't care about this human. I didn't care about the fact that the Crystal Gems had a past with this human. I didn't even care about the fact that the Crystal Gems tried to recreate the Kindergarten. I could confront all those facts later.

All that mattered right now was that last log.

_...The only way to remove the infection is to remove the eye from the creature, which results in immediate death..._

_...Anti-depressants can help quell the symptoms, but that's just about it..._

_ There is no cure. _

No.

No, there was no way that's possible. N-No. There... There has to be a solution, right? Maybe... Maybe the human wasn't smart enough to make a cure. I mean, he was an organic life form. He must have left some research notes behind. This... This can't be all there is?

I looked through the piles of papers on the desk and, thank the stars, I found the research notes.

"Okay, this cloddy human may have given up hope, but I won't go down so easily." I said, looking over his notes. "All I have to do is find the obvious errors in his work, correct them, and... and..."

There were no errors in his notes.

This human had explored every possible avenue with perfect precision and accuracy. He... He didn't make any mistakes, he left no idea unexplored...

He tried everything and he still failed.

"No... No, this can't be all there is! He... He couldn't have failed after doing all this! The... Maybe he forgot to factor out... no, he did that. Well, maybe he... no, he did that too..."

My head started spinning and my chest started to get tighter.

"No... Nonononono! There has to be something else! Something he missed!"

Genetic splicing? He tried that.

Alpha particle purification? He tried that too.

He tried every possible method and theorized on every impossible one.

There really is no cure.

My eyes started filling up with tears and my hands started to shake.

"No... I... I can't lose Lapis. Not now that I have so much to say to her, so many things I wanna do with her... She trusted me to find a cure... and I failed her..."

The tears that filled my eyes started streaming down my face.

"Wha... What do I do..."

I felled to my knees as I clutched my face, sobbing hard into my hands. The memories of everything that happened in the past between me and Lapis started flowing freely into my mind.

"I... I did so many horrible things to her... And I wanted to make things better. *sniff* I just wanted to help her... But I can't."

Lapis would never get any better, I'll never see her genuinely smile again. She'll never be able to think normally again. We'd never be able to make meep-morps without her looking over her shoulder for someone who wasn't even there. She'll never have control over her life again...

I cried for who knows how long. I was out of time, out of options... out of hope.

This... This was all their fault...

If the Crystal Gems hadn't given this human access to gem technology, he wouldn't have found the Corruption. He wouldn't have made this disease. He wouldn't have infected Lapis...

_This was all THEIR fault._

The tears of sadness slowly turned into tears of anger.

"If those stupid, simple-minded clods hadn't messed with any of this technology, hadn't confided in this human creature, Lapis wouldn't be DYING RIGHT NOW!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I jumped to my feet and kicked the skeleton out of the chair it was in, then kicked it repeatedly on the floor.

"AND YOU!!! IF YOU HADN'T GONE AND MESSED WITH TECHNOLOGY YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND, THE ONLY PERSON I CARE ABOUT WOULDN'T BE LOSING HER MIND!!!"

_*crack*_

I looked down to see that I had kicked the skull enough times to fully crack it open.

"I've lost everything. My status, My limb enhancers... My home on Homeworld. I... I can't lose her too... She's all I have left..."

Lapis...

Wait a minute...

What am I doing?

What AM I doing?!? Lapis is currently in extreme pain and I'm here moping around and not getting anything done.

A Peridot giving up hope on resolving an issue so easily? Who insists on taking their anger and frustration out via violence? That creature had no right calling itself a Peridot.

I can worry about finding a cure late, I know there's one out there,  **for certain.** I can worry about the Crystal Gems later, because they  **will** be confronted on this. 

What I need to worry about is stopping the pain Lapis is experiencing  **now.**

I stepped away from the skeleton and looked around the room. The human claimed he had some medicine hidden away here to help with the symptoms of the virus. All I have to do is find it.

After some searching around, I finally came across a box labeled "Meds", which I assume was short for medication. I opened it up and found a ton of small medical bottles and a small note to the side. I took the note and read it.

_ Daniel, _

_ I know you asked for high grade anti-depressants for your mental symptoms, but I've noticed you've been suffering from physical symptoms too. So I bought some Decipryl for the nausea/vomiting and some Teslamide Premadase for the pains and aches. The bottles labeled Pamizolam are the anti-depressants. _

_ Daniel, your wife and child miss you. They really do. Don't worry, we're gonna figure this out. _

_ Pearl. _

Hm. Seems Pearl took the time to care about someone other than Steven.  _Maybe if she put more time into thinking more than five seconds into the future, Lapis wouldn't be dying right now._

Augh, get your gem out of your thoughts, Peridot. Focus.

"So, these other medications help with vomiting and pain? I better take those, along with the anti-depressants." I said to myself.

I grabbed a few pill bottles with the corrects labels and placed them in my satchel. I made my way back to the door.

"All right, now to get these back to Lapis..."

I was about to leave when I remembered the logs and research papers. If I wanted to continue research on a cure, I would need to bring those with me. And, if I wanted to confront the Crystal Gems, I would need evidence to support my accusations.

I went back to the desk and grabbed the research notes. I then took my communication pad from my satchel (a small technological device Steven had gifted me) and connected it to the computer. I downloaded all the logs and left promptly.

I hope I never have to go back to this place. Because in all honesty, it should have  _stayed_ hidden.

\--WARP--

"Lapis?"

I raced back into the barn and slid the door open. Funny... I don't remember shutting the barn door when I left.

"Lapis, I'm back! Are you okay?"

"I'm up here..."

I heard a small calling from the upstairs portion of the barn. It sounded like Lapis, but different. Almost like her voice was fighting to stay contained. I raced upstairs to find Lapis laying down on the mattress, covered in blankets and head propped up by a few pillows.

Her skin looked pale, and her eyes looked weak and drooping. She must be tired. Was she staying awake waiting for me, or was something else keeping her up?

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Everything hurts and my hallucinations are coming back more often. But other than that, pretty okay." She said, still unmoving from her position. She gave off a small chuckle, but started to cough a little at the end.

_Great. Good to know that while I was messing around down in some crummy human lab, Lapis was back here suffering. Just perfect._

"Lapis, I'm so sorry I took so long and left you alone here. I got distracted by something in the lab and I was looking for your cure and everything just sorta came crashing down and I'm just so sor-" I rambled on and on. I probably would've kept going if Lapis didn't put a finger to my mouth, quieting me.

"Peri, it's okay. You're back now, and the reason you left was to help me. Besides, I wasn't alone here. Gray helped me get up here and get comfortable." She said, hushing me.

Gray.

_...Mind Manipulation and control... _

"Wait, I left you in the hammock when I left... why'd Gray move you to the mattress? I thought you hated the mattress. And what do you mean by 'helped you move?' I've yet to see Gray actually interact with anything yet." I asked

"I sorta... fell out of the hammock. And Gray... I don't wanna talk about it." Lapis replied, looking more depressed than before.

_Good going, Peridot. You made her even more uncomfortable. That shouldn't even be possible given her situation, yet you found a way._

We stayed in silence for a couple more moments. I could feel the awkwardness in the air.

"So... did you find a cure?" Lapis said weakly, breaking the tension.

My eyes went wide and I made a small little squeak.

What do I tell her? I know for a fact that there could still be a cure out there, but... I doubt it'll come anytime soon, and the research notes did not help my case that a cure was possible. Also, it looks like any more letdown and disappointment will completely break Lapis. If I lie, she'll want to see the cure or the research notes, which both prove I'm lying. If I tell her the truth, I doubt she'll ever feel happy again.

"Peri? Are you okay?" Lapis spoke up again.

"Lapis... I... I have something to tell you." I spoke. "I... I didn't find a cure."

Lapis' eyes went wide and her mouth opens up in a gasp.

"B-But don't worry! While I d-didn't find a cure, I did find enough r-research notes and schematics to create a cure, see?" I tried to reassure, clumsily pulling out the papers from my satchel.

So clumsily that the papers flew out of the satchel and landed all over the floor.

"Augh, stupid clod." I mumbled to myself, scrambling to pick up the papers.

As I finally picked up the last few stray notes, I turned back around to face Lapis. Only to find that she was reading one of the sheets.

The one sheet that reaffirmed that near impossibility of a cure.

"Peridot..." She said, her eyes as wide as ever.

"L-Lapis, Wait I can explain! Those notes don't m-mean anything, they're just s-something to base research on!" 

Lapis kept looking next to her, as if someone was telling her what the paper really meant.

"Peridot... Gray says that this means there's zero chance for a cure... Is that true?" she said with a worried tone.

"W-Well, in a way... yes. The paper does say that there is no chance for a cure. B-But that doesn't mean that there is no c-cure! I'm going to keep working on a cure!" I said frantically, trying to convince Lapis.

"But, this says everything was attempted. What are you gonna try if everything else failed?" She asked.

"I... I don't know. B-But I'm going to find a way!"

Lapis seemed to get sad at this statement. She stayed silent for a few moments before finally speaking up again.

"So... This is gonna be your new obsession? Looking for a cure all the time?" She asked.

"W-Well, I wouldn't call it an obsession, but it i-is my new mission! I'll do everything I can: I'll get help from Steven, I'll review those notes for anything missed, and I'll even get help from your scientific frie-"

"I don't want you to look for a cure."

I stopped rambling and looked Lapis dead in the eyes.

"W-What?"

"Peridot please listen to me..."

Lapis grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to her.

"I... I know I'm dying. I knew that the moment I woke up from my... moment. I've accepted that. I'm not getting any better. And you're getting worse worrying about me. I... I don't want you chasing after something that doesn't exis-"

"But Lapis, I know it exists! It's just gonna take some time to find!"

"Time I don't have. Peridot, if I'm dying, I don't want my final moments to be spent lying in a bed alone while you labor away trying to find a cure that won't come. I want to spend as much time as possible with you while I still can, and I can't do that if you're busy wasting effort on something else."

"L-Lapis... I..."

"I'm... I'm sorry. I wish this wasn't really happening, but it is. Just... Please. Spend time with me. I don't want to be alone."

_You failed her._

"Nono... Lapis... I..."

_YOU failed her._

"Please I... I can still find a..."

_THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!_

"I'M S-SORRY!"

Suddenly, all the emotions I had buried came pouring out and I pulled Lapis into a strong hug and sobbed violently into her shoulder.

"Shhh, Peri. It's okay..." Lapis said, rubbing my back.

"NO, IT'S NOT! Y-YOU'RE GONNA DIE, AND I'M GONNA BE ALONE, AND IT'S A-ALL MY FAULT! *sob* BECAUSE I WASN'T SMART ENOUGH TO FIND A STUPID CURE!"

"Peridot... Don't say that. You are one of the smartest gems I know. The smartest, even. It wasn't your f-fault you couldn't find something that doesn't exist. Peri, don't cry. If you keep c-crying I'm gonna start crying."

I couldn't stop myself. All the negative thoughts that I was hiding from Lapis came pouring out. I just sat there crying into Lapis' shoulder. I don't know for how long, but it must have been hours.

"Peri, it's actually kind of late. H-How about we go to sleep and we can talk more in the morning. Y-You... You can stay here with me if you'd like." Lapis suggested, with a slight blush on her face.

"Ok..."

I slowly climbed into the mattress with Lapis. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a cuddle. A blush slowly appeared on my face. I slowly let sleep take me, but not before I heard Lapis sigh in relief. 

"G-Good night, Lapis..."

"Good night, Peri..."

 

 


	16. Back to the Temple

_**Peridot POV** _

I slowly awoke from the mattress to find Lapis still cuddled close to me, her face seemingly content and relaxed. My face heated up and I sighed in relief, knowing that she hadn't disappeared in the middle of the night and that she was in fact feeling better. My blush quickly disappeared, however, and was replaced with a growing sense of dread and sadness.

Lapis was going to die. These moments: cuddling close to each other, watching Camp Pining Hearts together, just... enjoying each other's presence. Soon, they would all cease. She accepted this.

I have not.

My eyes started to slowly fill up with tears. All the painful memories of the night before came up again, and the feeling of dread just kept getting bigger and bigger. I didn't want Lapis to wake up and see me like this, but I couldn't help it.

My body slowly started shaking and I let out a quite sob. Lapis squirmed in her sleep, so I covered my mouth in an attempt to keep myself quite. An attempt that was not met with success.

Lapis slowly awoke, her eyes fluttering open. I quickly turned away from her and tried to dry my tears. 

"Good morning, Per- Peridot? What's wrong?" She asked worriedly.

"N-Nothing! I was just... d-doing some thinking..."

"About... Last night?"

Everything went down hill from there. All my emotions spilled over again and I turned around and crying into Lapis' shoulder, clutching to her like she would disappear if I let go. Lapis, in turn, rubbed my back and pulled me closer.

"I-I just don't w-want you to go!" I sobbed.

"I... I know. I don't want to go either. But, it's just the way things are. Peridot, look up at me."

Lapis used her free hand to move my head up to face hers. She had a worried expression, a small frown, and half-lidded eyes. Her eyes... they always seemed sparkling and wild but now they seemed dull and muted.

"Peridot, I want to spend as much time as possible with you.I don't want you to think about what's gonna happen to me in the future, but what's happening now. Okay?"

*sniff* "O-Okay."

I slowly got out of the mattress and did a slight stretch. Lapis seemed to want to follow suit, but as soon as she tried to get up, she hissed in pain and laid back down.

"Oh, wait! I forgot to give you these yesterday!" I said as I raced to my satchel and dug out the medicine bottles.

"What are those?" Lapis asked.

I poured out a pill from each bottle and gave them to Lapis. 

"They're medicines. They'll help with any pain and nausea you might have, plus quell any hallucination you might get. All you have to do is swallow them. It'll help... with your situation." I said, trying not to get worked up again.

Lapis took the pills and swallowed them. "Wow, thanks." She said, a small smile appearing on her face. "How long do they take to start working?"

"Hmm. I actually don't know. Perhaps a couple of hours? Maybe you should stay in bed and rest until then."

"Okay. What are you gonna do in the meanwhile?" 

She raises an excellent question. What could I do while I wait for Lapis to recover. I could work on more Meep Morps, extending the Barn's very own art collection. I could do a bit more research into Lapis' condition, finding other ways to make her more comfortable. Though I doubt that would do any good to my mental stability. 

_I could go and confront the Crystal Gems._

I froze up at this thought. Would that be the right thing to do? I did need to confront them on what they were doing with the Prime Kindergarten... but I want to be near Lapis. Plus, I might lose control with my emotions when talking with them. They have been all over the place recently. But the Crystal Gems need to face their consequences. I need this kind of closure.

"Lapis... I'm going to be out for a few hours. I'm going over to the temple to discuss some things with the Crystal Gems. I promise I'll be back when you've recovered. Then we can do more things together. But this is kinda important... Okay?" I say, hoping Lapis would be okay with this.

"Oh... That's fine! I'm actually still feeling a bit sleepy, so you can go do that. I'll be here waiting when you get back. Then when we can talk and do other things." She replies calmly.

"Thank you, Lapis. I'll be back in a few hours. Be sure to get plenty of rest. If you need anything, there should be plenty of supplies around the barn."

I turn and gather up my things, especially the research notes and my tablet, and stuff them in my satchel. As I turned to leave the barn, I looked back to see Lapis looking a little sad. I turned around and ran back to her, giving her a hug. Her eyes went wide and I thought I noticed a slight blush on her face.

"I'm glad you're still here." I said, squeezing slightly.

"A-And I'm glad you're back here with me." She stuttered with a slight smile.

"Bye Lapis!" I yell as I run towards the warp pad.

I just hope that I can keep my emotions in check for this next part.

\--WARP--

As I warped into the Temple, I saw the Crystal Gems were all seated around the small table near the couch. Steven had a wide grin on his face, Pearl seemed content, Amethyst was giving a loud belly laugh, and Garnet looked calm. They seemed to be interacting with some kind of board with small little figurines on it. A "board game", If I recall correctly.

_Nice to know that, while Lapis is busy suffering, they still find time to enjoy themselves._

Keep calm.

"Oh, Peridot! It's so good to see you!" Steven said, waving from his little spot on the couch. "We were actually coming to visit you tomorrow, to check up on you and Lapis. How have you been? How's Lapis doing?"

"I've been doing... okay, and Lapis is... Listen Steven, can you give me and the other Crystal Gems a few moments in private? I have something to discuss with them, and I think you might be a little too... young to listen in." I said firmly.

"Aww, c'mon P! We're in the middle of Monopoly, and I'm about to kick Pearl's butt!" Amethyst roared. "Besides, whatever nerd stuff you need to talk about, I'm sure Steven  _mature_  enough to handle it!"

They all had a little laugh while Pearl seemed to grumble something about "property values." I simply dug my hand into my satchel, pulled out my tablet, pressed the play button on the opened app, and threw the tablet into the middle of the table.

"Hey, what's the big ide-" 

**"Daniel Ordain, Log date August 18, and I have had enough of gem creatures for one lifetime..."**

All the Crystal Gems seemed to freeze up at this.

Pearl covered her mouth with her hand, giving a wide eyed stare.

Amethyst immediately stopped laughing, and her face went from happy to scared.

And Garnet, who was usually stoic and collected, seemed to slowly lose her composure and adopted a worried expression.

Steven, however, seemed a bit confused.

"Who is that?" He asked.

"You've got questions to answer, Crystal Gems, and consequences to face." I stated.

The data log still droned on, but Pearl leaped up and covered Steven's ears. She pulled him outside and told him something. Probably to go and stay with someone else for a while. Maybe with his friend Connie. Although I could care less right now.

Steven gave a nod and slowly walked away from the Temple, and Pearl came back inside.

I looked at all of them with a grim expression.

"I want answers.  **Now.** " I stated.

 

 


	17. Crystal Gem no more

_**Peridot POV** _

"So... I guess we should start from the beginning..."

The tablet eventually shut off after running through the first log. I just stood there, tapping my foot impatiently, waiting for answer, ANY answer. Part of me as curious as to how they would justify all of this, and another part was simply brimming with anger.

Pearl was the first to speak up.

"Yeah, that would be preferable." I spoke.

"Okay... I guess you already know about Daniel, so you deserve to know WHY we interacted with him. We met Daniel only a few weeks after Steven's birth. He was a former student at DelMarva State University, and had an extreme obsession with Gems and Gem technology. He spent years of education studying our species, and when he came to Beach City motivated by rumors and nothing more, well... he was ecstatic when he met us to say the least." Pearl explained.

"The dude was like, super crazy about where we came from and how we worked. He was kind-of a nerd. We started talking to him and, one thing led to another, and we started hanging out with him more and more. Part of it was just cause he was an all around cool guy but... most of it was just to get our minds off of losing Rose." Amethyst said, jumping in on the conversation.

"So, what does any of this have to with the Prime Kindergarten experiments or... Lapis?" I asked.

"They were getting to that." Garnet started speaking, "Daniel had expressed interest in seeing other Gem sites because he had 'big plans', as he put it. We eventually gave in, and took him to the Prime Kindergarten, just to satisfy his curiosities. He was amazed and said he wanted to stay there and study the place. We had to ask him why he wanted to stay in that barren place and what his plans were..." She went silent at the end.

The Crystal gems exchanged worried looks.

"Well?" I shouted.

"He... He wanted to create his own Gem." Pearl said.

_What._

THAT was a suprise. Why would this cloddy human want to create a Gem? The Gem species has been nothing but awful to human beings and yet, here I am hearing about this "Daniel" character who worshiped Gems, and wanted to create another Gem?

This was new to me.

"Why would a human ever want to do that?" I asked.

"Infatuation? There's just something about creating another living being that... strikes a chord with every human..." Pearl said.

"And? You just... LET him?"

"Of course not." Garnet spoke up. "At first, we tried to talk him out of it, said it was to dangerous and it would take too much of a toll on the planet to create even one more Gem. He seemed convince at first, and said that he would leave the topic alone. 'Besides,' he said, 'I can learn a lot more from you guys!' We all eventually became great friends. We gave him more info on Gemkind, and he helped us out with missions and the such. He was a great engineer as well as a scientists. He even fell in love and married another person from Beach City. We thought he moved on, but..." 

"I got desperate. I came to him one day in a blind depression, mourning over Rose. He and his wife helped console me, but eventually... I asked him about his old research. I was looking through it and, through regrettable thoughts... I thought I saw a way to bring Rose back." Pearl said softly.

"She came back, and she convinced us to let Daniel try out some of his research. We set him up in the Prime Kindergarten with all sorts of nerd junk. Soon enough, we all started seeing some hope in his work, and we kept egging him on. We don't know why but... It was the first time in a long while we had hope of seeing Rose again." Amethyst said.

"He kept on going and going, trying his hardest, but soon it became clear that there was no possible way to bring Rose back. We eventually moved on, gave Daniel other projects to work on, but... our rushed decisions came at a price." Garnet said.

"The radiation." I added.

All the gems seemed to frown at this statement.

"Yes... The technology we provided emitted unique gamma radiation that causes an untreatable form of cancer in humans. Daniel was unfortunate enough to... to contract the disease." Pearl said.

"In the logs, this 'Daniel' said that you didn't warn him about this radiation, which forced him to create... Why didn't you tell him about the radiation?"

Silence. Crushing Silence.

"We didn't tell him because, honestly, we had completely forgotten about it. Only one other human was affected by the radiation that we know of, and this human was around during the time of... of Pink Diamond. As it turns out, the genome that binds with the radiation to form the cancer appears in 1 of every 1.3 billion humans born. It was extremely rare. We didn't think anyone still had the genome, so we never brought it up. It was probably the biggest mistake we ever made." Pearl said solemnly.

"Why... Why did you never tell me this? Tell Lapis? Do you know how much could have been avoided if you had just...  _just...stopped telling us lies?"_  I spat, causing all three of them to flinch.

"One of the days we came to visit Daniel while he was under his 'condition', we found that the Laboratory had completely disappeared. We searched all throughout the Kindergarten, but found no trace of it. We had to assume that Daniel used some sort of technology to conceal himself. Maybe out of pity. Maybe out of shame. Maybe out of fear. We told his wife and child, and eventually we had to move on, for Steven's sake. We couldn't bear to let him grow up in the company of three grieving parental figures." Garnet stated.

More silence. It was deafening. I was hoping for something, anything, to break that silence.

"So... That's just it then, huh?  _A couple of half-baked explanations and some saddened expressions? Is that really how you justify this?"_

_Even more silence. Traded looks of pain. Of anguish. Just say something you stupid clods._

"Peridot... We're sorry. We know we can never make up for our past mistakes, but we never meant to hurt anyone, much less you and Lapis." Garnet said, while Pearl and Amethyst nodded along. "We are going to make it up to you, to her. We're still a team."

"Besides, you found Daniel's lab! We have an even greater chance of finding a cure! Lappy is gonna be alright!" Amethyst said, trying to add hope to the conversation.

" _A cure..._ "

"We are going to get through this, Peridot." Pearl said. "I'm sorry for what we did before, but let us make up for it now. Don't worry, we're gonna figure this out."

_'You're wife and child miss you. Don't worry, we're gonna figure this out.'_

_They don't care. They never did. This is usual for them. Spit out an apology, and you can avoid the consequences._

...

" _Sorry?_ "

The Crystal Gems looked me in the eyes.

_"Sorry, huh? SORRY, HUH?!? YOU THINK YOU GET TO BE SORRY?!? AFTER ALL THE HORRIBLE THINGS YOU DID, AFTER ALL THE PAIN YOU'VE CAUSED ME, THE PAIN YOU CAUSED LAPIS, YOU THINK YOU DESERVE TO BE SORRY?!? LAPIS. IS. DYING. I'VE LOOKED THROUGH ALL OF THIS HUMAN'S RESEARCH AND GUESS WHAT?!? THERE ISN'T A CURE FOR HER CONDITION!!! SHE IS LOSING CONTROL OF EVERYTHING, HER LIFE IS FALLING APART!!! **OUR**  LIVES ARE FALLING APART!"_

"Peridot, please... just calm do-"

_"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW?!? TO SEE THE GEM I CARE ABOUT, THE GEM I LOVE, PHYSICALLY DEGRADE BEFORE MY EYES?!? IT. IS. TORTURE. I CAN'T EVEN GO ONE NIGHT WITHOUT HAVING HORRIBLE NIGHTMARES ABOUT WHAT IS HAPPENING. ONE DAY I'M GONNA WAKE UP, AND LAPIS WILL BE GONE FOREVER, AND YOU THINK COUPLE OF GUILTY FACES AND A 'SORRY' IS GOING TO FIX ALL THIS?!?"_

I ran over and grabbed the tablet from the table. I stuffed it into my bag and then stomped away towards the warp pad.  _I now had tears pouring from my eyes, and my hands we're shaking in anger._

_"I never want to see you three again. I don't want you to come near me, or Lapis, or the life that you ruined ever again. I will never forgive you for this... Homeworld was right about you guys. You don't care for anyone else but yourselves. Not humans, not other gems, not even your own stupid cause matters to you."_

"HEY! You can't just turn your backs on us like that! You're a Crystal Gem too, you know? That star on you're chest means something! If you aren't gonna appreciate those who fought behind it, you don't deserve to wear it!" Amethyst shouted.

I whipped around and faced the team, then looked down at my outfit. 

_That horrible symbol stared right back at me, reminding me of the monsters who I once called 'friends.'_

I gripped it as hard as I could, and ripped it off of my outfit. I threw the scrap right back at the Crystal Gems.

_"As far as I'm concerned, **defective quartz** , I am a Crystal Gems no more."_

\--WARP--


	18. Feelings for you

**_ Lapis POV _ **

"Should I tell her?"

**I don't know why you're asking the question.**

"You know why..."

**No, not really.**

"Augh, why are you making this more dificult than it needs to be?"

**Why are you? Can you turn the page over for me now?**

It had been a few hours since the medicine that Peridot gave me finally took affect. I honestly didn't think they would do much, but they worked extremely well. It felt like all the pain and nausea was just a ghost of a memory now. I had been up and about, cleaning the mess I had made over the past couple days. I eventually finished with that, and decided to do some 'drawing', a meep-morp technique Peridot taught me. 

Although with all honesty, my mind was nowhere near focused on what I was actually drawing.

"What do you mean 'why are you?'" I said as I turned the report page over for Gray. "And... Why are you still reading that thing? I thought there was no... whatever, I don't wanna think about that right now".  He was completely immersed in some pages of the report Peridot accidentally left behind.

**I don't know. It's just... familiar to me, you know? Like I was the one who wrote this... And what I MEAN is that you know the answer to your own question. Which is why I don't get why you're asking it.**

"It's just... What if she doesn't feel the same way? She's been really nice recently, but that could be out of pity. Who would actually 'like' someone like me, sick with... whatever this is. I just... don't wanna leave things unsaid, you know?"

**Okay Lapis, think about that statement for a second. You're claiming that this person, a person who you talked my ear off about when we first met on how she was 'So nice' and 'a real friend' towards you, a person who stuck by you're side when you were losing your mind, a person who cried actual tears of pain and remorse when she heard you were gonna... you think this person doesn't genuinely care about you? That's gotta be the dumbest shit I've ever heard, and I've only been around for like... a week.**

Yes, if you couldn't tell, I was thinking about a way to tell Peridot my 'true' feelings about her. She had just been so... nice to me recently, and so genuine. This only added on to my small crush I had on her before all this that turned into full blown affection towards the small little gem. That, coupled with recent 'revelations', pushed towards the mindset of finally coming clean to Peri.

I was obviously afraid of what she would say back to me. Even if Gray did make a point.

**Uh, Lapis?**

But why would she have any real reason to like me like I like her? Maybe she only cares about me in a friendship kind of way.

**Lapis, you're zoning out.**

Yeah, there it is, the most logical explanation. We were just really good friends. Peridot would be proud of me, using logic like that.

**Lapis...**

Oh, great. Now I'm thinking about her again. Hear comes the blushing and the sweet thoughts. Augh...

**You know, I actually know her true feelings for you.**

Okay, just calm down. All you have to do is convince yourself you're just friends and you'll be-

Wait what.

"What did you just say?" I said, whipping around to face Gray.

**I said: I know her true feelings for you.**

WAIT WHAT.

"H-How do you know that? You're just saying that to force me into confessing!"

**I saw her lean in close to your face, give you a peck on the lips, say 'I love you' and then tuck you into bed yesterday while you were unconscious. Seems to me she's pretty sure of her own feelings.**

She... She kissed me? SHE SAID SHE LOVED ME?!?

"AND WHY ARE YOU JUST TELLING ME NOW?!?" I yelled.

**You never asked.**

My face was completely covered in a deep, deep blush and my heart was beating out of my chest. A slight grin spread across my face, and I let out small giggles.

She... She loves me. SHE LOVES ME! This has got to be the best news I have ever heard in my life! And here I was, giving myself a hard time worrying about whether I should go through with this or not! 

I shot up and gave a gigantic hug to Gray. 

"OH MY STARS THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU FOR TELLING ME! I... I have to do something! I definitely have to tell her! Oh, but how... Maybe I should give her a gift! What would she like as a gift? Stars, what do I get her, Gray?" I said in a million word rant.

**If I may interject in this thrilling chapter of "Ramblings with Lazuli", I think you already made a pretty good gift in that sketchbook of yours.**

I stopped my rant, and looked down to the paper I was drawing on.

"Oh my stars, it's perfect."

I carefully ripped the paper out of small book I was drawing in and folded it up.

**_*Click*_ **

I heard the barn doors unlock and slowly slide open. I leaped off my spot on the upper floor and raced down to greet Peridot.

"Peridot, you're finall- Oh my stars, what happened?!?"

Peridot had tears constantly streaming down her place. Her eyes were red, and she seemed like she wouldn't stop crying anytime soon. But what worried me most was her outfit. Right in the middle, where the Star that symbolizes her place in the Crystal Gems, was ripped away at the seams, and hastily sewn and stitched together with a white cloth.

"L-Lapis! You're-  _*sniff*_  You're alright! Are you feeling better now?"

** _Peridot POV_ **

"Yeah, I guess I am... But what happened to you Peridot?" Lapis stated.

Oh no. What do I tell her? I don't regret any of my actions, but I don't want to upset Lapis anymore than she already is. But I don't wanna lie either.

"I... I got into a fight... with the Crystal Gems." I said quietly.

"WHAT?!? THAT'S IT, I'M GOING OVER THERE AND I'M GONNA GIVE THEM A PIECE OF MY MIND!!" Lapis screamed as she stormed away towards the warp pad.

"N-No wait! It wasn't their fault, it... it was mine." I stuttered.

Lapis stopped and quickly turned around. "Wha-"

"I... I was so angry at them... They were actually the reason you have your... condition. So, I w-went to confront t-them, and I did some things. Some hateful things. I... I'm sorry."

"W...Why did you do that?" 

"B-Because they hurt you! Because if it wasn't f-for their stupid decisions, you wouldn't be... *sniff* you wouldn't..."

"Peridot... come here" Lapis said softly. She had a saddened expression on her face, and she took me into a close embrace.

"I... I renounced my position in the Crystal Gems... I d-didn't want to be a part of a group of d-deceivers and Gems who betray their friends."

"Peridot, you didn't need to do that."

"N-No... I needed to. For both our sakes. As for my outfit, I ripped off the s-star in a fit of rage. I... I do slightly regret my actions. But they were necessary."

"Only 'slightly'? Peridot, those are your friends!"

"They hurt you! They hurt others! E-Even if they didn't mean it, they still went and did it! They don't sound like friends to me. I just couldn't let them avoid the consequences... I had to do something, anything to help... I'm useless if I can't help you..."

"No... You're not. Peridot, you've done so much for me in he past couple of days. You cared for me, you worked for me, you even put yourself in danger because of me! Peridot, you're not useless, not even close. You care. I can tell."

I... I can't take it. I need to tell her. Tell her my real feelings towards her.

"L-Lapis. I have something I n-need to tell you..." I could feel my face heating up and my pulse quickening. "The reason why I care about you so much, the reason why I put myself in danger... it's because I... I like you Lapis. A lot. I need you. You make everything in my life better than it was before. That's why I confronted the Crystal Gems. They are responsible for taking the one thing that matters to me. These feelings are stronger than I have ever felt before."

Lapis brought my head up to face her. She a had a slight smile and an endearing look in her eyes. It only served to quicken my already speeding heart. Our face seemed to only get closer and closer to each other. My blush only deepened.

"Lapis Lazuli... I think I love you."

Then our lips met.

All the signals in my gem were firing at light speed. Everything seemed to floating, and it was indescribably the best feeling I have ever experienced in my lifetime. I never wanted it to end.

Slowly, Lapis started pulling away and looked me in the face.

"Peridot, I think I love you too."

Those few words were the best I had ever heard in my life.

"Come on, we can talk more about this inside the barn." Lapis said, taking my hand and leading me back towards the barn.

As we walked, Lapis seemed to be fidgeting with a small piece of paper in her hand.

"I, uh... I made you this." Lapis said, holding out the small gift.

I took the paper from her and slowly unfolded it. I let out a loud gasp when I finally saw what it was.

On the piece of paper was a drawing of me and Lapis, much like the drawing Steven made when I was still trying to get Lapis to forget me. However, this drawing was in Lapis' style, and instead of hand holding, we were hugging and smiling together. And in the corner, a small note was written.

_Peridot is the nicest Gem I have ever know. I'm glad that I met her. She has changed my life for the better, and I wouldn't want to be with anyone more than I want to be with her._

I felt tears threatening to leak down my face. I looked back up at Lapis and saw she had a nervous expression, waiting for a response.

"Lapis Lazuli, this is the best gift anyone has ever given to me. I love it so much." I said with a huge grin.

Lapis grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug. I could feel her heart beating rapidly in her chest.

"I'm glad you liked it."

As we finally made our way back into the barn, Lapis spoke up again.

"Peridot, as much as I appreciate you standing up for me, I don't want you to ever do something along the lines of your argument with the Crystal Gems ever again. They are still your friends, and I... I feel like you're gonna be needing them more sooner or later." Lapis said with a soft tone.

_Former friends. I don't associate with deceptive clods. Still, I don't want to upset Lapis._

"Okay... I won't do something like that ever again."

"Thank you, Peri."

Me and Lapis laid down on the mattress on the second floor and talked with each other, cuddled together in a warm embrace. We decided what we wanted to do together in the coming days, and just about our appreciation for the other. Eventually, Lapis fell asleep, and I soon followed her afterwards while in the middle of writing a "Cheep" about how glad I was to have Lapis in my life.

_**Gray POV** _

**I finally finished reading the remaining pages of the report when I saw Lapis and Peridot cuddled up together on the mattress, sleeping peacefully for what must be the first time in days. Lapis was cuddling Peridot, and Peridot was barely holding on to her tablet.**

**Absolutely adorable.**

**I was about to turn to leave and give the two some privacy, when I heard a loud clatter, followed by some sort of ringtone.**

** _"NOW LOADING AUDIO PLAYLIST 'LOGS'"_ **

**I turned around and peered at the tablet. I wonder what Peridot has logged on her tablet? I don't wanna be a snoop but... ah, who am I kidding?**

**I patiently waited for the first log to load.**

**_"Daniel Ordain, Log date August 18..."_ **

**Wait, is that... My voice?**


	19. Change in management

_**Lapis POV** _

Things between me and Peridot were better after that day. We spent a lot more time together, doing whatever came to mind: Farming crops, making meep-morps, to even just enjoying each other's company while watching CPH. Things were nice.

I still wanted to spend time with Steven and the other Gems, if not just to apologize, but Peridot said this wasn't a good idea. She didn't want them hurting me any more than they already have. A part of me wanted to disagree, but I eventually said yes. I wanted to spend my last few moments alive happy, not arguing with friends. Besides, Steven was the only one I really cared about, and if wanted to see me he would come visit.

For a while, I was really enjoying life, Peridot was a lot happier, and we were both at peace.

But, Gray... He was a different story.

Ever since that night at the barn where me and Peri confessed, Gray seemed to be more and more recluse and mysterious. Every morning when I woke up, he would ask me to spread all of the research notes out so he could read them. Then he would just... stay there, reading the notes. He wouldn't talk to me or Peridot, and when I tried to talk to him outside of this, he would just mumble a noise in response and go back to reading.

I was actually starting to get worried. I didn't why he was acting like this, and I started to get more jumpy and panicky. This panicking, at one point, almost triggered my symptoms and it took a couple hours of Peridot holding me close and rubbing my back to soothe me.

I decided to ignore him. If he wanted to be a reclusive creep, let him be. I got back to spending time with Peridot again, and things were good. 

But then... strange things started happening. Well, stranger things. I started gaining a strange need to do certain things. I constantly felt cold, I started hearing music out of my ears, and I got a strange cravings for an Earth food called 'Spaghetti' (Which was actually pretty good, to be honest). Then I started waking up in strange places, or I would 'zone out', as Steven would say, and do things without thinking. It was frightening, but nothing inherently evil. Peridot upped my medicine intake, and these occurrences seemed to die out.

And then came the day Gray finally talked.

I had just woken up and taken my medications (I still needed them to quell my symptoms), and was prepared to go back to cuddling Peridot when I found out she wasn't there. I looked around the barn until I found a small note.

_Lapis,_

_I am going into Beach City to find more meep-morp parts, as it seems we are running low due to our recent endeavors. I will also be getting more of that "Sagetti' stuff you seem to be more obsessed with. I'll be back in only half an Earth hour._

_I Love You,_

_Peri~_

**H-Hey Lapis...**

I jumped and whipped around to face Gray. He finally decided to start talking to me again, and he chose to do this by sneaking up behind me and scaring me.

"JEEZ, GRAY! Don't scare me like that!" I screamed.

**S-Sorry. I just... I needed to talk to you.**

"Oh, so now you want to talk? You know you gave me panic attacks with how you were acting, right? Don't think you can just come back from that. What even happened to you?"

**I... I found out some stuff, about myself... Listen, can we just... talk?**

"I, uh... Okay, sure?"

We sat down on the barn floor and got comfortable.

"So, what did you find out?"

**...**

"Gray?"

**I don't really exist. I'm... I'm an illusion. Something created by... by whatever is inside you. I'm just the forgotten memories of the mistakes made by a group of monsters.**

"Wha..."

**The Crystal Gems... They created me. I used to be a scientist, working in this place called the Prime Kindergarten. I was infected by this... virus, and it turned me into this. There's... there's no way to bring me back to... to 'life'.**

This... was news to me. Peridot never told me anything about this. Did she even know that the thing infecting me had to do with Gray? If she knew, why didn't she tell me? Was Gray telling the truth?

All these questions buzzed through my head, and what's more, I slowly started to feel panic and sadness build up in my body.

"How... How do you know? How do you know any of this is true?"

**Peridot's tablet. It was open and this group of audio logs made by... made by me were playing. That's how I knew. Also, my memories are slowly starting to come back, and more frequently. It's... It's hard.**

"I... Is this why you've been so busy reading those research notes? Were you trying to find out more about yourself?"

**I was trying to look for a way to... 'free' me. It... It just lead to the enforcement of the fact that I'm  a plague. A disease meant to be cured. I'm not even the scientist I used to be. I'm just his shadow.**

"I'm so sorry... Do you need anything?"

**Actually, yeah... That's why I started talking to you again. I... need a favor from you.**

"What kind of favor?"

**I... I've been doing some... some tests. Regarding the limit to which we are connected... If you haven't noticed recently, some strange things have been happening to you, right?**

"Y-Yeah... Wait, you don't have anything to do with that do you?"

**...**

"Gray, do yo-"

**Yes. I was trying to connect myself to you more and more. I was seeing if there was any way I could fully connect to your nervous system, to be able to live life through your eyes, through you.**

_What. The. Fuck._

Goddammit, first I have to deal with this new revelation, and now THOSE thoughts came back?

"Gray, do you realize how extremely creepy and disgusting that sounds? That's. My. Life. Even if you want to 'live again', you had no right to do that! You better have a way to stop this now!"

**Lapis, please understand why I did this. I only have memories of living, but no experiences. Do you know what that feels like? To have the memory of a warm summer's breeze on your skin, but not be able to feel? To remember eating a delicious ice cream cone, but not be able to taste? It's like being able to see freedom, just beyond your grasp, but being pulled away from it all. I... I think you know that feeling more than anyone.**

_He's got a point. I do know that feeling. All. Too. Well._

Shut up.

"Gray, I don't like where this is going..."

**Please, just one day at most. I need to know what it's like. To live. To feel. After that, I can go away. I'll... I'll disappear forever, just please. I want to live again. Just once.**

"No... No, this is wrong, THAT is wrong! I'm not letting you use my body, my mind for some sort of... joyride out in the real world!"

**Please Lapis, I-**

" _NO! THAT IS MY DECISION AND IT IS FINAL! THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER!"_

I leaped up from the spot where we were sitting with the full intention of leaving the barn to go find Peridot, but Gray leaped up, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back.

**YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE A REAL ASSHOLE LAPIS! I HAVE WASTED MY TIME TRYING TO FIND A CURE FOR YOU, TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, AND WHEN I ASK FOR ONE LITTLE FAVOR YOU FLIP OUT ON ME?!? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT?!?**

"LET GO OF ME! YOU'RE HURTING ME!" I screamed, trying to wiggle out of his grasp on my hand.

**OH NO, LAZULI! YOU DON'T GET TO WALK OUT ON ME LIKE THAT!  YOU OWE ME THIS! I'VE HELPED YOU SO MUCH BEFORE AND NOW IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU HELPED ME!**

_"HELPED ME?!? JUDGING BY WHAT YOU'VE BEEN SAYING TO ME, YOU'RE WHAT'S KILLING ME!! THE REASON WHY PERIDOT IS RUNNING AROUND CONSTANTLY PANICKED!!! THE REASON WHY I HAVE TO TAKE THESE WEIRD MEDICINES EVERY MORNING!!! SO I DON'T OWE YOU JACK SHIT!"_

I finally wrestled my arm away from him. I clutched it with my other unhurt hand.

_"You are going to leave me alone. You are going to disappear to wherever you came from, and you will never talk to, interact with, or HURT me or Peridot ever again! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?!?"_

Gray started to shake, his hands clenched into fists. His face held on of the most angriest expression I had ever seen in my entire life.

**You... You.. FUCKING BITCH!**

**_*SHOVE*_ **

_"AUGH!!"_

**_*SLAM*_ **

**_I shut my eyes as I felt myself fall backwards. I hit the floor of the barn with a loud thud. I expected it to hurt but... it didn't. Everything felt different, it felt off. I don't know what Gray did when he shoved me, but it wasn't good. Nothing felt like anything. I wanted it to stop._ **

**"OH MY GOD LAPIS, I'M SORRY, I... I... wha... What happened? OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, WHAT DID I DO?!? OH SHIT!" _Gray said, panicking_**

**_I slowly opened my eyes to see what Gray was talking about, then immediately screamed._ **

**_Kneeling down, right before my eyes, was me. It was my body, the gem protruding from my back, my hair still flowing in the nearby wind from outside. My eyes were shut and if anyone had just walked in, they would've thought I was dead on the floor._ **

**_I looked down at myself and found that my 'body' was different. I was completely gray. From head to toe._ **

**_"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?!?" My voice didn't even sound normal. It sounded distorted and grainy._ **

**_Like Gray's voice._ **

**"I... I DON'T KNOW! I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU, I WAS JUST... OH GOD WHAT DID I DO?!?" _Gray screamed_**

**_"FIX IT! TURN ME BACK TO NORMAL!"_ **

**"I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! I MEAN, YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, BUT YOU'RE ALSO... also... kneeling down in front of me... like a vessel..."**

**_Gray's expression seemed to change from worried to curious. He looked down at his hand before sticking it out to reach forward to grab my shoulder. What happened next almost made me faint._ **

**_His hand didn't touch my shoulder, or even pass right through it, but rather, it slipped into it. Gray's eyes seemed to widen as he let out a gasp._ **

**_My body seemed to grumble and moved, but it stopped and went back to its catatonic state._ **

**"I can... I can feel this. I can feel my hand again..."**

**_"Gray... do something please... Help me..." I begged._ **

**_Gray removed his hand from my shoulder.  He gazed at it as his face expression changed from curious to determined._ **

**"I think you heard me before Lapis... I've helped you long enough. It's about time you do something for me."**

**_Gray walked forward to where my body was kneeling and knelt in the same spot. Soon, a soft white glow encompassed both the figures, and when it disappeared, so had Gray._ **

**_"Gray, what... what did you do?"_ **

**_Soon, my body started to stir, and it slowly got up. I looked at it with a terrifying expression. I had no reason what was happening, but I wanted it to stop. It felt like a nightmare, but I know I wasn't gonna wake up from this._ **

**_The body opened its eyes and looked down at me. I looked down at me._ **

"I told you Lapis..."  ** _The body spoke, it's voice sounding exactly like mine,_**  "I'm going to  _live._  I won't waste my second chance."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a burst of inspiration, so I went ahead and wrote the next chapter! Don't worry, this won't disrupt any normal schedule for next weekend. In fact... There may be more than two new chapters this week... If I'm lucky.
> 
> Poor Lapis Lazuli. It's a shame last chapter would be the happiest for her in this spiraling descent into her own insanity. 
> 
>  
> 
> For Gray, however... It seems things may be looking up for the mad scientist...
> 
>  
> 
> Or, "I'm about to have a lot of fun writing Gray doing stuff Lapis wouldn't normally do while looking like Lapis. Also shoes. And donuts." the chapter.


	20. Air on my skin

_** Lapis? POV ** _

I slowly opened and closed my hands.  I could feel everything. The air blowing softly against me. The hardwood flooring under my feet. All these emotions seemed like distant memories, but so new and unfamiliar.

This is what it was like. To live.

Even my own thoughts seemed to be unjumbled by the thick haze that clouded my mind when I was... the other thing.

But didn't have to worry about that anymore. I was free.

I looked down at myself. It was a bit jarring to not see myself, but another person entirely. Blue skin. Weird clothes. It was definitely jarring. Like I was myself, but wasn't at the same time.

"Is this how it feels like? To be alive?" I asked myself. Even my voice, although it wasn't my voice, sounded clearer and less distorted.

**Gray... Please. Give me my body back.**

I turned around to face Lapis. The real Lapis.

"Lapis, I have no intent to take control away from you forever. But I don't intend to give it back right now. I need to know what else I have been missing. How much the world has changed since I disappeared."

**Please, this is wrong. Give me back control over my life. You could get yourself, MYSELF, hurt.**

"Relax, Lapis. It's not like I'm gonna go around shoving knives into myself while being "obsessed with pain." I want to LIVE, not die."

I felt an unusually cold breeze fly by, and I shivered from head to toe.

"Although... I think we may start with a change in wardrobe. I'm not gonna be walking around the countryside in a dress at the mercy of the elements. And what's your deal with shoes? Do you not feel how cold the flo-"

"HEEEY LAZULI!" Someone from behind me yelled

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" I screamed, jumping out of my skin. MY skin... Does that saying still apply here? Honestly, everything is just so... new.

"Oh, sorry Lapis. Did I scare you?"

I turned around to see that Peridot had finally returned from wherever she ventured off to this morning. She was carrying a large bag which seemed to hold pieces of junk in it.

**Peridot! Oh thank the stars, please you have to help me! I don't know what happened.**

"Y-Yeah, you did scare me! Don't do that again!" I replied back.

"Oh... Okay. Once again, I am sorry. It was not my intent."

**Wait what? Peridot, that's not me, that's Gray! Please, help me!**

"You do know she can't hear you, right?" I quietly whispered to Lapis.

"What was that?" Peridot asked.

"N-Nothing! I was just wondering if... if you found what you were looking for this morning?" I half-said, half-asked.

"Actually, I didn't find any more of the human food you like, but I did find more meep-morp parts! Now we can continue on our project from yesterday!"

Aw jeez, that sounds like a lot more time cooped up in this stupid barn playing with junk. I don't want to do that. I wanna live my life!

**No... Peri, please... listen to me...**

"Actually Peridot, I... I need to do something today. By myself. I'll be gone for probably the entire day, so don't wait up for me. It's just for today, though! Tomorrow, we can do whatever you want! There's just this reeeaaallly important thing I need to do today, okay?" I responded, trying to reassure the small person in front of me.

Peridot seemed to get sad at this, but her eyes portrayed an look of understanding. What a good friend. Lapis is really lucky to have her.

"O-Oh. I understand, I think. Okay then, I guess I'll just... stay here. By myself. And I'll... work on some projects myself. U-Um, will you be here by night time? Where are you going?" Peridot asked.

"Where I'm going doesn't matter, but I will be back here by night time. Probably around 12."

Peridot seemed to get confused by what I said.

"12 what?"

"Huh?"

"You said you'd be back by 12. 12 what?"

Oh, right. They're weird alien people who can't read Human Clocks.

Weirdos.

"O-Oh! I meant after... after 12 Earth hours! Then I'll be back... okay?"

"Oh! Okay then. Um, you aren't going to be doing anything... dangerous. Are you?"

"Oh, no! Definitely not. I'm just going to, you know... do things that I haven't done before. But I need to do this alone, so I can't bring you." I responded.

"Okay... Well, please try to stay safe. You know I don't like to see you get hurt." She said in a caring tone.

**Peridot...**

She walked forward to, I assume, try and hug me, but before she could, a loud noise went off from inside her small bag.

"AUGH, stupid cloddy tech." She said digging through the bag to pull out a... uh, I don't know what that is.

It seemed to be a small wrist-bound machine, with small lights and a tiny radar dish at the top.

"This thing has kept going on the fritz ever since you... You know. I've been trying to fix it, but it refuses to work! I mean... I me... what? That shouldn't even be possible..." Peridot stated after look at the machine.

"W-What is it?" I said, slightly nervous. I could only assume that, judging by the radar dish and what Peridot said, the device was a scanner of some sort.

A scanner that seemed to react negatively when pointed at me.

"It's just, beforehand the machine would register you with traces a Corruption since... You know. But know, it's showing you with levels of Corruption that I doubt even the Diamonds could even replicate." Peridot replied

Oh no.

**Yes! Come on Peri, figure it out!**

"Oh well. It's probably due to the inferior Earth tech I used. I'll adjust it while you're gone."

Whew!

**Damn it, Peridot.**

"W-Well, I'll leave you to it!" I said, slowly made my way towards the barn doors.

"Wait, I forgot to give you something!" She said, running towards me.

She leaped up and gave me a really big hug. I tried to keep as little contact with her as possible, pushing my arms to my side and lifting my head up as high as possible.

Hey, I'm a weird ghost thing, not a relationship ruiner.

"It's a hug! I love you, Lapis!" Peridot said cheerfully.

"Y-Yep! I, uh... I love you too, um... Peri?" I responded, trying to remember her nickname.

"Okay then, see ya Lapis!" Peridot said, running back into the barn.

**How dare you! Treating Peridot, the one Gem I actually care about, like she could be ignored and left alone! Do you realize how much she hurts herself panicking abo-**

"Relax, you can make it up to her when I'm done experiencing life." I said, interrupting Lapis. "Now, where the hell is that stup- Ah ha! Here it is!"

I had located the object of my desire: The strange warping device Lapis has used to take me to Beach City the first time. Although the first time was... painful, to say the least, this was the only way I knew of that could take me to Beach City.

Oh well... here goes nothing.

I stood on top of the pad, and waited for the warp pad to activate.

And waited.

And waited some more.

"Okay, is this thing broken, or what?" I yelled, waving my arms around trying to get it to work.

**...You need to think about the place you wanna go, then it'll activate.**

"Oh. I... I knew that! Duh!" I said, smacking my forehead with my hand.

Okay, just think about Beach City. The beautiful lights, the shimmering waves. The shops, the sights, the sounds.

I want to go to Beach City.

**Stars, please don't hurt as much as I think it will.**

\--WARP--

"H-Holy shit! That was completely different than last time!"

Only a few seconds had passed and I ended up in Beach City, right on the edge. And wow, it was like the pain from the first time didn't even exist! Everything felt fuzzy, then it felt like I was floating, and then I as here! This is amazing! Why wasn't this tech developed for humans. This would've been revolut-

**AUGH!!!!**

"Huh, Lapis? L-LAPIS!" I screamed.

I turned around to see Lapis withering on the ground, curled up in a ball and clutching her stomach. 

"OH MY GOD, WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?" I was really starting to panic.

**YOU IDIOT! GEM TECHNOLOGY IS ALMOST COMPLETELY INCOMPATIBLE WITH ANYTHING NON-GEM LIKE!!! AUGH!!! EVERYTHING HURTS!!!**

"OH! O-Okay... Is, uh... Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked.

**NO! No... it's going away. Let's just get this over with. I want my body back...**

"Well then... Let's get going!" I said, making my way toward the city.

Beach City was still just as wonderful as I remember it. Although it was mid-afternoon, the small town (I always wondered why it was called a city, it's got have a population of like, 12) still looked as beautiful as ever. And combined with all the new inputs my new senses were receiving, made the entire experience almost dreamlike.

"Okay, first things first: Your clothes. I'm not walking around in a crop-top and a short-skirt. And I swear to god, the next pebble I step on I'm gonna crush it." I said. "Now, let's find me a clothes shop."

**This can't be good.**

After a while of searching, I finally came across a clothing store titled "Beach City Styles." I walked inside and looked around at the options. 

"Okay, let's see here. 'Surf Master,' no. 'Love Doctor,' not even a real doctorate. 'Professional Beach Hunk'..." I looked down at myself. "Yeah... definitely not."

I walked towards the cashier. "Hey, do you have anything... more 'On-the-low'?" I asked.

The cashier seemed to judge me before responding. "Listen, weird alien lady. I just work here. What you see is what you get. Can you just... get out of my face?"

Um... rude?

"Okay... Jesus, I was just asking a question." I whispered to myself.

I turned back around and looked for a bit more. Eventually I found something that was a little more my style: A loose gray hoodie, white t-shirt, blue jeans, and some red tenis shoes and socks.

"Perfect."

**Nononononononon, no shoes please. They're annoying, and tight, and they hurt after you use them.**

I made my way to the changing room with my clothes and walked into an empty room. And then I realized a problem.

"Okay.... I will try to make this as least awkward and uncomfortable as possible..." I reassured Lapis.

**What do you mean awkwa-**

I shut my eyes as tight as possible and began to undress as quickly as possible, I slipped on the t-shirt, then the jeans, the shoes and socks, and finally zipped up the hoodie.

"Okay, potentially volatile situation avoided, let's get out of here."

I peaked my head out of the changing room, clutching my other clothes in my hand.  I had no money to actually pay for these clothes, so I was planning on booking it out of here. The dickish cashier was busy staring at her phone, so I slipped out and quickly made my way to the street.

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?" I said.

**I feel personally violated and I hate you more than I did this morning. Please give me back my body. Please, Gray.**

"Don't worry, Lapis. I didn't think this one part through, but I swear I won't do something that... invasive again." I said.

I stashed the clothes in an alleyway so I could retrieve them when I was done and kept on walking.

Suddenly, I was hit with the smell of something very deliciously smelling. It was sweet, but doughy, and almost smelled like... Perfection.

"What in the name of god is that amazing smell?"

**Uh... I don't know. I can't smell it. You know, because my nose is being used by someone else.**

I walked a little more, following that intoxicating smell, eventually find a strange, small little building. 

It was a donut shop.

Donuts...

I immediately ran inside the shop, the doorway making a little noise to announce I had entered.

"Hi, welcome to the Big Donut, how can I hel- Oh, Great. More of Steven's weird rock friends..." The employee grumbled.

This teen (I'm assuming) was a little weird looking. His hair was in a floof at the top of his head, and he had these weird rings in his ear. He looked like he REALLY did not want to be there.

I made my way towards the counter and saw the display they had next to it. I swear, my mouth was practically drooling. If there's one food I like more than Spaghetti, it's donuts.

"Y-Yeah, hi... Can I get a donut please?" I said, my eyes still fixed on the display.

"Yeah sure... You do have money on you, right?" The employee said.

"M-Me? Yeah, of c-course I have money! Why would I ask for a donut if I didn't have money?" I responded

"Okay, which donut do you want?" I asked.

I looked over all the donuts. They all looked so delicious, I couldn't possibly make a choice!

"All of them..."

"Excuse me?" Asked the employee.

"I want one of each kind of donut. Please."

The employee made an exasperated sigh and slowly began filling a bag with each kind of donut. I got giddy with excitement and started to slightly bounce. There must have been at least 20 of those pastry goods in that bag.

The employee handed me my bag.

"The total is $38.70" He said.

"Hey, um..." I looked at his name-tag. "Lars... Can you do me a favor?"

"Augh... what is it?"

"Can I get a rain check on this one? I kinda left my money in my other pockets." I pleaded.

"Are. You. Kidding Me."

"Um..."

"It's always like this with you people! Everyone here thinks they can just weasel their way out of paying, or stealing some food! And meanwhile, I'm stuck in a dead-end job wishing I could just die already!"

What. Did he. Just say.

_'Wishing I could just die already!'_

Those words lingered in my ears for far too long.

Wishing he could die? Does he have any idea how LUCKY he is? I would kill someone to have a live like his! Or a life, even! He's got his whole future ahead of him, he lives on the beach, he's got it perfect! And here he is, complete disregard for those who have it worse!

He's just squandering his life away.

My hand clenched into a fist and my entire body started shaking.

"Just give me the fucking donuts before a slap your fucking mouth off."

"Excuse me?!? I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, or I'll call the police. You have no money, and you just threatened me with viole-"

**_*SMACK*_ **

I had brought my hand up to his face and smacked him as hard as he can. He stumbled and fell backwards, most likely passed out. I did hit him pretty hard.

He deserved it.

I grabbed the bag of donuts and walked out of the store.

**What the hell was that? You can't just go around hurting people like that! They didn't do anyt-**

"Yeah well, maybe if they learned how to appreciate life, they wouldn't be earning themselves a smack to the face. Now let me enjoy my fucking donuts." I snarked back.

I sat down on a nearby bench, and opened up the bag. The amazing smell soon wafted out, and it helped calm me down.

"For a place that employs ungrateful little brats, they do make some amazing snacks. Hey, that kinda rhymed!" I said, pulling out one of the donuts. A pink frosted one with sprinkles. One of my favorites.

**Listen, I was okay with that spaghetti stuff, but if you think you're gonna put THAT anywhere near my mout-**

"Too late!" I mumbled, scarfing down the first donut

Oh my god, these things are 1000 times better than I remember them. It felt like heaven itself was inside my mouth. Every single ingredient worked together to provide the most amazing experience ever. No memory was able to do justice to this experience.

So I proceeded to eat 10 more. In the span of 10 seconds.

Hey, I hadn't eaten for at least 14 years, I don't really care about my 'image' right now.

**That looks, sound and probably tastes disgusting.**

"It looks, sounds, and tastes like Nirvana." I replied.

I quickly finished off the last 9 donuts and threw the bag into the recycling bin.

"Gotta save the planet!" I said to myself.

I continued walking down the boardwalk-esque city, looking for other ways to experience life to its fullest. "What do you think we should do now? We could try and find a movie theater, or we could see if there's an arcade nearby here! Or we could go to the-"

_'So, Danny, what do you wanna do now?'_

_'I don't know... Let's go see a movie! Oh, or we could go to the arcade? What do you wanna do, sweetie?'_

_'Maybe we could go to the beach?'_

I stopped straight in my tracks. My eyes widened, and my breath started to hitch in my throat. 

_'YOU BASTARDS! YOU KNOW THERE WAS RADIATION LEAKING OUT OF THAT TECH, AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN WARN ME!'_

_'D-Daniel, calm down! Even if you had know, You couldn't have done anything!'_

**Gray? Gray! What's going on? You're shaking!**

"I'M FINE! I... I'm fine. It's just more of those stupid memories. About those... monsters." I growled.

**Do you mean...**

"The Crystal Gems. They were the ones who did this to me, turned me into this... abomination of science. I have no Idea where they are now, hell for all I know they could be dead, but if I ever see them again, I'm gonna make them pay for everything they did to me."

**...**

"Sorry... I didn't mean to scare you. I just... They were the ones that took everything away from me. I keep getting memories of them, me arguing with them... And then I get memories of the life I used to have. The people I used to care about. Anyways, it seems like it's getting late. I think we should start heading back no-"

"LAPIS?!?" Someone yelled from behind me.

I whipped around to see a small little boy running up to me. He had brown, curly hair, shorts and sandals, and a red t-shirt with a star on it. He sort-of had this innocent look in his eyes, like the planet was filled to the brim with wonder.

**Steven?**

Steven, huh? That's a pretty simple name. I like the ring to it.

"Oh my goodness Lapis I haven't seen you in such a long time! It's so good to see you! How are you, are you feeling better? How's Peridot? Why are you out here all alone? Also, where'd you're other clothes go? These ones seem a little human like. And why are you wearing shoes, I thought you hat-" Steven said, rambling on and on.

"Woah! Slow down kid! One question at a time! I'm not an encyclopedia!" I exclaimed.

Steven seemed to get thoroughly confused at how I was speaking, which to be fair made pretty good sense since I don't speak anywhere near alike to how Lapis speaks.

"O-Oh... Okay. Um, how have you been? Has the weird sickness thingy gotten better?" He asked.

Sickness. He's talking about me. A sickness, some disease to be cured.

"Um... I've been doing good. I think the thing is disappearing now. I've been feeling a lot better.

**Don't you dare lie to him. Not to Steven.**

"Oh, I'm glad to hear! Last time I saw you... well, let's just say you look a lot better now! But, you're dressed really weirdly. Almost like a human, heh!" He said, chuckling at the end.

"Uh... Yeah. I just got curious about what they were like and decided to try on some clothes. They're a loooot better than my normal clothes."

"Even the shoes? I thought you hated shoes..." 

"W-Well, I did, but they're starting to grow on me."

"And why are you out here by yourself? I thought Peridot would be by you 100% of the time, since... you know, the thing that happened a few days ago." Steven said, whispering.

"Well, I just needed to do some things by myself, and I didn't really want to... hey, what do you mean a 'the thing that happened a few days ago?'" I asked.

"What, she didn't tell you? Peridot got into a huge argument with the other Crystal Gems! She said some really mean stuff to them, and then told them to leave he alone. I wanted to talk to her, but Pearl won't let me..." He responded solemly.

What.

"Kid... Steven, did you just say the Crystal Gems?" I asked, grabbing his shoulders.

"Uh, yeah? Peridot said some really mean things to them, and even left the team.  I'm sure she doesn't mean it, but I haven't talked with her in a long time. What, did she never tell you this?" He asked.

"Nope. This. Is. News. To. Me." I said, gritting my teeth. "And, you said Peridot renounced her position with them? Assuming of course, she used to be a PART of that team..."

"Y-Yeah, that's what I said!"

**STOP IT! YOU'RE SCARING HIM!**

"And, you wouldn't happen to know where the Crystal Gems are right NOW, would you?" 

"I, Uh..."

"THERE SHE IS! OFFICER, THAT'S THE ONE WHO SMACKED ME ACROSS THE FACE AND STOLE FROM THE STORE! ARREST HER!" Came a voice from down the street.

I looked up from the child's gaze to find that the employee had stuck to his word and called the cops on me. Shit.

I let go of Steven and took off running to the Warp Pad. As soon as I saw it, I jumped on top and concentrated as hard as I could.

The Barn. Countryside noises, the smell of grass and crops. I want to go to the Barn.

Take me to the Barn.

\--WARP--

**AUGH, IT HURTS!**

I slumped over myself as I leaned on one of the nearby walls of the barn, panting.

"So, hah... you and Peridot are members of the Crystal Gems?" I tried to the ask.

**I... Uh...**

"You belong to a group of people, a group of MONSTERS, who betrayed me, who hurt me, who turned me into..." I gestured to myself "THIS?!?"

**G-Gray, just calm down. I'm s-sure they didn't mean to-**

"Mean to what? Turn me into a creature of the night, AND THEN LEAVE ME FOR DEAD?!?"

**I...**

"Whatever... It doesn't matter now. What matters is that you know where they are, and how to get to them. You are gonna tell me... NOW." I snarled.

**N-No! They're my friends too! I'm not gonna let you hurt them!**

"Oh, you will. Or else, you might never get control of your body ever again..." I threatened.

**NO! Even if I never get control back, I won't let you hurt my friends!  
**

"...Okay. That's fine. You don't have to talk. There are other people who know where they are."

**What do yo-**

"Besides, I'm sure Peridot is just simply worried SICK about you right now. It would serve her some good to get a visit from you."

**No... You wouldn't...**

"I would" I slowly got up, cracking my back "and I shall."

**Nononono, wait! I'll... I'll tell you, okay! I'll lead you right to them!**

"Nope, too late now Lapis. You made your choice, now you have to live with the consequences." I said, looking around for something blunt and heavy. A large wrench spotted my eye. I bent over and picked it up, smacking it against the palm of my hand. "This'll do."

**NO PLEASE! DON'T HURT HER! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT!!**

"She's a Crystal Gems, although a former one at that. Just call whatever I do to her mercy compared to what I'll do to the Crystal Gems." I said walking towards the Barn doors.

**PLEASE! PERIDOT IS THE ONLY THING I CARE ABOUT, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!**

"I would suggest disappearing for a while now. This won't be pretty."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to point out something I'm afraid not many people will pick up on. Notice how one side-effect of M24-A (Gray) is getting horrible thoughts shoved into your mind, that seem so out of place it's almost like it's coming from a different person. Now, notice that when Gray thinks about almost the same awful things, he doesn't question them?  
> It's almost as if he's the very voice telling Lapis these awful thoughts.
> 
> Maybe without even realizing it
> 
>  
> 
> Also, this is the longest chapter I've written so far! Don't worry, I'm still gonna try and publish another one Sunday night. It just might be shorter. After all, we don't want to ruin Gray's confrontation of the Crystal Gems, do we? 
> 
> >:)


	21. Crack under pressure

_** Peridot POV ** _

I was very, very worried.

Lapis had been gone the entire day. I had tried to distract myself from that fact by working on my Corruption scanner, but my mind always seemed to wander back to her. I was extremely fidgety, and almost messed up the device because of my shaking hands.

She was acting so strange in the morning. She had this weird, wide-eyed stare and she spoke completely different than before. I was very confused the entire time I talked with her.

Then came the fact that she needed to leave for the entire day. Lapis had never left the barn since we decided that we were going to spend time together. And I even left to gather more meep-morp parts just so she wouldn't have to leave the Barn! But, if she needs to leave the Barn, she can.

_Maybe she just got tired of you. Maybe she doesn't really like you. Maybe she can't stand you anymore._

No, that can't be it. It... She said she loves me. She meant that... right?

I kept on working on the contraption in front of me. This stupid piece of Earth junk has been acting strange ever since Lapis... contracted whatever it is she has. Something just didn't add up for me.

I was hunched over the device, sitting on the Barn floor, tools I was using spread out in front of me. I had just disassembled the machine and reassembled it with better parts, but the entire event still seemed strange to me.

It can't be mere coincidence that the machine went haywire the same day Lapis started acting weird. And the levels of Corruption the machine had registered were extremely high. Something was off. And I needed to know what it was.

I rebooted the system and waited for the device to produce a log of all registered Corruption traces.

"I hope Lapis is okay. She's been out for a while now. She needs to come back soon, she still needs to take her second dose of medication today. Stars, I'm worried." I said to myself.

The device finally rebooted fully and a log of all detected Corruptions. The one that stuck out the most was the one registered today.

"See? There is no possible way a creature can be 256% Corrupted! It's just overreacting to Lapis' infect-"

Suddenly, the device blared to life, and a warning displayed on it's screen.

** WARNING: CORRUPTED ENTITY DETECTED. CORRUPTION LEVELS AT: 256% **

"Augh! This thing is straight up broken! There isn't even anyone else in the Barn but me! Stupid piece of Earth ju-"

***WHACK***

"AUGH!"

I fell to the ground, screaming in pain. The visor on my face was cracked from my face hitting the floor. Something blunt and metal hit me from the back of my head.

"Oooooh, that one's gonna leave a mark!"

I lifted my head up only to come face-to-face with Lapis, but she looked completely different. She was dressed in human clothing, her hair seemed a mess, and her face was twisted into an expression I had never seen her use before. It was like anger, but somehow much worse. And in her hand, she seemed to be holding one of the tools I used for Barn renovations.

"Wha... Lapis?" I said, my head still fuzzy from the hit.

"Hmm, what do you think, Lapis? Is she gonna be cooperative? Or do you think she needs a little more..."

***WHACK***

"AHHH!!!"

"...convincing?"

Lapis had brought the tool back down on my back, and pain seared though my body. I swear I heard something break, but I looked down to see she had hit me so hard that the floor had cracked.

"OW! LAPIS, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?"

"Here's the deal, Peridot~" She responded, "Me and my good friend Lapis need to have a little get together with the Crystal Gems. Lapis' friend Steven says you used to be a member. So you're gonna take me straight to them, and maybe just maybe, I don't hurt you as bad as I hurt them."

"Wha... I don't understand... why are you hurting me..." My whole body was starting to ache. Tears were starting to stream down my face.

"Cause, Shortstack, you were buddy-buddy with the Crystal Gems, the people who turned me into..." Lapis gestured to herself. "...this!"

"Listen, L-Lapis," I said, slowly getting up, "I know you're angry with the Crystal Gems, I am t-too! But, you don't have to hurt any-"

***CRACK***

Lapis swung the tool directly at face, knocking me back onto the floor.

"Holy Shit! I just broke a chunk a out of that stupid visor of yours!" Lapis said, chuckling

I went up to grab my forehead. The pain was spreading all throughout head and face, but the good thing is, my Gem was okay.

_Peridots were made tough. And a true Peridot doesn't go down without a fight._

"Alright, Alright. I've just about had my fun... Okay, maybe one more hit to her legs." Said Lapis.

She raised her arm again in an attempt to hit me, I used my metal powers to shoot a piece of junk directly under her legs, tripping her and knocking her onto her back.

"AUGH, FUCK!! YOU LITTLE SHIT!!" She exclaimed.

I quickly shot up from the floor and, despite my entire body hurting all over, I ran full speed outside of the barn.

I felt horrible for hurting Lapis. She was sick and whatever was forcing her to do this, it wasn't her fault. But if I had stayed any longer, my gem could have gotten cracked, and Lapis could have used me to hurt the Crystal Gems. I couldn't let that happen. Even if they might deserve it.

"I'm sorry, Lapis..." I said to myself, running deep within the woods surrounding the Barn.

By the time I was a safe distance away, from the Barn and Lapis, I started to realize the problem with my grand escape. Instead of using the Warp Pad, I ran with no direction, and now I was lost in the middle of a foreign place, badly damaged, and no way to get help.

And then I heard her.

"Oh Pipsqueak~. Come on out! I won't hurt you as badly if you come out right now? Come on Peri, it's me! Lapis!"

_That... That isn't Lapis._

It all fit together. The strange actions this morning, the device registering extreme amounts of Corruption, it all made sense. Whatever that infection was, it had taken control of Lapis. Just like the logs form the human had said.

I kept myself hidden in some shrubbery and watched this Lapis lookalike. It was still clutching the tool in its hand, and it still seemed to be looking for me.

"Listen, pipsqueak, I've been holding back because, as far as I'm concerned, Lapis was the only one who cared about me. But if you don't come out right now, I promise I am going to beat the ever-loving SHIT out of you." It threatened.

I covered my mouth, desperate not to let out the small whimpers I knew my tears would bring. Whatever this thing is, it's seems bent on shattering me. After a few moments, the thing seemed to be moving on from where I was. When it finally disappeared, I let out a sigh of relief.

Then something pulled me out of the shrubs by the hair. I let out a yelp as the doppelganger pulled me face to face.

"Found you."

"LET ME GO, YOU CLOD! AND GIVE ME BACK LAPIS! THE REAL LAPIS!" The fake Lapis dropped me on the ground. I landed on my back, completely terrified.

"Oh, Peridot. You've got me super confused right now. Since when..."

***WHACK***

"...Were you..."

***WHACK***

"...In a position..."

***WHACK***

"...To negotiate?"

***CRACK***

Oh no.

The fake had brought the tool down directly on my head, and I heard the one noise I dreaded the most.

The sound of my gem cracking.

My hands shot up to cover my gem, letting out a shriek of pain. I could feel some of the smaller shards break off.

_My thoughts started to get more and more... more.... I can't remember the word._

_Everything hurts... My body... feels heavy..._

"Aw, look at poor little Peridot. Withering on the floor. That crack doesn't look too good, does it Lapis?"

_Gem... Cracked... Need help.... Need... Steven..._

"Seems to me that little wound is gonna straight up kill you. Only people that could probably help you are the Crystal Gems."

_Crystal... Gems..._

"So here's the deal, you take me to them, and you get to live through your little head trauma."

_Being... picked up... Dragged to... Warp Pad..._

"The Crystal Gems. Take me to them. NOW."

_Okay... Need to... Concentrate... on... The Temple..._

_Please... work..._

\--WARP--

_**Lapis? POV** _

Peridot activated the Warp Pad and in an instant, we were teleported to this strange little beach house. It seemed small and quaint, a nice atmosphere.

It's a shame that atmosphere was almost drowned out by Lapis' constant screaming and crying.

**PLEASE, AUGH!!! I-IT HURTS! PLEASE, JUST STOP H-HURTING PERIDOT!!! I... I'LL COOPERATE I SWEAR!!!**

I had long since tuned her out.

As we appeared in the temple, my hand still clutched to Peridot's head, I noticed four people sitting around a small table near a corner.

One of them was the kid from earlier, Steven, I think. Another one of them was roughly the same height as Steven, but was purple and had white hair and shirt with black leggings. She seemed to have a gem tucked away under her shirt.

_'Yo, Danny! What up, dude!'_

_'Hey, Amethyst! How've you been?'_

Amethyst...

Another one was tall and kind of bulky. Her uniform was red, her hair was almost in the shape of a square, and she had reflective glasses on. She had two gems on both of her palms.

_'Daniel, you must show restraint. Science is meant to help humanity, not harm it.'_

_'Yes, Garnet...'_

Garnet...

The final figure seemed to stick out to me at me. She was a tall and lean person, with a pointed nose and hair, with a circular gem in her forehead. There was something about her that just made me indescribably angry.

_'YOU BASTARDS...'_

Wait...

_'Even if you had known, you couldn't have done anything about it!'_

She's the one who did this. She was the one who turned me into this... creature.

_'THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, PEARL!'_

Pearl...

These three monsters were the Crystal Gems. It was all their fault...

My grip on the wrench tightened while I pulled Peridot harder by the hair.

Steven had noticed that we had warped in, and he got up to wave at us, but then noticed the condition Peridot was in. His face twisted into a horrified expression, and he raced towards me and Peridot.

"Oh my goodness, Peridot! You're gem is cracked! Lapis, what happened! Why are you holding that wrench! Here, bring her closer, I'll he-"

I threw Peridot to the floor and then threw the wrench right on top of her. Steven seemed to wince in response, and all the Crystal Gems got this wide-eyed stare and instantly stood up.

**STOP THIS!! PLEASE, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HURT ANYONE!!!**

"Well, look what we have here. Three murdering deceivers and betrayers, standing right in front of me." I growled, my face set into a scowl.

"What the hell is wrong with you Lapis! Did... Did you do that to Peridot?" Asked Amethyst.

"Oh nononono, Lapis isn't home right now, she's currently on break. No, you're speaking to you perfect, little mistake brought to life."

"What are you talking about, Lapis?!?" Asked Pearl.

"Aww come on Pearl, don't tell me you don't recognize me? After all you DID to me, I thought you would be the first one to pick up on it! I mean, I did try to bring your dead gal pal back to life!"

All the Crystal Gems seemed to have an immediate response to this statement, as their faces took on a look of terror and their bodies started to shake.

"No..."

"It can't be..."

"You died..."

I finally changed me facial expression by letting a small smirk take over my face. I held out my hands to gesture towards myself.

"What's the matter, CRYSTAL SCUM?!? MISS ME?!?"


	22. Confrontation with the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE. DO NOT READ IF YOU REACT POORLY TO THIS.

_** Lapis? POV ** _

"Steven, get Peridot out of here. Now." Garnet ordered.

Steven tried to move Peridot from where she was, but before she could, I slammed my foot on her back, hear a small whimper escape from her mouth.

"No one is going anywhere right now, much less her. She's a Crystal Gem too, which means..." I ground my foot into Peridot's back. "...She deserves every kick and punch she gets. After all, she used to be a part of a group of murderers and deceivers."

"Lapis, why are you doing this?!? I t-thought you cared about Peridot?!?" Steven pleaded.

I turned my head to face him and looked him dead in the eyes.

"I think I remember Pearl bringing you up in conversation once or twice, Steven. You seem like a nice kid, so I'm giving you this chance and this chance only. Get out of here right now." I said.

"What? No, I'm not leaving Perid-"

"Steven, listen to him. Get out of here. Go to your father. This is between us and him." Pearl stated.

"But-"

"Now, Steven!"

Steven got up from his place besides Peridot and slowly backed away towards the door leading outside.

As soon as the Crystal Gems made sure he had left, they turned to face me.

"Daniel, please hand over Peridot. She had nothing to do with what happened to you. It was our fault, so you don't need to hurt her." Pleaded Garnet.

"Oh really? So, you don't like it when someone who did nothing wrong gets punished for the mistakes of others? Great, now I can add 'hypocrites' to the list of things that make you three the worst 'people' on the face of this planet." I growled. I still heard Lapis' pleas in the back of my head.

**P-Please... Just let her go...**

"...But I'm not like you guys. So you can have your little engineer back." I said, rolling Peridot over towards Amethyst.

She knelt down and grabbed Peridot, picking her up gently as to not hurt her more. Green liquid had now started leaking down her forehead from her gem. Garnet looked over to Pearl and gave her a quick nod. Pearl gave her a nod in return, before turning to Amethyst.

"Amethyst, get Peridot to Steven. We'll handle Daniel." Pearl said, drawing a long spear from the gem on her forehead. Garnet followed suit, making a large pair of gauntlets appear on her hands.

Amethyst nodded, rushing out the door with Peridot in her hands.

"Hmm, so you guys rather confront your problems with violence than conversation? Typical."

"I've already seen where this conversation is going." Said Garnet. "And you don't intend to use conversation."

I raised my hands in defeat. "Got me there." I said smugly, before charging towards the wrench on the floor.

Pearl was the first to attack, lunging forward and stabbing the spear near me in a hope to stop me from grabbing the wrench. I was faster (or rather, Lapis was) and grabbed the wrench, sweeping her legs out with my own.

Pearl fell backwards, while I leaped up and weaved my way around Garnet who, while I was grabbing the wrench, tried to throw a punch at the back of my head.

"Wow, this body's got some pep to it!" I said to myself, before ramming the wrench into the back of Garnet's head, causing her to groan and stumble forwards.

I heard Pearl jump to her feat behind me, so I whipped around only to find her thrusting her spear right at me. I slid to the side and brought the wrench down right on her hand, causing her to yelp and drop her weapon.

"You guys rely so much on your weird alien weapons that you forgot the novelty of good ol' fashion BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA!!!" I yelled before slamming the wrench directly into Pearl's nose. Her hands shot up to her face, shrieking in pain.

Unfortunately, while I was getting sweet revenge, Garnet came up behind me and grabbed me, pinning my arms to my sides. I struggled against her, but before I could break free, Garnet chucked me out of the beach house's window, out into the cold, dark outside.

**_*CRASH*_ **

I hit the ground roughly, and that was the first time I felt pain while controlling Lapis, and it was an eye opening experience. As in, my eyes widened as I screamed as loud as I could. 

It felt like the entirety of my body was on fire. And that was when I realized that, not matter how angry I was or how hard I fought, I was going to lose against the Crystal Gems. They outmatch me in brute strength and coordination alone, even if I was more agile like this. 

In other words: I was going to lose, and it was going to be 10 times more painful than being thrown out of a window.

I slowly flipped onto my back only to see Garnet leaping from the window, her fists closing the distance between my face at rapid speeds. I closed my eyes and stuck my hands out in front of me in a vain attempt to protect my face.

"OH GOD NO, WAIT!!!" I screamed. However, upon doing this, I felt something surge through my body. Whatever it was, it felt powerful

I braced myself for whatever pain Garnet's fist would inflict, but it never came. Then I heard grunts of anger, struggling noises, and... water?

I slowly opened my eyes to find an extraordinary sight.

Garnet had been restrained in mid-air by chains made completely out of water. The pressure made by them was strong enough to even subdue Garnet. I laid there in awe, wondering how and why they appeared, when it hit me.

I made those chains appear. Lapis can control water. I can control water.

**Wha... H-How did you figure out my powers...**

I moved my arms from side to side, watching as the water chains mirrored my movements, moving Garnet around like a rag doll.

Then I had an idea.

I slowly formed a fist with my hands, and tightened my grip. And the chains around Garnet tightened, making her struggle and groan in pain.

Now we're on even playing fields. Now I'm not going to lose.

Now I'm going to win.

Suddenly, I heard a battle cry as Pearl leaped through the window, spear in hand. I reacted instinctively and, using my new found water powers, flung Garner at Pearl, causing them both to collide and fall to the ground.

"Amazing..." I whispered to myself.

I slowly got up from the ground and looked around at my immediate surroundings. We seemed to be in front of a gigantic cliff side, situated on a beach. Rocks and boulders littered the area, and to my right I could see... Beach City?

"You idiot. You were literally right next to them TWICE and you didn't even notice." I said under my breath.

I directed my attention back to the Crystal Gems. Garnet was helping Pearl back to her feet, and they looked like they were getting ready to attack me again. I turned to face them, ready to test out my new abilities, when I felt something wrap around my me painfully. I looked down to find a black whip with purple shards was currently digging into leg.

"Well, shit..."

I suddenly felt myself being flung several hundred feet into the air and then rapidly pulled down towards the ground.

"FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!" I screamed, waiting for the inevitable pain to hit me when I hit the ground.

***SLAM***

I hit the ground hard, and I felt my senses light up with aching pain. I yelled and clutched the arm I had unfortunately landed on. I looked up to see that the whip that had just whooped my ass belonged to a very angry looking Amethyst.

"You hurt our friend, you little bastard." She growled.

Using her whip, Amethyst threw me into the cliff side, causing my body to sear with pain again. I slid down the side I had hit, dropping to the ground.

I slowly got to my feet, steadying myself on a nearby rock.

"You're awfully silent back there." I groaned, trying to coax Lapis into helping me. "You do realize if they kill me, they kill you too. It's your body."

**I'd rather die then help you shatter my friends.**

"And how do you think Peridot will feel knowing the Crystal Gems killed her Barnmate?"

**...**

Amethyst shot the whip towards me in an effort to grab me, but I grabbed the whip before it could wrap around me again. Then, concentrating as hard as I could, I formed a giant water hand behind her.

"If she's your friend, I think I did her a favor. You would've hurt her eventually. Better me than you." I said, before slamming the water hand into Amethyst. She realized one moment to late and was punched directly into the ground.

"Stop this needless violence, Daniel! We can find a cure for you, but you need to give up! What you're doing to Lapis is wrong!" Shouted Pearl.

I whipped my head to face her before using my powers to shoot pellets of water at her. She tried to block them using her spear but while she was distracted I ran up to her and rammed into her side, making her slam into the ground.

"So you're gonna lecture me on what's right and wrong? If I recall correctly, you wanted me to destroy this planet's resources more in a vain attempt to bring your crush back." I said before grabbing her head by her hair and slamming it back into the ground over and over again.

I heard heavy footsteps rapidly approaching me, and before I could react, a punch to my back threw me high up into the air.

I was falling, fast. And I had no way to stop my rapidly increasing velocity.  I knew I was durable, but not that durable. And this is what was going to do me in.

"Nonononono!!! Not like this!!" I yelled shutting my eyes tight.

Suddenly, a very painful sensation radiated from my back, and then a ripping noise followed by an extremely liberating sensation flowed through me. I felt myself be yanked by the back and and my fall stopped. I opened my eyes to find myself levitating only a few feet above the ground.

"Wha..."

I looked behind me to see who or what had stopped me from falling. And was in awe at what I saw.

From my back had sprouted two gray, bat-like wings currently keeping me from hitting the ground. They didn't appear to be solid, but much more like liquid, gooey and almost squirming in nature. These were completely unlike the wings Lapis had shown me. No....  _ **I**_  made these wings.

**What did you do...**

"What was necessary. You wouldn't help, fine. I'll help myself." I responded, slowly lowering myself to the ground. I felt the wings slowly tuck themselves away under the ripped sweatshirt, before feeling something warm and viscous crawl down my arm. I lifted it up to see that the same goo that comprised my wings, that comprised ME, slither its way out from under my sleeve. It curled and moved around my upper arm and hand, before it slowly started to spread around both.

I waited to see what the goo was going to do, when suddenly it quickly tightened around my arm before forming and solidifying into a brand new form.

A large, gleaming, SHARP blade, about the size of my leg. I shimmered in the moonlight, the material reflecting it and making the blade seem even sharper and deadlier.

"I take back what I said. This is definitely better than a wrench." I said, carefully observing the blade.

Before I had enough time to process what was happening, more heavy footsteps approached behind me, and when I spun around to see what was attacking me now, I saw a large fist heading straight for my face. I shot the blade up in a desperate attempt to protect myself, only to hear sounds rock cracking and a gasp.

The blade was sharp enough that it lodged itself in Garnet's gauntlet, and stopped any danger from actually reaching me. Before Garnet could react and I could stay stupidly in awe, I reacted and slammed a water fist directly into Garnet's stomach, knocking her back into a pile of rocks.

"This evens out the playing field, doesn't it Lapis?"

**...**

"Fine, stay silent. It makes it easier for me to work with your powers."

I finally devoted my full attention to the Crystal Gems. All of them looking determined, holding their weapons with purpose, but behind those facades, I could see the terror in their eyes.

"Just think of it like this, Lapis. I'm doing this world a justice by getting rid of these monsters." I said, confidence in my voice, and my face gleaming with a threatening smile.

**_ Peridot POV _ **

Darkness.

All I could see was darkness.

I don't know what was going on, but everything was oddly peaceful. Like, there were no worries left in the world. I wanted to stay in this comforting feeling forever, but something kept pulling me away from the feeling.

" _...Per...ot..._ "

I just wanted to forget about all that was happening around me. I don't even remember anything before this moment. 

Did I?

There had to be something before this... Right?

" _Peridot... Please..._ "

No... There was something before this.

The comfortable feeling started to disappear, being replaced by a bubble of panic.

_There was pain. My gem was cracked. Is it still cracked? The Crystal Gems were there, I was at the temple. Someone was holding me. Lapis was holding me, but she wasn't normal. Something was wrong with her._

_Lapis was in trouble._

"PERIDOT, WAKE UP PLEASE!!"

I jolted up from the spot where I was laying down, gasping and trying to calm myself down. My hand instinctively shot up to my forehead, checking to make sure my gem was okay.

It was perfectly fine.

I let out a sigh of relief and turned to face who was shouting at me. It was none other than Steven, the only Crystal Gem I still trusted. He seemed like a complete mess. His hair was messier than usual, his eyes were red and puffy, still pouring with tears. When he realized I was okay, he pulled me into a tight hug.

"PERIDOT, YOU'RE OKAY!!! OH MY GOODNESS, I WAS SO WORRIED YOUR GEM WAS CRACKED AND I TRIED TO HEAL YOU AND I THOUGHT IT WORKED BUT THEN YOU WOULDN'T WAKE UP AND I'M JUST SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY!!!" He yelled, sobbing into my shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'm okay now. You saved me." I said quietly, rubbing his back and trying to calm him down.

Steven slowly let go and wiped his tears. 

"O-Okay... I'm really glad you're okay." He said softly, still on the verge of tears.

I looked around my immediate surroundings in order to figure out where I was. It appeared I was in a human house, similar to the temple, but much smaller. I seemed to be sitting down on a couch, covered in a very warm blanket. I clutched the blanket around my neck, keeping myself comfortable.

"Steven, where are we? Where are the Crystal Gems? Where's Lapis?" I asked, starting to panic again.

"Don't worry, Miss Peridot, you're at my house. Amethyst came by to drop you off before running out the door. I don't know where she went, but I'm sure her and the other Crystal Gems are fine." Responded Steven's friend Connie, who just entered the room carrying a cup of juice. She handed the cup to Steven before sitting down next to him. 

"It's not them I'm worried about." I said grimly, remembering Lapis' current predicament.

I slowly started to get up, determined to go out and find Lapis, but when I finally stood up, I legs wobbled and I almost fell. Steven and Connie jumped up and and slowly lowered me down back onto the the couch.

"Peridot, you're in no condition to move right now! Just stay here and rest. Amethyst said she would be back soon." Steven reassured.

"Steven, you don't understand. Lapis and the Crystal Gems are both in grave danger if I don't find them!" I said, still panicking.

"Why don't you explain to us what's going on with Lapis, then we can make a decision on what to do. Steven was very confused and worried about the condition you arrived in and the way Lapis was treating you." Connie suggested.

"Okay..." I sighed.

And so I sat there. Explaining every possible detail I knew, from the appearance of Gray to Lapis' strange behavior this morning, to the way she... hurt me.

"Oh my goodness..." Steven whimpered, tears threatening to leave his eyes. I looked over to Connie to see she was equally distressed.

"And I think whatever is controlling Lapis is planning on hurting the Crystal Gems." I stated.

"W-We can't just let them fight something that dangerous alone!" Yelled Connie, before leaping up and racing towards the back of the house.

"Steven, Connie's right. If we let the Crystal Gems go up against Lapis in her current condition, they're gonna lose, Lapis might get hurt, and who knows what she'll do next." I stated. Lapis was usually very reserves when it came to using her powers in battle, but whatever this thing was didn't have the same inhibitions or fears as she did, and wouldn't hold back.

"But Amethyst said it was too dangerous and that I should stay here with you to make sure you're okay." Steven said, looking very uncertain and very afraid.

"Steven, if we listened to the Gems every time they said something was 'too dangerous', they would be shattered at this point. They need us!" Connie said, returning with a large pink sword.

"But..."

"Steven," I said, putting my hands on his shoulders "the Crystal Gems need us. Lapis needs us."

"O-Okay. Okay! Let's go help the out!" Steven said, jumping to his feet.

I slowly got up like last time, but now strength had finally returned to my legs. I stood, slightly wobbly, but then stable.

"Now, let's go save the Crystal Gems!" Exclaimed Connie.

We ran down the streets of Beach City only to see there was no life anywhere. All the shops were closed and locked up and all the houses had their lights off.

"I guess Amethyst let everyone know there was something happening." Steven said, panting from all the running.

Suddenly, the ground started to shake violently before a loud shriek that was definitely Pearl pierced the silence. We ran faster, finally reaching the beach and cliff that housed the Temple. Before we could even take in our surroundings, Amethyst slammed down right in front of us, a water tendril wrapped around her leg, looking badly damaged and very terrified. Steven yelled in fright and then knelt down to try and help Amethyst.

"Amethyst, what happened?!? Here, let me help you up!!" Steven said, grabbing her hand.

"Augh, S-Steven? Steven, what are you doing here, it's too dangroAHHH!!!" Amethyst tried to finish her statement, but before she could, the tendril yanked her back up into the air before slamming her into the ground on the other end of the beach.

We finally took the surrounding chaos that enraptured the beach. Amethyst was being flung like a piece of trash from side to side, Garnet was struggling against what appeared to be the tight grasp of water chains, and Pearl was desperately fighting against Lapis with her spear.

_Lapis..._

This pale imitation of Lapis looked nothing like the Gem I cared about in her current state. The human clothes it wore were ripped and tattered, her face was twisted into a terrifying glare. But the arm... something gray had wrapped itself around it and formed a very large and obviously dangerous looking blade. 

The fake Lapis was viciously attacking Pearl with its blade. Pearl made desperate attempts at blocking  and trying to get a hit in, but the fake moved with such speed and vigor that Pearl couldn't keep up. Eventually, it got the drop on her and wrapped its fingers around her throat, positioning the blade right in front of her gem.

I saw a glow of light out of the corner of my eye and the sound of a sword unsheathing before looking over to see that Steven and Connie had fused into Stevonnie. Her face was set in a determined look.

"Help the other Crystal Gems, get them to safety. We'll take care of Lapis." She said grimly.

I nodded and with that, she took off running, shoving the fake Lapis violently to the ground.

I turned my attention to Amethyst first, running up to her after the water tendril had disappeared, most likely due to the lack of concentration. I quickly helped her to her feet and, supporting her weight on my shoulder, led her over to the underside of the Temple. I set her down against one of the more comfortable-looking rocks before rushing off to Garnet, doing the same (although with more difficulty.) After I made sure they were safely tucked away, I checked for any injuries to their gems. Luckily, they were perfectly safe. However, the same could not be said for their physical forms. They looked like, as Amethyst said once, 'looked like they had their asses handed to them.'

"Stay here. You guys are in no condition to fight anymore. Me, Steven, and Connie will deal with Lapis."

"N-No... You can't... She's too..." Amethyst tried to say, but I quieted her.

"Rest. I know Lapis is strong, but we're stronger, and we're a team. We can take her." I said.

"Peridot... Don't let him get the drop on you guys. It won't end well for anyone." Garnet said with an air of mystery. I perfectly understood what she meant. This was not advice, but a warning. 

About the future.

I gave a nod of understanding and rushed off to assist Stevonnie, but judging by the scene before me, it seemed like she didn't need it. Stevonnie matched the faker's speed and agility and had fighting skills to spare. Pearl was leaning against her spear, struggling to stay awake. I quickly ran over to her and lead her to the same place the others were, before hearing a loud scream. Which was clearly not Stevonnie's.

I rushed over to where I last saw them only to see that Stevonnie had fake Lapis pinned up against a rock, its arm twisted very painfully and unnaturally behind its back.

"We got you, Lapis. Give up. I don't know what's come over you, but if you stop we can helped you." Ordered Stevonnie.

The fake Lapis kept struggling, not acknowledging the statement Stevonnie just made. It was strange. I never thought Lapis was weaker than Stevonnie, but this scene just proves that statement wrong.

"Don't try reasoning with it, it's not the real Lapis." I said, looking it sternly in the eyes. "I do hope you realize the dangerous position that you're in right now. Give me back my Lapis, the REAL Lapis, and we may not hurt you as bad as we'd like."

The fake Lapis turned to face me, its face contorted in pain. But... something twinged behind its eyes. 

"Peridot... Please make it stop..." It said.

"Wha..."

"Please, Peridot its me! I can't take the pain! Please its me, Lapis! I can't take it." The fake struggled.  _Or... was it really the fake?_

Even if it wasn't the real Lapis, it sure looked like her. She looked like she was in such pain right now, and I swore I could see tears start welling up in her eyes. I hurt to see her like that. Lapis was usually so laid back and happy, nothing like the Gem before me.

"Peri... Please. Make it stop... Peridot, I love you please..." She begged.

"Lapis, if you can hear me I'm sorry. I'm going to have to poof and bubble you until we can figure out what's going on with you." Stevonnie said, reaching for her sword.

_No... I can't let that happen. Who knows what's going to happen if Lapis poofs in her current condition. What if it's painful. What if she doesn't come back?!?_

"No..." 

Stevonnie raised her sword and pointed it at Lapis' back.

"NO, WAIT STOP!!! DON'T DO THIS!!" I yelled, my hands shooting out to try and stop Stevonnie.

Unfortunately, this sudden burst of emotion caused me to accidentally activate my powers and hit Stevonnie on the side of her head with the tool the fake Lapis was using before.  She yelped, let go of Lapis, and clutched her head. Lapis fell over onto her face with a groan, shutting her eyes. I rushed over to her to make sure she was okay.

"LAPIS?!? LAPIS, ARE YOU OKAY?!?" I said, trying to shake her awake.

Suddenly, her eyes shot open, and a hand clutched tightly around my neck. She slowly stood up, still clutching me, and started to chuckle.

" Oh,  _Peri_... You really are too fucking gullible." Lapis said, aiming her blade at my Gem. I struggled to escape her grip, but it was no use. She was going to shatter me. I let out a small whimper.

"Lapis... Please don't do this..." I pleaded.

"Goodbye, Peridot. I'll tell Lapis you'll miss her." She said grimly.

Suddenly, Lapis let out an ear-piercing scream as she let go of me. As I fell to the ground coughing, I looked up and saw what had happened. Stevonnie had plunged her sword straight through Lapis' shoulder. 

"NO, LAPIS!!!!" I screamed.

I thought she was going to poof, but suddenly, she let out an angered growl before twisting around, pulling the sword out of her shoulder with a yell, before whipping around behind Stevonnie.

"I told you to leave, kid. But you didn't listen." Lapis said grimly. "You wanna be a Crystal Gem? Then I'll fucking TREAT YOU LIKE ONE!!"

***SHINK***

***CRACK***

Stevonnie slowly looked down to see the gray blade had completely pierced her stomach. 

_Directly through her gem._

The blade was still covered with blood and gem shards, slowly dripping off the sharp edge.

"N-NO, STEVEN!!!" She screamed.

Suddenly, she unfused, with Connie being violently thrown to one side, yelling. Steven was still there, clutching to the blade to keep himself propped up, as it was now digging into him. His face was leaking tears and portrayed real pain.

"You take from me, I take from you..." Lapis said, before violently unsheathing the blade and letting Steven fall to the floor.

"S-Steven..." I stuttered.

Lapis turned around, and I got a clear view of her gem. The eye in the middle looked violently more pronounced, with small gray tendrils escaping from it and wrapping around the actual gem.

"That actually give me and idea... Don't worry Crystal Gems, the worse is yet to come." Lapis said grimly, before sprouting two gigantic, leathery, gray wings from the eye and flying away.

Connie was the first one to react, rushing towards the place where Steven was laying down. She clutched him tightly, tears pouring down her eyes as she propped his head up with her arm. I stood there paralyzed.

_You let that happen. It's all your fault._

"STEVEN! OH MY GOD, NO THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" She screamed, trying to cover the wound over his gem, only managing to cover her hand in blood and shards. "PLEASE, TELL ME WHAT TO DO!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!" 

Steven started cough violently, blood starting to leak from his mouth.  _"C-Connie..."_  He whimpered.

Then the Crystal Gems came running.

"NO, STEVEN!!!!" Yelled Pearl, running up to the small child before kneeling beside him, also trying to stop the blood. She also placed her hand on his cheek. The other Crystal Gems were close behind. Garnet looked terrified, and Amethyst was bawling her eyes out.

_Garnet tried to warn you. And you didn't listen. How could you be so stupid? Now Steven's going to die._

Finally I managed to move closer to Steven, my entire body shaking.

I looked down at the terrified human. His entire face seemed pale, his eyes were puffy and bloodshot, and blood was pouring out of his mouth. The Crystal Gems were all yelling, desperately trying to save him. But I wasn't focused on what they were saying. I was focused on his wound.

It was a large gash directly through his stomach, blood was oozing from it, and it looked terrifying. But that's not what I was focused on.

Because I swore I saw gray tendrils moving from within the gem. They were so small, you wouldn't see them unless you were really paying attention.

_Don't let it touch you..._

Steven was starting to shake. He had long since stopped sobbing, but rather adopted a wide-eyed, painful and afraid look.

_"P-Pearl... It hurts.... Am I dying?"_  He asked softly.

"No, Steven you're not going to die! Amethyst, quick, try moving his tears onto his gem! Maybe he'll heal!" Pearl shouted.

The tendrils were no longer contained to the wound. They were slowly starting to seep out from under Pearl's and Connie's hand, wrapping around his gem.

I still couldn't speak, I was still so shocked.

Amethyst tried moving the tears, but there was no effect. His wound still remained.

"I-It's not working!!" Amethyst shouted. "IT'S NOT FUCKING WORKING!!!"

The tendrils were now starting to wrap around each other. Then, gray goo started filling up the wound. Steven's eyes rolled up into the back of his head. The yelling and panicking only increased.

"His gem..." I muttered so softly no one heard it. Steven's eyes closed shut. Chaos had completely enveloped the seen.

The goo seemed to be shifting. It was forming something.

"His gem. Steven's gem. HIS GEM, THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIS GEM!!!" I yelled as loud as I could.

It was too late. The infection had already spread. It was apparent from what the goo had formed.

A solid grey eye, filling up the entirety of the wound.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't wait till the weekend.
> 
> I'm sorry.


	23. The monster on the hill

_**Lapis POV** _

**Concentrate.**

**That's** **all** **I** **had to worry about.**

**I** **don't** **need to** **focus** **on anything.**

**I** **don't** **need to focus on** **Gray** **or** **anything** **he says to me.**

**I** **don't** **need** **to focus on the things he did** **to** **the Crystal Gems.**

**I** **don't** **need to focus... on Steven.**

**I just. Need. To concentrate.**

**I knew we were flying far, farther** **than** **anywhere** **I** **had seen before.** **But that was about as much as** **I** **was aware of my immediate surroundings.**

**I** **wasn't** **even** **concentrating** **on my physical form,** **leaving** **me nothing** **more** **than a** **voice** **in the back of** **Gray's** **head. That didn't matter, what mattered was concentration.**

**Gray was weak, fighting against the Crystal Gems did my body no favors. And it was quickly becoming apparent. His eyes were struggling to stay wide, and his mouth was hanging open. He probably didn't have enough willpower left to keep control, and I was betting on that.**

**And just like that, it snapped.**

"H-Hey... I don't feel s-so good..."  **Gray stuttered, trying to keep his (or rather MY) eyes open.**  "L-Lapis... What the h-hell are you doing b-back the..."

**He couldn't even finish his sentence before he went completely limp and plummeted into the nearby hillside with a large crash.**

**The giant wings he had formed quickly disappeared, as well as the blade. I soon saw Gray's actual form shoot out of my body, stumbling backwards before falling.**

**"W-What the hell happened?" He asked, surprised.**

**Now's my chance.**

**I quickly re-assumed my physical form and rushed over to my body, and quickly took back control.**

_Control..._

I quickly shot up from the ground, hacking and coughing up dirt and spit. I had severely underestimated how much damage the Crystal Gems did to me, as my entire body ached all over, the pain was almost unbearable. My senses slowly started returning to, and I started to let heavy streams of tears pour out of my eyes. The clouds above me were starting to form into a terrible storm, and the ocean in front of me was becoming violently choppy.

"Y-You... Y-You killed him... You KILLED Steven. He was only a kid. YOU JUST MADE ME KILL A CHILD, MY FRIEND!!" He sobbed.

**O-Oh come off it, Lazuli. You did jack shit to help me. I'm t-the one who made the cut...**

I whipped my head and twisted my face into an angered glare. "DO YOU EVEN FEEL ANY REMORSE?!? YOU JUST MADE ME FIGHT MY OWN FRIENDS, THE PERSON I LOVED, AND MADE ME KILL A CHILD, AND ALL YOU CAN DO HIS BICKER ABOUT HELP?!?" I screamed.

**YOU DON'T THINK I REGRET IT?!? I JUST KILLED A CHILD, LAPIS!! I'M NOT A MONSTER!! BUT I DID WHAT WAS RIGHT!!! ONE LESS CRYSTAL GEM IN THE WORLD IS BETTER FOR EVERYONE!! THEY'RE MONSTERS!!!**

"AND YOU'RE NOT?!? YOU JUST KILLED SOMEONE, YOU HURT OTHERS WITH OUT REMORSE, AND YOU'RE DOING HORRIBLE THINGS TO MY MIND AND BODY!!! YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS THE PEOPLE YOU DESCRIBED!!!" I slowly started to get up, my legs almost giving out. Everything was fuzzy and wrong. It was like I wasn't really... adjusted to my own body.

_To my own body._

Gray seemed to startle at this statement, but his look grew more determined.

**...So what if I am? So what if I'm a monster? The Crystal Gems made me into this... thing. I AM a monster, and I can't change that. But that's what's needed to beat even worse monsters. I'm a necessary evil. And why should I deny what I really am?**

"Necessary evil? NECESSARY EVIL?!? YOU'RE A DISGUSTING CREATURE!!! SOMETHING TO BE FORGOTTEN, BUT WHAT YOU DID WILL LEAVE SCARS FOREVER?!? CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!?" I snarled back.

**You and I both know that won't ever happen. It's scientifically impossible. But okay, you want ME to leave you alone? Fine. There's nothing left for me here anyways. I don't even know if my family is still around anymore. But before I disappear for good, you're gonna help me.**

"Why. Would I. EVER do that." I said, gritting my teeth.

**Cause you're in no position to resist. You're already too weak to keep control of your own body, much less fight against a what little resistance I need to take back control. I'm giving you chance to get your life back. DON'T let it go to waste. All I'm asking you to do is help me get back at the Crystal Gems.**

"I would rather shatter into a million pieces than help you lay another finger on them." Thunder roared through the sky, and it started to lightly rain.

**That's not what I'm asking. Did you catch a glimpse at how distraught they were after we killed just one person. ONE! They felt a fraction of all the pain I felt before I died. Now imagine that, one hundredfold. That's the kind of payback I was talking about. And the best part is, you don't have to do anything to the Crystal Gems themselves! I would be doing all the work, and the Crystal Gems would be left behind in the aftermath. No fighting, yet all of the pain and then some.**

"Wha..." It was getting hard to stay awake. My gem feels so heavy right now.

**Let's drown Beach City. Take it all away from them. The people would blame them for not protecting their cities, the hundreds of people that died. The Crystal Gems would be destroyed that their own mistakes lead to this. They'd finally feel the weight, the consequences, of their mistakes. And that hurts more than any cut or wound: Not being able to save someone you could have.**

"No... I'm a Crystal Gem too. I'll never hurt the planet ever again..."

**OH COME ON, LAPIS!! You're not a Crystal Gem, you're one of their victims! Trapped in a mirror, trapped at the bottom of the ocean, all because of them! Wouldn't you like to get your revenge on them?**

"THEY'RE MY FRIENDS!!! I'LL NEVER HELP YOU!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Lightning flashed through the sky.

**I AM GIVING YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO SAVE YOUR FRIENDS BECAUSE I FEEL SOME SEMBLANCE OF PITY AND REMORSE FOR YOU!!! BUT IF YOU WANT ME TO DESTROY ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING IN MY WAY, THEN I AM MORE THAN HAPPY TO GO BACK AT THE CRYSTAL GEMS.**

I chuckled softly to myself. "They'll win. They know all your tricks, all your moves, and all your powers, except now they're angry. They'll win, and shatter us to pieces."

Gray seized up at this statement, like the truth had painfully been stabbed through his heart.

"Heh, we're trapped in a corner now. You can bite, and slash, and kick all you want. They'll put us down, like animals."

Gray looked extremely indecisive, like he was fighting against all logic to find a way out. But then something... changed. And a smirk enveloped his face.

**So, we're animals, huh? Well, if we're the predators, then that would make Peridot the very, very meek prey.**

My whole body froze up at that statement.

**Yes, maybe the Crystal Gems could kill us, they're experienced. But Peridot? A weakling like her would crack right down the middle with only a few good hits and a well times slash.**

"N-No... Not her, she didn't do anything..."

**See, the Crystal Gems don't REALLY care about you. They probably haven't cared about anyone except that one kid since their leader died. Peridot, however, does care. And due to all the crying and screaming, it seems you care about her too. So if you won't do it for your so-called "friends", do it for her. To put it in simpler terms.**

He stretched out his hand towards me, tempting me to take his offer.

**If you help me, I won't hurt the little pipsqueak you seem to care** **_soooo_ ** **much about.**

I can't fight against him. I'm already to weak to move, much less struggle against him. There's no way out.

This is it.

This is how I die.

The storm picked up it's intensity, swirling around us

**You don't understand, you never could. They took away everything from me. My life, my family, everything I worked to create and preserve. They don't care. They never did. So I'll take the one thing the care about, the one thing they swore to protect.**

"Please..." I begged, "don't make me do this, I can't do this again. I can't..."

I didn't want to hurt Peridot, but no matter what choice I made, I knew somehow she would end up paying the price.

**There is no way out of this, Lazuli. You can either help me and I won't hurt those who** **_claim_ ** **to care about you, or I take back control by force and destroy everything in sight.**

There's nothing I can do. It's over. We lost. I'm tired of fighting only to lose in the end. I'm tired.

I just want it to end

**So, what'll it be, Lapis?**

...

I slowly raised my hand and shook his.

"You won't hurt her. You have to promise me that. You won't hurt any of them. And when we're done, you'll shatter us against the sharpest rock you can find, so you never hurt anyone again."

A sickeningly sweet smile overtook Gray's face as he shook my hand.

**My word is as good as gold.**

He took a few steps back before shoving me out of my body. It was so easy to give up control.

_So easy._ _.._

"I expect you to cooperate without question."  **He said, slowly getting up.**  "Now, we need a place where your powers can create a tidal wave large enough to wipe Beach City of the map. Any ideas?"

**I thought for a moment. A large wave would need to start small, so we would have to start it somewhere far enough way from Beach City but still relatively close.**

**....**

**_"The Galaxy Warp. It's a little ways off the shore, but far enough so that we can create a big wave."_ **

"Hmm... that'll work. Can you direct us to this 'Galaxy Warp?'"

**_"...yes."_ **

**Gray slowly spread those leathery wings from his back, and gave them a quick stretch.**

"Well, then. Let's get going."

**I'm sorry Peridot.**

**Forgive me.**


	24. In the darkness, find the light.

_**Peridot POV** _

Everyone stopped screaming. Nobody dared to make a sound. They were all staring at Steven.

He had gone completely still. He didn't  move, he didn't speak. The only way you would have known he wasn't dead was the slight breaths that escaped his mouth.

The eye just kept... staring. A constant reminder that we were to late.

"S-Steven? Steven, can you hear me?" Pearl asked softly, still clutching his body close to him. "Steven, please wake up."

I kept my distance from the group. I was still afraid that if I got too close, they'd lash out at me.

_After all, it's my fault._

"Steven, please wake up. You can't be gone. Please, Steven come back to us." Tears kept on pouring from Pearl's eyes.

**_*Twitch*_ **

Steven's hand made a slight movement. I seemed to be the only one who caught it.

_***Twitch*** _

His hand moved again. This time, Connie had seen it too.

"P-Pearl, look! His hand, it moved!" She shouted.

Everyone immediately focused on Steven's hand, looking for any sign to indicate he was still alive.

His hand slowly clenched into a fist.

Everyone's eyes started to widen.

"Steven, it's us! It's your family, please Steven! Wake up!" Pearl said, holding him tighter.

"Come on, Steven! You can do it! We're all right here!" Shouted Amethyst.

Steven's eyes shifted under his eyelids. He moved and wiggled slightly in Pearl's grasp.

"Steven, please wake up. Come on, you clod. I still have to return the favor for you helping me. Please..." I quietly begged.

Suddenly, his eyes shot open.

_Oh stars._

His eyes were completely gray. There were no irises, no pupils. Just gray.

Everyone let out a gasp.

"S-Steven?" Pearl asked.

Steven let out a groan and started to struggle within Pearl's grasp.

" _L-let... Me... Go..._ "

Connie tried to get closer to him, but before she could, Steven whipped his head around and let out a low growl towards her. When she backed away in fear, the growl turned into a whimper.

" _Don't... Get near... Something's... wrong..._ " He whispered.

He kept struggling against Pearl's grip, which only made her hold him tighter. Garnet reached out to help Pearl by putting her hand on Steven's chest. However, when she did, Steven let out a screech of pain, causing Garnet to jump back and Pearl to let go out of fear.

Steven, seeing that he was released, shot up and stumbled his way away from the group, clutching his stomach and groaning in pain. The Crystal Gems kept their distance out of fear of hurting him more

"S-Steven?" Connie asked.

Suddenly, a large, pink glow erupted from his gem, and his head whipped back as his eyes slammed shut. He screamed in pain as the glow only got brighter and brighter.

Until it abruptly stopped.

Steven collapsed to the ground, his hand leaving his stomach.

Pearl was the first one to move, rushing over and pulling Steven close to her. The rest of us slowly made our way towards him, hesitant to see what happened.

"Steven? Steven, are you okay?" Pearl asked, lightly shaking him.

I looked down towards his gem, seeing what exactly had happened to him. When I saw, I let out a small gasp.

His gem was completely healed. The infection was nowhere in sight. He had completely destroyed or expelled the infection.

Steven's eyelids fluttered before filling opening. We all 'held our breath', waiting to see his eyes.

They were normal, completely normal.

"P-Pearl?" He whispered.

"STEVEN!" Pearl yelled, before pulling him into a tight hug. The rest of us quickly joined in, hugging him in a tight embrace before letting tears fall from our eyes (Even Garnet!).

Steven's let out a breathy laugh before hugging everyone back, letting out small sobs and pink tears fall from his eyes.

_Wait, pink tears?_

I looked up to focus more on the tears that were falling from his eyes. Gone were the clear tears he used to shed, these ones were a light pink and almost pulsed with light.

"OH MY STARS, STEVEN!! WE THOUGHT WE LOST YOU!!! DON'T YOU EVER GO CHARGING INTO DANGER LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!!! OH MY GOODNESS, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY!!" Pearl shouted, tightening her hold on him.

Steven let out a small chuckle that turned into sob. "I-I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to... *sob* I'M SO SORRY!" He shouted, sobbing into Pearl's shoulder.

We all stayed there for a while, clutching on to him, surrounded by tears of joy and displays of remorse.

Slowly, we all let go of Steven to let him breath, but still staying close.

I finally spoke up on what was bothering me. "Steven, you're tears. They're pink..."

Steven lifted his hand to touch his face, and when he pulled it back to look at it, the pink tears covered his hand, dripping off onto the sand.

"Wha... I don't get it. Why are they pink? Pearl, do you know why?" He asked.

"Well, I... Um, I guess..." Pearl struggled to find a reasonable answer. "I... actually don't know. Rose never had PINK tears. Maybe the wound did something to them..."

A look of panic overtook Steven's face. "I-Is there something wrong with them? Is something going to happen to me? Do you think something's going to happen to my powers, like Mom's tears?"

Wait...

Something clicked in my head. Of course, why didn't I think of this before! The rapid healing of his gem, the pink tears, it all makes sense.

"Steven... I think your tears are the cure for Lapis infection."

Everyone went silent.

"Wh...What?" He said.

I ran up to him and hugged him as hard as I can.

"STEVEN! YOU'RE THE CURE!! HOLY SMOKES, STEVEN THIS IS GREAT!!"

"Hang on, Peridot. According to you, the infection had no cure. And according to those research notes and audio logs, Daniel tried everything. So how can Steven possibly be the cure? We already tried giving Daniel tears from Rose's fountain and that didn't work."

"You don't understand! I believe that Steven's gem combined with the infection to amplify his powers and create these sort of 'super tears'. This could be the cure to save Lapis!"

"Peridot, are you sure about this? How can you even tell?" Amethyst asked.

"I... I can't. But it can't be mere coincidence that STEVEN was the only one to beat this. We have to try... This could be Lapis' only hope..." I begged.

"Peridot, I trust you. If you honestly believe this could be a possible cure, we'll try it. After all, we failed Daniel because we gave up hope. You obviously haven't." Garnet said, kneeling down and putting her hand on my shoulder. "I believe in you. WE believe in you."

The other Crystal Gems nodded in agreement.

"Okay... if we're gonna save Lapis, I'm gonna need to do this alone."

Everyone's eyes widened. Steven spoke up. "P-Peridot, we can't let you do that! All the Crystal Gems went up against Lapis, and still lost! You're may be smart, but you're one person!" He shouted.

"You guys lost because that 'thing' inside Lapis knew how you fought. Stevonnie was able to hit it because it didn't know her. If I go up against her, I could win."

Something flashed in Garnet's lenses and she spoke up. "Peridot's right. She could get the drop on Daniel, but only if she has the proper tools."

"But Garnet, she-"

"No Steven. We're in no condition to fight, and you almost... Peridot may be our only hope now." She said grimly.

Everyone else reluctantly agreed and turned towards me, waiting to here my plan. And I had a plan.

"First, I need something to contain Steven's tears. Pearl, can you produce something like that from your gem?" I asked.

Pearl nodded, and reached her hand up to her gem. It glowed for a second before producing a small glass container in her hands. She handed it to me, and I took the container and held it to Steven's face. The massive amount of tears he produced instantly filled the container completely. I screwed the lid on top of the container to ensure the tears wouldn't fall out.

"Okay, I'm going to need to return to the Barn to retrieve some blueprints and my tablet. I'm also going to need to return to the Prime Kindergarten lab in order to finalize my blueprints. What I need you guys to do is be on the lookout for any active danger Lapis might cause." I left to leave for the Temple to carry out the plan before stopping. I slowly turned around to face the Crystal Gems.

"Listen... I'm not saying I forgive you for what you did to Lapis, but... I am sorry about the way I acted towards you when I came to confront you. It wasn't... I am not proud of it. When I return with Lapis I... I would like to reconcile things with you. You may have made mistakes in your past but... So have I. I'm sorry..." I said, solemnly, failing to meet their eyes.

Pearl slowly made her way towards me before kneeling down and pulling me into a hug.

"We're sorry too, Peridot. When you get back, we'll make this right. Now go and save Lapis. Make things right." She said softly.

I gave a small nod before hugging back. I let go and turned around, running back towards the Temple.

\--WARP--

I made my way inside the Barn, the entire place heavy with silence. Tools and scrap metal were strewn about from this morning, but that's not what I was focused on. I looked around until I found my tablet buried under a pile of papers. I picked it up and turned it on, making sure it was still working. I let out a sigh of relief when I found it was in fact working.

I was making my way back to the Barn exit when my eye caught something laying in the junk pile. It was my Corruption Detector. I walked over and grabbed it, walking back towards the exit. I pressed a few icons on my tablet to open up my blueprints, still trying to figure out how exactly I was going to cure Lapis while causing her the least amount of pain. I reached the Warp Pad and stepped on top, opening the file that I wanted to find. 

I'm sorry Lapis.

But I'm going to make this right.

**_ FILENAME: LIMB_ENHANCERS_V2.0 _ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the final stretch. The next 3 chapters should be the last ones in this book. And trust me. They don't end well for anyone.
> 
> -TheBean


	25. The Galaxy Warp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Warning, graphic violence

**_ Lapis? POV _ **

This was it. The moment I had been waiting for my entire life. The ocean moved and crashed against the platform on which I stood.

Revenge.

I waited 14 long years in bleak nothingness, waiting to be found. I had everything taken away from me. A family I can't even fully remember. An entire lifetime I would never get to experience. Thousands of ideas and projects would never see the light of day thanks the Crystal Gems. They took it all.

So now, I take something from them.

"Okay, you need to help me control your powers. We're creating a tidal wave large enough to destroy a city, that takes skill. How do I do it?" I asked Lapis, who silently stood near one of the pillars of this 'Galaxy Warp'.

Okay, just... give me a second.

She walked close to me and held her hands out.

**Copy my movements.**

I followed her instructions and held my hands out like her.

**Just concentrate... Focus all your emotions and motivation into the shape you want to create. My powers don't work based on thought, they work based on feeling.**

"Okay..." I said, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

My emotions...

The anger of the life that was stolen from me.

The pain of never knowing what my family really was like.

The fear of living in darkness.

Feel...

I could feel the ocean swirling, becoming more and more violent. The waves crashed harder, and the entire platform seemed to almost shake.

**I'm... I'm sorry, Steven.**

I could see the beginnings of a giant wave form in the violent waters. It grew larger and larger, causing a shadow to loom over the Galaxy Warp.

"This is it. The moment I waited for after all this time. Payback."

**P-Please, Gray, reconsider... you don't need to do this...**

"You're wrong, Lapis. The world is a better place without the Crystal Gems ruining it. It can't depend on monsters to save them. I'm showing them this." I replied.

Out of the corner of my ear, however, I heard a faint noise. It was difficult to hear over the sound of the rapidly forming wave, but it could be heard.

"Did you hear that? It kinda sounded like-"

A Warp Pad. Someone else is here.

I whipped around, trying to keep concentration on the wave. However, when I saw who had warped to the Galaxy Warp, I lost all concentration. I heard the wave quickly crash back into the ocean.

**P-Peridot? What did you...**

Peridot stepped off the warp pad, each step letting out a metallic clunk.  
Her face was set in a determined scowl. Her entire appearance had completely changed.

Gone was the small, nerdy child I knew from the Barn, this Peridot seemed cold and distant. She had created some sort of... Exoskeletal system attached to her limbs. They were fitted to each of her limbs, not only armoring her, but also increasing her height. She was even taller than Lapis.

They're Limb Enhancers. That's one of the tech that the Crystal Gems gave me to study. But they were... upgraded in a way.

The arm enhancers were Green and black, and the sides were accentuated by curved points directed down. 5 floating green "claws" hovered at the end of her arm enhancements. They were retrofitted with several buttons and systems on the arms. Her legs enhancers were the same color scheme, looking much more durable than your average leg enhancers. The leg part was clunkier than I remember, the feet are rounded triangles and I can almost see air subtly stiring around the bottom of the feet. Some sort of propulsion system, perhaps?

Peridot herself had also changed quite a bit. Her hair, which was slightly frazzled and messy, was now clean cut, and orderly. Her visor was repaired, and was now fitted with some sort of scanner at the side. She had also donned a brown, very human-looking tool belt, with many different pouches hanging on it, a suspicious syringe hanging off the side of it, and some kind of... knife holster?

Her uniform was also different. Gone was her atypical Crystal Gem uniform, but now it had been replaced with a different uniform, one that almost resembled a Homeworld technician uniform. However, there was no team-defining insignia on this uniform. Where there would've been a diamond, there was a teardrop shape, completely blue, which contrasted heavily with the rest of the color scheme.

This version of Peridot meant business. There was no playful spirit or child-like innocence behind her eyes. No, this version of Peridot was a soldier, someone with a mission it was determined to complete, no matter the cost.

**Peri...**

"Nice stilts." I said, breaking the silence.

Peridot's determined look faltered when she finally saw me, but quickly regained composure with a deep breath.

"Listen Gray, this doesn't have to end in a fight. If you just surrender now, I can cure Lapis. I don't want to fight her, which means I don't want to fight you.

"A cure? HA! That's funny! HAHA! Ah... you and I both know there is no cure?" I said, chuckling.

Peridot reached down to her tool belt and pulled out the syringe, and held it put towards me.

"You have to trust me. If you surrender, you get put to rest, and I get Lapis back. It's a fair trade!" She pleaded.

"And who said I want to be put to rest? The Crystal Gems still need to pay. I thought you of all people would understand that..."

Peridot seemed to puzzle over this statement, but then finally responded.

"I did. At one point I did think that they were monsters, just like you. But, if we stoop to their level, we're no better than they are. The things that set us apart from our past is our ability to learn from it. Earth taught me that... The Crystal Gems taught me that... So please, let me set things right. Let me fix what the Crystal Gems ruined."

"By what, getting rid of me for good? What about the life they took from me, the family they left in pieces? Who's gonna fix those mistakes? The answer is no one. It doesn't take a better man to stop monsters, it takes a bigger monster. I'm just filling in for the position."

Peridot tried to get closer, but before she could move I quickly formed my blade and pointed it at her.

"Nononono, you stay right where you are. I may have a little truce with Lapis about not killing you, but if you get in my way I will put you down." I said.

Peridot quickly stopped, and slowly put her hands down. She carefully put the syringe away, then put her hands back up defensively.

"O-Okay, l-let's just keep calm..." She said, slowly making her way in a circle to the right. I started to circle to my right, keeping a safe distance from her.

"Leave. Now. I got bigger fish to fry than a little gremlin playing dress up." I growled.

"I can't do that. Even if I absolutely despise myself for it afterwards, I will do ANYTHING to get my Lazuli back. Even fighting you." She responded, voice slightly wavering. She stopped abruptly, as did I, and adopted a fighting stance.

**P-Peridot, please leave... Don't hurt her, please. You said you wouldn't.**

"Listen, Peridot. You can still leave. I'm giving you a chance because I know you renounced the Crystal Gems AND because I made a promise. I'm not like them, I have morals."

"Morals? Weren't you the one who severely damaged my gem? T-The only reason I don't blast you where you stand is because I'm afraid of hurting Lapis."

"You won't hurt me, you can't. You care about Lapis too much to ever lay a finger on her. But, if it's a fight you want it's a fight you'll get. I gave you a warning Peridot. Remember that."

Letting out a growl of anger, I lunged at her, preparing to slice her stupid enhancements to bits. What I wasn't expecting was for Peridot to be just as agile as me and dodge out of my way. Not only that, she managed to plant her foot in my back, causing me to crash violently against one of the pillars on the Galaxy Warp. I let out a howl of pain, and slumped onto the ground.

"Now you know I'm not fooling arounnd." Peridot said walking towards me. "You are going to let me cure my Barn mate, or I will inject the cure into you FORCEFULLY."

She knelt down, picked me up by the collar of my hoodie, and slammed me into the pillar again, causing pain to shoot through me. She pulled out the syringe and got ready to inject it into me.

She had me cornered. If I didn't get out of there soon, all my efforts would have been wasted.

I brought my legs up and kicked Peridot as hard as I could in her chest, causing her to stumble backwards. I landed on my hands and knees, before regaining strength and picking myself back up.

"You hit pretty hard with those tin cans, sure, but you're out of league here. I have more experience on Earth, and Lapis' powers are unmatched. You won't win." I said.

**Please, stop! I'm cooperating, but please don't hurt her!!!**

"You may be right, but what I lack in power, I make up for in preparation and strategy." Peridot responded.

A small smirk soon enveloped her face.

"And while you may have power, you do have the major drawback if underestimating my intelligence and adaptability."

Wait, what?

Suddenly, electric pain shot through my entire body. I could quite literally see sparks fly off of my jacket. Everything felt paralyzingly painful, and soon enough I dropped to my knees. I couldn't even scream with how much pain was coursing through me. Even my blade disappeared. I looked down at myself to see what was causing this extreme pain... and found what looked like 12 AAA batteries and a D battery held together by rubber bands, wires, and chewing gum.

"Do you like it? I took a little visit back to your lab to finalize my blueprints, and ended up making a few small... trinkets to help against you. I call it an Electromagnetic Discharger. Earth tech may be inferior, but it's still effective."

Peridot reached down to her tool belt and pulled the syringe out.

"Now hold still, and I can guarantee you won't feel a thing." She said, bringing the syringe closer.

The pain is becoming unbearable. I can't think properly. I have to make it stop.

Concentrate...

I could feel the ocean churning and moving until a large water tendrils shot out and threw Peridot into the air. It then turned to me and pulled the device Peridot made off of my jacket, causing the searing pain to stop. I let out a long scream, before forcing myself to get up.

I looked up to see where Peridot had landed, only to find the little gremlin floating in mid-air. This dark blue stream of light seemed to beam from the bottom part of her leg enhancements.

"You know," She said, "You might want to keep your prototypes a little more hidden. Do you know how much Homeworld covets Anti-Gravity technology?"

Wait, Anti-Gravity? Didn't I make someting like that?

I did. That's my tech.

She was using my technology.

She was using MY technology to take me down.

**STOP FIGHTING, PLEASE!!! PERIDOT, PLEASE LEAVE!!! I'M DOING THIS SO YOU WON'T GET HURT!!!**

The tendril lashed out, trying to grab her legs to pull her down. However, no matter how hard I concentrated, Peridot was always one step ahead, dipping and weaving around the tendril. I was desperate to end the fight fast, so soon more tendrils shot out of the the water, chasing after her. Eventually, one after another latched onto her, quickly slamming her into the ground. I slowly walked over towards her.

"Got... Anything... to say now?" I said, panting due to the mental exertion.

Peridot's floating claws were gripped around something... glowing. I reached down to take it from her, thinking it was the syringe, only to find it was some sort of vial of glowing crystal rocks with a button on top attached to a... soda can?

"Actually yes. You should really be careful about touching other people's stuff." Peridot said, before shutting her eyes as tight as she could.

Before I could process what she said, the device blew up in a giant flash of white light, effectively blinding me. My hands shot up to paw at my eyes, desperate to make the bright white disappear. I lost all concentration on the tendrils, and when the light finally disappeared, Peridot charged at me at full speed and tackled me to the floor.

A syringe was brought down toward my chest, but my hands quickly moved to stop it. I struggled with all my strength to keep it from entering my body.

"GIVE. ME. BACK. MY. LAZULI!!!" Peridot shouted.

"OVER. MY. DEAD. BODY!!!" I yelled back, before shoving my knee right into her chest, causing her to screech in pain. I used my powers again to throw her off me with a jet of water.

Instead of falling backwards, Peridot used her hands and feet to keep herself upright. I tried to make more water tendrils, but there was still ringing in my ears from that flash-bang like device.

"ENOUGH OF THIS!!!" I shouted, before reforming my blade again.

Peridot's eyes went wide upon seeing the blade, but she reacted quickly by raising her arm, pointing it at me, and using her other claws pressed a button that caused her arm to start... shifting?

I rushed towards her, blade outsteched, before Peridot's arm finally stopped shifting. It seemed to resemble a large... canon.

Uh oh.

The Arm canon soon sprung to life, emitting a greenish glow from the center. I tried to stop myself and dodge out of the way, but it was too late. An arc of yellow electricity shot out and arked to me, causing the even worse electrifying pain than the batteries. The amount of energy created a small explosion of sparks, causing me to fly backwards and crash into one of the other Warp Pads in the center.

I groaned in pain, writhing on the floor before I felt metal claws sink into my shoulder, picking me up.

Peridot's visor was completely cracked down the center, and the syringe was clenched tightly in the hand not holding me. My feet dangled above the ground and my shoulder was aching from the metal claws.

"JUST LET ME CURE HER!!!" She shouted, before plunging the syringe deep into my shoulder, fast enough that I could not react in time.

However, as the syringe zoomed towards my arm, I felt something quickly move down my arm. I moved my head to see what had happened, when I saw it.

The syringe had become lodged in a gray, amorphous ooze that covered my entire arm, shoulder to hand. Peridot was desperately trying to pull it out, but the ooze was unrelenting.

"Seems to me... ah, that I have a little more... control over my... ugh, body than you do." I said, struggling against the pain of my shoulder.

Peridot quickly let go of the syringe and stared me directly in the eyes.

"Didn't I already state that I came prepared?" She said, before reaching down and finally revealing what was holstered on her belt.

It was a... knife?

It was a knife, but it didn't look human at all. The hilt seemed to be made of some sort of metal I couldn't recall (Tungston, perhaps?) and has a blue glowing battery in the hilt. The knife had wires connected to the hilt, which then intertwined and connected to the blade. The actual blade was emmiting a constant light blue glow. The metal was serrated, and it smelled like it was burning

_'The holo-knife.'_

I knew the knife, I had made it too. But I still couldn't remember what it actually did. Why couldn't I remember what it did?

Peridot slowly raised the knife to where the ooze had captured the syringe.

"Last chance. Let me cure you, or I will use this device on you. It may be primitive, but it is effective."

"You... can take that knife... and, ugh... shove it up your ass..." I snarked.

Peridot's face twisted into an angered scowl, and she plunged the knife deep into the ooze.

...

Nothing.

"Ha, is that all you-"

_***shlink*** _

Holy shit.

**AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!**

I screamed at the top of my lungs, and thrashed around in a vain attempt to try to escape. The blade had caused more pain than anything I had experienced. It felt like all my atoms were split apart and put back together and split apart again. It burned like I was being branded. And this was all from one cut from this blade.

I remember what it did. It causes permanent damage to any gem creature. But my current "form" made it so that each slice into the ooze reverberated throughout Lapis' body. And apparently, she was feeling it too.

**PERIDOT, PLEASE STOP!!! IT HURTS SO MUCH, PLEASE!!!**

The ooze quickly retracted, presumably back into the gem. The syringe fell, and Peridot moved quickly to snatch it in her claws.

"I'm done fighting." She said.

She moved to try and inject the syringe again, but I finally gathered enough strength to lift my entire lower body up and kick her straight in the face.

Peridor let me go, clutching her face and growling with pain. I feel to my knees and tried to catch my breath, as if I needed to breath.

I slowly stood up, reforming my blade. I spread my wings out to their full length, and twisted my face into one of hatred and anger.

"As am I. When I'm through with you, your remains will be nothing but dust." I snarled.

Peridot reactivated her arm canon, and slowly started levitating in the air.

"Go on then, Gray. Show me what a real monster looks like. Show me how much worse you are compared to the Crystal Gems." She taunted.

With a howl of anger I flew towards her, grabbing her waist and slamming her into a nearby pillar. The thing cracked and crumbled with the amount of force I used. Peridot shot her canon once again, but this time I flew upwards before she could hit me.

I raised my hands and began to concentrate, focusing all my energy on my powers. Suddenly, water chains flew out of the ocean, wrapping around Peridot's limbs and pulling her towards the oceanic abyss. Before they could, however, Peridot dug one of her claws into the floor and shot another arc of lightning, this time hitting me. I screamed in pain and collapsed to the floor. The water chains quickly disapated, and Peridot got up and ran toward where I had landed.

As I tried to get up, Peridot tackled me back onto the floor, causing it to crack due to the force. I let out a groan of pain, and tried to counterattack when Peridot managed to straddle me and hold down both my arms. I tried to spread my wings to fly away, but Peridot quickly pulled out the Holo-knife and ripped right down my left wing, causing both me and Lapis to shriek in agony. I eventually let the pain overtake me and went limp.

Peridot let the knife fall to the ground, making a clatter as it landed. She reached towards the syringe, preparing to use it.

That's when I noticed that the Holo-knife was within mere centimeters from my hand.

I slowly reached for it, making sure not to make sudden movements that would alert Peridot. She had positioned the syringe directly above my chest, but had not yet injected it yet.

"Any final words before I rid you from this planet?" She said smugly.

I fully wrapped my fingers around the hilt.

"Some advice. Whenever you have the opportunity to end the fight, don't waste it. You may not get another chance." I responded calmly.

I quickly swung the knife around and plunged it straight through her hand. I could hear and feel the knife not only tear through her limb enhancer, but also straight through her hand.

Peridot's eyes went wide before she let out an ear piercing screech. She quickly dropped the syringe, jumped to her feet, stumbled backwards, and quickly threw off her damaged enhancement with her other hand. When the damaged tech fell to the ground, I finally got a good look at her damaged hand.

My god.

**NO!!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?!?**

I had managed to plunge the knife directly into her left hand, directly between her middle and ring finger. Green liquid oozed from the wound as it sizzled, and the other two finger dangled, barely holding on via damaged "flesh", if you could call it that. Peridot was clutching the limb, tears pouring down her face. Inncohearent sobs echoed from her mouth, and I almost pittied her from seeing how much pain she was in.

Almost.

I walked towards her and aggressively shoved her to the floor and then stomped my foot on her chest. I used my water powers to trap Peridot under piles upon piles of rubble, pulling chunks out of the the floor, using pillars, even using broken pieces of old warp pads just to keep her trapped. She struggled and struggled, but her wound seemed to painful to let her do anything, and she finally gave up.

I quickly reformed my blade and positioned it directly above her gem. Her face was that of a child who was just threatened, her eyes were wide, her upper lip was quivering, and her face was covered in tears.

"W-Wait, behind y-you!" She pleaded.

"Are you fucking kidding me? How stupid do you think I am? Goodbye, Peridot. You put up a fair fight, but it's time for you to close your eyes. You don't want to see what happens next."

I slowly lowered the blade, barely scraping over her gem. Her eyes then narrowed, before widdening again.

"H-Honestly, I think you are p-pretty incompetent if you can't remember the fact that I c-can control metal. And that the syringe has a metal p-point. But, l-like I said... behind you."

Huh?

_***STAB*** _

The syringe lodged itself into my back, and I could feel a strange liquid drain into me.

"NO!!!" I shouted before reaching around and grabbing the syringe. It looked to see I had emptied about half of it's serum into me. I threw it as hard as I could towards the ocean, watching as it shattered against a rock, letting the remaining serum drain into the ocean.

I slammed my foot as hard as I could into Peridot's head, causing her to pass out. I readied my blade above her gem, before my entire head started spinning.

I stumbled backwards, the blade and my wings disappearing. My hands went to my head, clutching it in a vain attempt to keep myself steady. Everything felt heavy. I moved my hands and looked down at them to see they seemed to get fuzzier and farther away. I let out a scream of anger and shut my eyes tight.

Then everything went black.

** _Lapis POV_ **

Everything went black.

I slowly opened my eyes to see... My hands.

MY hands.

I was back in control of my body.

I was about to look around for Peridot when my legs gave out, and I fell to the floor. It didn't matter how weak I was, or how weird everything felt, or how... fuzzy everything was.

I was cured!

I was free!

I was-

**Oh nonono, Lazuli. You don't get rid of me that easily.**

I was still trapped.


	26. It could've been great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to update the warnings because of this chapter.
> 
> I'm sorry...

_ **Lapis POV** _

"H-How? Peridot gave me the cure! You should be gone!" I yelled, still too weak to move.

**Are you really that fucking stupid? THERE. IS. NO. CURE!!! Yeah, whatever that liquid was may have extremely weakened my strength, but nothing can get rid of me. We're in this for the long run. Now, let me back into the driver's seat. I've got a gremlin I need to shatter and a plan I need to carry out.**

"N-NO!!! The deal was that I'd help you if you wouldn't hurt Peridot or the Crystal Gems. And look what you did! I don't even know what happened to her hand, but whatever it is, you did that. I'm not helping you or letting you control me EVER AGAIN!!!" I shouted.

**We'll see about that. Time to do what I should've done instead of trying to reason with you.**

Gray ran over to me and shoved me violently. I braced myself to be ejected from my body, but... it didn't happen. I simply fell onto my back.

**What the hell?**

He tried kicking me out of my body, but all it did was shove me into the ground.

**WHY THE HELL ISN'T IT WORKING?!?**

The cure worked. Well, sort of.

He wasn't strong enough to take control over me. And I was gaining strength.

I slowly rose to my feet, chuckling at Gray.

"Maybe that cure didn't work, but it did do something. You're not the one in control any more GRAY. I am. And I'm not letting anyone else her hurt." I said triumphantly.

I turned towards Peridot, who was still both unconscious and trapped under the rubble. My heart dropped upon seeing what was left of her hand, but I shook the feeling away. Apologies aren't important right now. Getting Peridot out of here was.

_But are apologies really going to fix this? Can I ever make up_ _for_ _this? Of course not..._

No... Nononono! Why are those thoughts still here? The cure should've gotten rid of them too!

_Because we're your true emotions, Lapis. Face it, you've always been a monster. And all of your actions: you killed Steven, brutally kicked Peridot's ass, and you almost destroyed Beach City! Who in their right mind would EVER forgive you?_

I clutched my head tightly and shut my eye, trying desperately to stop the thoughts. "Shut up. You're... Y-You're wrong!"

_Admit it, Lapis. You know we're right. This isn't the first offence. Stealing the ocean? MALACHITE?!? DO YOU THINK THEY EVRR FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT?!? HAVE YOU FORGIVEN YOURSELF FOR THAT?!?_

_"...No. I haven't."_

_If you know you're a monster, why fight it? Might as well play the part._

I had just noticed I was walking away from Peridot without even realizing it. Towards that strange glowing knife Gray had used.

"W-Wait..."

_First things first, the little GREMLIN needs to pay for interrupting us._

I bent down to pick up the knife, clutchcing it tightly in my hand.

"Wait, I'm not doing this! W-What's happening to me?"

_Take that knife, and plunge it deep inside Peridot's Gem. Shatter her._

I turned around to face Peridot, only to come face to face with Gray. He was smirking, and his entire demeanor yelled "Calm and Collected."

My entire body was shaking at this point, and tears were starting to form in my eyes. I couldn't stop myself from moving.

**Oh, don't let me stop you now!**

Gray stepped aside so I could finally see Peridot again.

**After all...** **_You know we're right._ **

My head spun to face him, my eyes wide from the revelation.

"You're... You're doing this to me..."

Gray shook his head and started chuckling.

**Indeed I am. I may not have complete control over your body, but I still have you mind in the palm of my hand. And as you've shown before, your thoughts are infinitely more dangerous to you than I am.**

I started moving again, walking towards Peridot.

"N-no, please... Don't make me do this."

_Kill her, Lapis!_

**Kill her, Lapis.**

"NO!!!"

Suddenly, chains of water burst from the ocean and wrapped around me, pulling me to my knees and stopping me from moving. It took all the concentration in the world just to keep myself from letting me go.

**Aw, you chickened out. That's no fun.**

"Shut. Up."

**Make me. Oh but, that's never going to happen is it?**

I slowly turned my head to face him.

"I will find a way to get rid of you. Peridot will find a way. You're just... a disease to be cured!" I shouted.

**How many times are we going to go through this conversation? Besides, it doesn't matter if you get rid of me. We're one in the same at this point. Do you think they'll say that I did these crimes? That I was a monster? No, it will always be 'Lapis Lazuli killed her friend, Steven', 'Lapis Lazuli beat Peridot into a pulp.'**

"S-Stop..."

**'Lapis Lazuli is a monster.'**

"NO! Even if they call me a monster, you're the one who failed! You'll always be stuck, trapped inside my Gem. I'll never give in! I'll... I'll sink us to the bottom of the ocean if I need to!"

**And what happens when you lose control? What happens when you break your concentration?**

_Then we'll come back into play, make you rise from the waters, and destroy everything in sight. There's no hope for you Lapis. Just give up._

Tears were pouring from my eyes at this point, and I was shaking from top to bottom.

He was right. As long as Gray was in my Gem, as long as I was around, Beach City would be in danger.

The chains slowly unraveled and receeded back into the ocean. What was the point if he was just going to break out again?

I looked down at myself, the tattered human clothing still clinging to my body. This is what I am now. What WE are now.

But... maybe it doesn't have to end like this.

The glint of the knife shined towards me. I focused my attention on it.

I could stop it. Right here, right now. I could protect Beach City. I could save the Crystal Gems. I could avenge Steven.

I could protect Peridot.

Gray slowly turned his back on me, choosing instead to face the ocean.

**All I need is time. When years pass and they forget, we'll rise out of the ocean and destroy everything in our path.**

I slowly raised the knife to my face. The blue glow shining into my eyes. I slowly positioned the knife behind my back.

Right above where I knew that cursed eye would be.

**I don't even know why I'm bothering to tell you this. It's not like you have any other choice. It's over.**

"I agree." I said, before making a small cut right under the eye.

**_*CRACK*_ **

The knife went through my Gem easily, and it dug under the eye to the point where I could feel resistance.

Oddly enough, it didn't hurt that much. I just felt like I was putting a lot of pressure on my Gem.

"Ha... That wasn't too bad..." I said, panting from the pressure.

Gray quickly spun around, and faced me.

**W-Wait, what the hell are you doing?**

I slowly dug the blade deeper, slowly moving it in a circle to cut out the eye.

"Finishing this..." I responded.

Gray started... flickering. One moment he was there, the next moment he wasn't.

**Wait, hang on! Don't do this! Do you even know what you're doing to yourself?**

"I know exactly what I'm doing. I'm curing myself of you. One way or another."

The knife made its way completely around the eye, cracking and cutting away at my Gem. When I finally completed the cut, I expected the eye to pop out, only to feel it dangling by some weird, gooey tendrils.

Wow... Everything felt... light... Is this what it feels like? To shatter? It's not... that bad...

_What the hell are you doing? I'm going to die! I need to stop now!_

Gray soon collapsed to the floor. He looked physically and mentally weak.

**P-Please... let me live... I'll be good, I s-swear! Please, I... I don't want to die again...**

I grabbed the eye tightly, and looked over towards Peridot.

"Peri... I'm sorry... I love you..." I whispered softly.

_Yeah, exactly! What is Peridot gonna do without me? I can't leave her alone!_

No... This is for the best.

I slowly turned my head to face Gray. I practically looked him dead in the eyes.

"I am Lapis Lazuli... and you won't control me anymore..."

**LAPIS, NO!!!**

_***SNAP*** _

_***CRACK*** _

_ ***POOF*** _


	27. Epilogue

**_ Peridot POV _ **

Pain.

That was the only way I could describe my existence as my eyes shot awake.

I tried moving my head around to get a better view of my surroundings, but it was stuck in place, along with the rest of my body, by the piles of rubble on top of me.

I managed to move my functioning Arm enhancement into a position where I could move some of the debris off of me. My head was no longer trapped, and neither was my upper half. I tried to prop myself up into a better position, but when I went to move my left hand, I froze.

And then I screamed.

I had completely forgotten about the damage that had been inflicted on the limb. I quickly fell backwards, and clutched my hand with my other limb.

Whatever that weapon I had done to my hand, it left a constant feeling of burning and pain. I tried desperately to push my two finger back together, but it only made the pain worse.

_Maybe... I should just... let go..._

No. I have to get up. Find Lapis, and then get back to Steven. He can heal me. Just get up.

I used my functioning limb to move more of the rubble from my legs. Once free, I laid there on the cold, rocky floor for a while, simply waiting for some of the pain to dissipate. Eventually, I clumsily stand myself up, putting my weight on my legs.

I slowly stumbled around the Galaxy Warp, looking for any sign of Lapis. It was eerily quiet. There was no sounds other than the ocean crashing against the platform.

"Lapis?" I called out, hoping to get some kind of response.

The cure had to have worked, right? I couldn't see the full effect before I was rendered unconscious, but it seemed to do something to Lapis.

Right?

I kept on walking, hoping to finally find Lapis, when my foot hit something on the ground, causing it to clatter forwards. It didn't sound like another piece of the decaying ruin. No...

It sounded like a Gem.

My entire body froze and my eyes went wide. I didn't want to look down. I had no idea what I was going to see when I looked down.

I was afraid of looking down.

I slowly moved my head to the floor, bracing myself for whatever might be on the floor.

It was... an eye?

No... It was THE eye. The one that was stuck in Lapis' Gem.

I slowly bent down and picked up the mysterious object, making sure not to make direct contact with it. It could still be contagious. I used my floating claws to observe the object. It seemed completely inactive in its current state, but just to be sure, I created a small bubble around it.

What had caused it to... 'pop out' like this? If the cure had worked like it should have, the infection would have disappeared. Not manifest itself into another form.

Unless...

No, she wouldn't have.

I quickly stood up, spinning around frantically.

"Lapis? Where are you? Lapis, please respond!" I yelled.

Nothing.

I started walking around the Galaxy Warp, looking for her. She had to be around here, somewhere.

She has to be.

I kept looking until I came upon something. It looked like the weapon that was used in the fight, but it was covered by something... blue.

No.

I made my way towards the object, moving slowly. It was covered in three different shards. They were blue, and the moonlight reflected off of them, making them shine in the moonlight.

They were Lapis Lazuli shards.

"No... No, this can't be happening..." I said softly.

I knelt down, putting the bubble in my hands to the side. I slowly moved my hand to pick up the small shards.

_"No, Lapis... You didn't..."_

I clutched the shards tighter. My entire body started shaking, and tears started to pour from my eyes.

_"P-please, Lapis... Please tell me you didn't... This isn't happening to me right now..."_

I let out a breathy laugh.

_"Y-Yeah, that's it! This isn't happening right now! I'm asleep, having a horrible nightmare! S-Soon I'll wake up and Lapis will be there and she'll be okay! And t-then, we can live our lives happily together! This... This can't be real. It can't be..."_

I brought the Gem shards closer to my chest, practically hugging them. More laughs escaped from my mouth.

_"Please wake me up, Lapis. Please. I d-don't like this anymore. Please wake me up. Please be okay."_

My laughs soon turned to sobs.

_"This can't be real. This can't be. Please don't leave me here, Lapis. I can't do this without you. W-Who's gonna take care of the Barn with? Who am I gonna m-make meep-morps with me? Please don't be shattered."_

My grip got tighter and tighter, until suddenly, I heard it.

**_*CRACK*_ **

I looked down, opening my claws to reveal that I had broken the shards even more than before. Five shards now sat in my hand.

I let out a wail of anguish.

 _"NO!!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!! YOU CAN'T TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME!!!"_ I screamed to the sky. I don't know who I was screaming to, but someone needed to be held responsible.

_Someone._

I cried harder and harder, covering the shards in my tears. I brought them back close to my chest.

_"THIS CAN'T BE REAL!!! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME ALONE LIKE THIS!!! PLEASE COME BACK TO ME, LAPIS!!!"_

I cried and cried until I physically couldn't. Everything was aching, my hand burnt and pained, but I didn't move. I couldn't.

 _This wasn't a dream. This was real. I failed her. I let her become like this. I_ _couldn't_ _save her. I had_ _the_ _cure and_ _I_ _still_ _didn't_ _save_ _her. It was all my fault._

_I shattered her._

_I shattered my Lapis Lazuli._

_"Please come back to me, Lapis..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read this. I am so glad for all the comments and kudos! This was an experience. My first ever fanfiction! Now don't worry, this isn't the only thing I'm publishing (This is book ONE in series). I have plenty more planned for other stories too. But thank you anyways!


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